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Post by angryspartan on Jun 24, 2016 23:18:06 GMT -5
So I think the W has a thing for a co-worker. But here's the kicker, he's gay. I kno what you're thinking, "angry, that's crazy talk." But is it really? According to her he's not flamboyant, and super nice. It wouldn't be the first case of a woman infatuated with a gay man. She brings him up quite a bit too. I've grown to hate the name of this guy.
A quick scan of her phone revealed she talks/texts to this dude all the time. I even saw a text telling him how much she enjoyed the talk from the night before. For those that have ever had a pseudo fling, that's code for I enjoyed your company. Friends don't usually start the day of with that sort of text.
Again, I known it sounds absolutely crazy to suspect this, but in the state she's in, I would not be surprised. Then again it could be nothing I'll admit, but everything here is screaming that it is.
But go figure, she finally could fall victim to another man and he bats for the wrong team. That's like having the correct lotto numbers in the wrong order.
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 24, 2016 23:29:32 GMT -5
"Go, with my blessing. But first, sign here and here."
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Post by tamara68 on Jun 25, 2016 0:35:48 GMT -5
He sounds like everything she wants. Friendly but no way there is going to be sex expected from her.
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Post by cc on Jun 25, 2016 0:46:42 GMT -5
Wow! It's a match made in heaven. 😖
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Post by angryspartan on Jun 25, 2016 4:25:13 GMT -5
Sun's coming up, and I'm still pissed. Fml
Welp at least can make breakfast for the kids and I.
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Post by tamara68 on Jun 25, 2016 4:31:00 GMT -5
But go figure, she finally could fall victim to another man and he bats for the wrong team. That's like having the correct lotto numbers in the wrong order. Why would you be worried about that? |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 25, 2016 7:00:08 GMT -5
It's not right what she is doing. You can use this as a springboard to have a serious conversation about what is wrong with your marriage.
As far as the texts and talks with this other man, she will probably say something to the effect of " we are just friends, you can't tell me who I can and can't be friends with, he's gay so what are you concerned about?".
However it does seem like it could be an emotional affair and maybe he's bi so just because he's gay doesn't mean he doesn't like pussy.
The bottom line is if she's doing this secretly then she's not doing right by you. If she wouldn't want you to read the texts then there's something not right. However this isn't the biggest problem in your marriage so decide what you want for yourself and if you want out of your shithole deal then use this as a springboard to set yourself free.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 25, 2016 7:39:25 GMT -5
Where's the relationship, the marriage in any of this? Your wife sounds like she is totally detached, and wants complete control. She has her work, career , tittle, money, self esteem, respect, friendship, other men, fantasies, phones, screens, computers, etc....
What you may be realizing is that your really not loosing anything, if you we're to get divorced. What you would gain is a new opportunity at a new beginning, with a heavy burden off your back.
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Post by obobfla on Jun 25, 2016 7:43:24 GMT -5
I have to agree with bballgirl in that this has become an emotional affair. I have always had platonic friends of the opposite sex. Had them before I was married. But I introduced these friends to my wife, and these friends have become her friends. Even the old girlfriend became her friend. There are times when I unload about my wife on these friends, but they listen objectively. Some times, they take her side.
The bottom line as I read it is that she is unhappy in the marriage and attaching herself to this man, who is sexually unavailable to her. Being raised a Catholic, this sounds like the ladies of the church falling over Fr. What-a-waste, the hot young priest. That means there are problems that you two need to address. Bballgirl's last sentence says it all.
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Post by angryspartan on Jun 25, 2016 10:03:22 GMT -5
It's not right what she is doing. You can use this as a springboard to have a serious conversation about what is wrong with your marriage. As far as the texts and talks with this other man, she will probably say something to the effect of " we are just friends, you can't tell me who I can and can't be friends with, he's gay so what are you concerned about?". However it does seem like it could be an emotional affair and maybe he's bi so just because he's gay doesn't mean he doesn't like pussy. The bottom line is if she's doing this secretly then she's not doing right by you. If she wouldn't want you to read the texts then there's something not right. However this isn't the biggest problem in your marriage so decide what you want for yourself and if you want out of your shithole deal then use this as a springboard to set yourself free. You are pretty much on the mark with most of this. She said there is nothing to it, and I think she might be telling what she believes is the truth. While I might have been 100% wrong in my suspicions(who knows for sure), this did instigate a healthy talk about us. I do feel like there might be some good that will come of this. There is hope I have that we can reestablish a bond that has been broken for a long time. I and her have a lot of work to do, but I'm hopeful now. As I suspected, she has a couple issues with me(things I did while younge and dumb) that she needs to release. I do think of she can get over that, and I can with some things, we can actually have a good life together. While I too carry a lot of anger, I was reminded today that she is the love of my life. I need to be a better man, and she needs to be a better wife. What has caused so many problems is we both lost our way. We were at odds from the beginning. But, and this is a huge but, there is a chance for us both. The good thing is this conversation wasn't the result of a blowup over sex. So maybe, just maybe we can get to the roots of our problems and leave this ASM behind us. We will see if that happens. All I do know is we both have a lot of work to do. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 25, 2016 10:44:49 GMT -5
angryspartan - the best thing you said and the only thing that matters is "she is the love of your life". You are still in love with her. Tell her and I'm sure you did BUT take it a step further and let her know that: 1)you are in love with her 2)what she needs to do to make you feel loved, wanted and desired 3) ask her if she wants to feel wanted and desired sexually 4) ask her what she gets out of the texting with this other man (it's attention) Most women love attention from men 5) let her know that romantic love is perishable and it's a verb not a noun, the actions speak louder than words. Eventually romantic love disappears and you aren't in love. There were many times in the last 5 years of my marriage and we said we would work on it but we never did and by that I mean he didn't want sex with me. I was not a difficult woman to please but he made his choice clear and he's living with the consequences. Who knows maybe he is happier, I know that I am. I hope you and your wife take advantage of this opportunity.
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Post by ggold on Jun 25, 2016 11:04:13 GMT -5
While I too carry a lot of anger, I was reminded today that she is the love of my life.
And this is why there is hope.
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Post by cc on Jun 25, 2016 11:28:46 GMT -5
While I too carry a lot of anger, I was reminded today that she is the love of my life. And this is why there is hope. Yes! |
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Post by nyartgal on Jun 25, 2016 15:53:39 GMT -5
But are you the love of her life?
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Post by angryspartan on Jun 25, 2016 16:58:56 GMT -5
But are you the love of her life? Fair question, one that will be answered in time. If I am, then we'll rebuild and move on. One thing I've learned today is I have to forgive her for the refusals and hurt they caused. That's going to be hard, but I have to do it for my own health and sanity. That maybe the most difficult thing of all to do. This won't work unless we both absolve each other. |
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