emotional blackmail

Too pathetic to say it to your face? Winner of this week's T-Mobile Passive Aggressive Loser of the Week award.

Look on the bright side, this saves you from a drawn out labyrinthine argument. I doubt that note in and of itself would be construed as a threat, but I agree, keep it and anything else he leaves in writing. If there is a custody battle, showing that he is unhinged may help your case.

Currently, there are 3 members here where I fear for their physical safety.
You're one of them Sister tamara.
-
I reckon your exit is going to need to be a highly clandestine operation.

Is there any way you can get away for a few days? Just for a break from him. Take your daughter and take a little mini-vacation? It's really hard to think straight when you are under pressure all the time. His constant verbal assaults on you keep you off balance and focussed on just keeping the peace enough that he doesn't go completely unhinged. I don't know if it's possible at all, but just putting some distance between you for a little bit might let your mind rest and let you think.

I am not sure if this will work with your husband, but the best way to communicate with severely mentally ill people is the LEAP method. It's a method developed by Dr. Xavier Amador that helps calm down the patient. The problem with someone mentally ill is that logic and reason do not work. What the patient thinks it real is not what we think as real. Therefore, we have to recognize their reality before they can acknowledge yours.

LEAP is an anagram for Listen, Empathize, Agree, and Partner:

• Listen actively: "I hear you are upset about your medicine's side effect."
• Empathize: "I can see that will upset you. I would be upset too."
• Agree: "But if you can take your medicine (go to therapy), we can all live better."
• Partner: "I will watch for the side effects and talk to your doctor to see what can be done."

Here is the website: dramador.com/the-leap-institute/

It is easier said then done, believe me. It took me a lot of practice. But I have found it so much more effective than trying to explain reality to my wife. When my wife is down, I talk about my depression experiences, and she relates.

In my area, police officers are trained in this method for use in dealing with mentally ill offenders. Thanks to our lack of funding for mental health services, it often falls on the police to handle the seriously mentally ill. If they used traditional police methods of establishing control, those methods would backfire and put both the officer and the mentally ill patient at risk.

tamara68, I am concerned for your daughter in that she is entrapped by him. Hopefully, she realizes that her dad's behavior is not the norm. 

I hope somebody takes your daughter out so she can play in the mud or hang around animals. She needs to get dirty and realize that it is normal.

I think this is a very thinly veiled threat, and if it were me, I would be on super red alert about him doing something to hurt your daughter (and himself) to punish you. I don't know your story but this seems in keeping with a pattern of domestic violence that at least in the US often ends up with someone dead. I really hope you don't have any firearms in the house.

Do you have a lawyer yet? Do you have a sister, mom, girlfriend, etc who could take you in for a few days? Can you call a local domestic abuse hotline? Please don't wait for him to make this physical.

I don't mean to be alarmist but maybe you are so used to this kind of thing that it seems normal to you. It's not. It's really freaking scary.