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Post by wanomad on Jul 6, 2016 18:07:20 GMT -5
Thanks for all your responses guys as I said it was out there for everyone to have their two bobs worth. At some point in every marriage there seems to be a bait and switch and it sucks that it happens.
" One of her comments yesterday and I quote : Get yourself together and realise life doesn't revolvle around you, it then might fall into place"
After 3 years why am I not allowed to ask for a bit of me ! and to be made to feel shamefull for asking .
I think I'm living with a Passive Aggressive Asexual Narcacist who turns into a werewolf exactly every 29days like clockwork!
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Post by nyartgal on Jul 6, 2016 20:26:32 GMT -5
I just posted an article in the Resources area that might be illuminating for you.
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Post by baza on Jul 7, 2016 1:15:41 GMT -5
You may well be - "living with a Passive Aggressive Asexual Narcacist" - Brother wanomad.
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But you ain't helping yourself a real lot by adopting this position of inertia.
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If you leave her to make the choices, she'll make them, based on the world revolving around her.
The chances of your aspirations getting a run in her deliberations are non existent.
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If you want to move forward, it is YOU, and no-one else, who has to take on the responsibility of making fully informed choices.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2016 1:49:05 GMT -5
I would consider telling her, not asking her, whether you will be seeking alternative living arrangements.
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Post by wanomad on Jul 7, 2016 18:03:43 GMT -5
Hey Fiery
What baffles me is if this marriage comes to a natural end what are my friends and family going to think and hers for that matter when I tell them after 3 years of total emotional and physical abandonment accompanied with no touching no seeing and little or no meaning conversation apart from being talked at and not too that I got caught with my hand down "her pants"
Most rational people I know would be like WTF you got divorced because your husband touched you !
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Post by adventura on Jul 7, 2016 18:58:38 GMT -5
Hey Fiery What baffles me is if this marriage comes to a natural end what are my friends and family going to think and hers for that matter when I tell them after 3 years of total emotional and physical abandonment accompanied with no touching no seeing and little or no meaning conversation apart from being talked at and not too that I got caught with my hand down "her pants" Most rational people I know would be like WTF you got divorced because your husband touched you ! Hmmm...I feel like I'm missing something here. Who's going to tell them? People love gossip. Many of my family and friends do. I love these folks, but that's a destructive side of them that I'm at pains to keep boundaries around. If I don't do that, I guarantee nobody else will. Other than extremely trusted friends (and that may be no one in your world right now), here's a tried and true script for when people ask you why the two of you split up: I felt that the marriage wasn't working for me anymore and that both of us would be happier if we parted ways.
If they press you on it, you can add, I can't speak for her. If you want to hear her side of it, it's best to ask her.
Said in a non-defensive, neutral tone of voice that doesn't invite drama or elaboration no matter how much they whine and stomp their feet to hear more. Boundaries would seem to be a requirement for finding happiness in a relationship. I'm learning from my current situation that I need to do some more work on mine because I too worry about who's going to be seen as the bad guy. I just figure let him badmouth me if he wants to - I can't control it, so it's not worth worrying about. When all's said and done, most people are far more focused on their own problems than yours, unless you make yours interesting for them. |
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Post by wanomad on Jul 7, 2016 20:16:58 GMT -5
adventura wise words, I guess that's a side of me that I'm true too most times, When my wife comes home and asks me did you hear about such and such. Its like really who cares ? does that effect our lives in any way, maybe you should sort out the shit in your own backyard before you start worrying about other peoples lives. Sad thing is that she see's our world through rose coloured glasses or just puts it aside in the too hard basket as it will reveal all the wrongs that we have both done and the need too address those.
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Post by baza on Jul 8, 2016 3:43:15 GMT -5
From a couple of turns of phrase you've used, and your tag, I have assumed you are a resident of Western Australia.
If that's right, then you can rest assured that in your jurisdiction, covered by the laws of the Commonwealth of Australia, there would be no case to be made about you putting you mitts on your missus' twat in the manner you describe.
And practically no chance whatsoever of these punitive scenarios floated in this thread getting off the ground.
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Post by deleted on Jul 8, 2016 5:08:08 GMT -5
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Post by petrushka on Jul 8, 2016 5:08:14 GMT -5
3000more :Oh, I am not opposed to a marriage based on communism: we share ownership of stuff (means of production - not toys), and to each goes according to their needs and from each comes according to their abilities. If you have a couple of sufficiently idealistic and loving spouses, then that's a great model. (and I think I can describe the relationship with my wife mostly in those terms, as it happens). Generally speaking, the sodding fact is that this model tends to motivate most people so they maximize their needs and minimize their abilities, in other words, it turns into an orgy of unadulterated greed and lazyness.
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Post by deleted on Jul 8, 2016 5:09:13 GMT -5
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Post by deleted on Jul 8, 2016 5:09:23 GMT -5
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Post by deleted on Jul 8, 2016 5:09:35 GMT -5
Why do you care what people say? If that's the true cause, she is unlikely to tell anyone. Let's turn the tables. Would you tell people that you divorced her because she stroked your erect male member while you slept?
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Post by petrushka on Jul 8, 2016 5:24:33 GMT -5
wanomad In my opinion you are asking the wrong question when you ask her if you should move out. Hello, we've been over this ground: she's getting her needs met, she has what she wants. You should be asking her this: "Can you give me any reasons why I should stay in this house, this marriage with you, after the way you're reacting to me?". And don't take "because I love you" for an answer because that probably means something completely different to her than it does for you. I know people who would say that to their spouse yet they'd travel 10 times further and spent 10 times more for the sakes of their cat or pet sheep.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2016 21:45:18 GMT -5
wanomad , I read your story, and the first thing that came to my mind is "She was dreaming of her lover". Your wife is having an affair, and you stuck your hand right in the middle and interrupted a very intimate moment. Heck, I'd be pissed too. Look into it.
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