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Post by tamara68 on Apr 8, 2017 4:20:39 GMT -5
You must read the latest act of emotional blackmail by my stbx. He has really surpassed himself.
A few days ago he has sent me this in an e-mail:
(translated from Dutch)
"In court, your lawyer made a peculiar appeal to the writer Susan Forward.
Referring to that, I would like to just give you the following response:
The writer assumes that the reader of her book is per definition the one that is the victim.
She sows destruction in that she tries to make her readers immune to normal human morality like compassion and sense of duty and normal human feelings such as guilt and sense of solidarity. And by propagating that you betray yourself when you take someone else's well being into account.
She ignores that we humans are indeed partly responsible for the lives and welfare of our fellowmen, and that you can make others sick and unhappy and even can cause their death.
According to Susan Forward the emotional blackmailer will not agree to a compromise. Is a compromise possible with you?"
After this he sent me a request for a 'compromise'.
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Post by baza on Apr 8, 2017 6:16:05 GMT -5
What a strange bloke he is. Still, as an unemployed drone he has plenty of time on his hands to refine his talents as a literary critic I guess. It's a sidebar Sister tamara68Like Mrs RexCorvus and her page from Brother Rex's 20 year old journal in another thread An annoying sidebar for sure, but a sidebar none the less. For all that, he has accidently made a telling point. In the unique relationship between between him and you, compromise may well not be possible. (that's why you had to take this matter to the courts - to get an independent objective judgement) But that does NOT mean you - tamara68 - are not capable of compromise with a reasonable person. You've done well. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Apr 8, 2017 6:54:25 GMT -5
Oh my. A person (the emotional abuser) can only "make" another person unhappy if the abused allows it. Embracing my own volition, I don't have to let someone make me unhappy. So if he blames you for your effect in his life, he needs to pull up his big boy pants, act like an adult, & not allow your actions to affect his personal happiness so much. Said another way: if you "make" him so unhappy, then he ought to be grateful for the opportunity of divorce! And really- as baz said, it IS a sidebar. Compromise does NOT mean "doing things his way & conceding to all his demands" as he seems to think it does. You are doing very well to ask only for what is fair & equitable in the eyes of the law AND you kept giving slightly more than that to ensure the well-being of your daughter. You have no responsibility for the quality of HIS relationship with her. He is a fool for putting so much in writing, too. His anger & vehemence still comes through his missives - and will decidedly NOT cast him in a good light with the judge. He just keeps piling on the "points against" column. Stay strong, sister tamara68. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 8, 2017 7:02:48 GMT -5
Give it to your attorney on your next visit. The two of you can roll your eyes together and have a laugh at his expense. He is proving your case. More manipulative control,with zero meaning. No facts ,or evidence, just more mind games.
I will say this, you can easily reverse it and throw it right back at him. "yes it's true, as my husband you are partially responsible for my life and welfare. You chose to make me sick, and unhappy. You caused the death of my entire inner self, which affected my physical and mental health as well."
No need for responding to it, it will land on deaf ears, saying nothing IS saying something. Continue the detachment,and give him no control over your life, your choices, your decisions, and your self esteem. You will be teaching your daughter the same thing.
It's never easy to take a narc. like that and show them the door. They will fight it the whole way.
Your making great progress!!
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 8, 2017 11:21:06 GMT -5
Sounds like he's sweating the fact that he's going to have to be an adult and take care of himself. You are on the road to a better life.
If it were me I'd tell him compromise came off the table when he called you a slut. A judge will decide his fate. And send him a link with interviewing techniques.
Hang in there things will all work out.
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Post by tamara68 on Apr 8, 2017 11:39:20 GMT -5
What a strange bloke he is. Still, as an unemployed drone he has plenty of time on his hands to refine his talents as a literary critic I guess. It's a sidebar Sister tamara68 Like Mrs RexCorvus and her page from Brother Rex's 20 year old journal in another thread An annoying sidebar for sure, but a sidebar none the less. For all that, he has accidently made a telling point. In the unique relationship between between him and you, compromise may well not be possible. (that's why you had to take this matter to the courts - to get an independent objective judgement) But that does NOT mean you - tamara68 - are not capable of compromise with a reasonable person. You've done well. Thanks! I am trying to ignore what he says about me. I know I can compromise. It is what I have been doing for as long as I can remember. But now it is time to stick to my decisions. |
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Post by tamara68 on Apr 8, 2017 11:59:43 GMT -5
Oh my. A person (the emotional abuser) can only "make" another person unhappy if the abused allows it. Embracing my own volition, I don't have to let someone make me unhappy. So if he blames you for your effect in his life, he needs to pull up his big boy pants, act like an adult, & not allow your actions to affect his personal happiness so much. Said another way: if you "make" him so unhappy, then he ought to be grateful for the opportunity of divorce! And really- as baz said, it IS a sidebar. Compromise does NOT mean "doing things his way & conceding to all his demands" as he seems to think it does. You are doing very well to ask only for what is fair & equitable in the eyes of the law AND you kept giving slightly more than that to ensure the well-being of your daughter. You have no responsibility for the quality of HIS relationship with her. He is a fool for putting so much in writing, too. His anger & vehemence still comes through his missives - and will decidedly NOT cast him in a good light with the judge. He just keeps piling on the "points against" column. Stay strong, sister tamara68 . I have said that to him long time before I left, that if I am so bad, he should be happy when I leave. It just doesn't matter what I say. He simply keeps repeating his own thoughts. And he doesn't even get it that I have given more than I had to. |
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Post by tamara68 on Apr 8, 2017 12:18:05 GMT -5
Give it to your attorney on your next visit. The two of you can roll your eyes together and have a laugh at his expense. He is proving your case. More manipulative control,with zero meaning. No facts ,or evidence, just more mind games. I will say this, you can easily reverse it and throw it right back at him. "yes it's true, as my husband you are partially responsible for my life and welfare. You chose to make me sick, and unhappy. You caused the death of my entire inner self, which affected my physical and mental health as well." No need for responding to it, it will land on deaf ears, saying nothing IS saying something. Continue the detachment,and give him no control over your life, your choices, your decisions, and your self esteem. You will be teaching your daughter the same thing. It's never easy to take a narc. like that and show them the door. They will fight it the whole way. Your making great progress!! Any response will land on deaf ears exactly. I have not send a response to this. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 8, 2017 13:08:04 GMT -5
You really should not be responding to him on a one to one basis. Any addressing of complaints or accusations of mistreatment and unfair treatment should be handled by your attorney and his. But I will give this guy some points for eloquence. Perhaps he is not so unemployable after all. How about a career as book reviewer and literary commenter as to the authors motives in penning the narrative.
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Post by csl on Apr 9, 2017 22:35:50 GMT -5
How about blocking him as spam from your email account? Send him an email telling him that all correspondence will know have to go through your attorney and that you will be setting your email filters to block him from sending you email.
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Post by tamara68 on Apr 10, 2017 3:55:49 GMT -5
I need to be able to contact him about my daughter. So I can't block him. I ignore most of his mails and never respond to his blackmail. He doesndoesn't send that many emails anymore now.
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