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Post by wewbwb on Jun 24, 2016 16:59:52 GMT -5
So on your birthday, he got you food that you couldn't eat, and gave you a condescending lecture. Am I wrong? [And, happy birthday a day late. Too bad we couldn't party together! I guarantee you would have had more fun!]* *Bail money not included. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 24, 2016 17:00:22 GMT -5
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Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 24, 2016 17:09:19 GMT -5
Do you think that by allowing him to buy all this stuff for you, rather than taking the money and buying it yourself, you might be undermining your position in the relationship and giving you both the message that his decision is the one that counts? And that his opinions therefore carry more weight. I learned many many years ago to purchase my own personal Christmas presents (shoes, clothing and accessories) and give them to him to wrap. He insists that he be in control of all electronics. Even if I research and show him all the specifications and reasons for the electronic device he disregards it. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 24, 2016 17:11:47 GMT -5
What's the point in being a 2% er if you can't enjoy it? Money is just a tool. What's the point in having tools that you don't use? Oh man, I have such a great response to that but I'll let you use your imagination instead! |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2016 17:17:17 GMT -5
I'm from Dallas. He's always talking about how stupid Texans are, how much he hates Texas. Oh, no not me just the other Texans. Funny that. I'm from KY (not the jelly), and my wife simply will not go there under any circumstances. Too many hillbillies! |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 24, 2016 17:20:27 GMT -5
So on your birthday, he got you food that you couldn't eat, and gave you a condescending lecture. Am I wrong? [And, happy birthday a day late. Too bad we couldn't party together! I guarantee you would have had more fun!] Thank you! I don't believe that I have unrealistic expectations. It's just another of the tiny things he does. Death by a thousand paper cuts. He never does anything big and mean. No one is perfect, but his tiny little slights are so perfectly timed. Why, only on my birthday does our food just happen to come out spicy? Gas lighting? |
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 24, 2016 17:39:29 GMT -5
No one is perfect, but his tiny little slights are so perfectly timed. Why, only on my birthday does our food just happen to come out spicy? Gas lighting? Assuming it was a genuine error on all parts, some guys would try to salvage their failure to deliver... go pickup another order? Or say "I'll put this in the fridge - let's go get something you'll enjoy." It's not rocket surgery, dude. BTW, lookup "micro-aggressions" and "micro-inequities". All the latest PC rage, but pretty squarely hits this kind of behavior. |
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Post by 3000more on Jun 24, 2016 17:59:10 GMT -5
No one is perfect, but his tiny little slights are so perfectly timed. Why, only on my birthday does our food just happen to come out spicy? Gas lighting? Assuming it was a genuine error on all parts, some guys would try to salvage their failure to deliver... go pickup another order? Or say "I'll put this in the fridge - let's go get something you'll enjoy." It's not rocket surgery, dude. BTW, lookup "micro-aggressions" and "micro-inequities". All the latest PC rage, but pretty squarely hits this kind of behavior. Micro-penis |
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Post by nyartgal on Jun 24, 2016 19:39:45 GMT -5
Your husband is a TEXTBOOK passive aggressive. I mean, when you look it up in the dictionary, his photo is there. I've talked many times here how mine was too. In fact, it was Chai07, an old member of the EP board, who posted about PA and that single post was the thing that freed me from my marriage. I read three books on it, red countless articles, and talked to two shrinks. Long story short, they never, and probably can't, change. Clinically their behavior is called "crazy making." Because it is!!!!! I have posted this elsewhere, but use one of your devices and download this book ASAP. I read it in about 40 minutes and it explained EVERYTHING about my ex and our marriage: www.amazon.com/Living-Passive-Aggressive-Man-Aggression-Boardroom/dp/0671870742. Not every refuser is PA, but plenty are. Yours definitely is!! |
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Post by nyartgal on Jun 24, 2016 19:40:08 GMT -5
PS" happy birthday! Go get yourself a REAL present from you to you!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2016 21:36:49 GMT -5
Yesterday was my birthday. Hub offered to bring home Thai food. We always get mild yellow coconut curry with chicken and vegetables which we split because it is too much food for one person. It is light and delicious. While I was dividing the food I noticed that it was thicker and oilier and smelled different. It was so spicy I could barely eat it. He commented that it was extra good this evening. I asked if he had told them that we wanted mild and he said no, they didn't ask and he didn't think to tell them. The first time ever. And on my birthday. I was starving from my workout, so ate it. My birthday gift. I want a Fitbit. Costco has the one I want with an extra band thrown in. He did a dramatic demonstration of ordering it. He had me sit next to him while he scanned through. He refused to get me the Costco one because he doesn't think I need an extra band. He paid $10 more for one from another site with no extras. Then, he put the icing on the cake by lecturing me that I am a 2%'er and that mainstream people don't have such things. It is frivolous and a trinket but because it's my birthday, I can have one. He says my expectations are too high and I should realize that I need to stop pushing my body so hard. He says I need to slow down and accept that I'm getting older. F' that! He asks me what I want, then he decides what I'm going to get. I wanted a Windows pro laptop for Christmas to replace the dead computer. He gets me this HUGE HP touch screen thing that I can't move anywhere. I wanted a little portable iPhone speaker, I show him which one, but he gets me a huge ihome speaker that is hard to move. These are better, he says. The lease is up on my car. I like my little hybrid, I want another one just like it. I chose this car and stood firm that it was what I wanted. He finds every single fault about it and vocalizes. He wants me to get an electric car. Here we go again. I'm from Dallas. He's always talking about how stupid Texans are, how much he hates Texas. Oh, no not me just the other Texans. You know what? We put a lot of thought into why some people act the way they do. He's asexual. He's an addict. She has BDP or SAO or MDD or NOD or ZDJI or RJOFBC. She came from a family where they didn't show affection. But with some people, the diagnosis of asshole pretty much covers it. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 24, 2016 21:42:18 GMT -5
Your husband is a TEXTBOOK passive aggressive. I mean, when you look it up in the dictionary, his photo is there. I've talked many times here how mine was too. In fact, it was Chai07, an old member of the EP board, who posted about PA and that single post was the thing that freed me from my marriage. I read three books on it, red countless articles, and talked to two shrinks. Long story short, they never, and probably can't, change. Clinically their behavior is called "crazy making." Because it is!!!!! I have posted this elsewhere, but use one of your devices and download this book ASAP. I read it in about 40 minutes and it explained EVERYTHING about my ex and our marriage: www.amazon.com/Living-Passive-Aggressive-Man-Aggression-Boardroom/dp/0671870742. Not every refuser is PA, but plenty are. Yours definitely is!! Thank you, I bought the book and was able to use the ebook settlement to buy it! |
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Post by petrushka on Jun 26, 2016 3:59:13 GMT -5
Happy b'day Rhapsodee.
When I read that I thought you wrote about my mother ...
Some people just Always Have to know BEST. Their way is the only right way.
Personally, I find the shine of that goes off inside of 4 weeks.
Especially if that person is completely ignorant into the bargain.
What a pain in the arse. You have my sympathy.
He obviously has not grasped the idea that the present is for the person
who wants it, not for his own gratification, and that he might just have to
take that person's (your) wishes and needs into consideration.
Did you hear the one about the biker who got his girlfriend a set of spanners
for his motorbike for her birthday? <grins>
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2016 15:53:17 GMT -5
Rhapsodee practice saying this, "Please give me a $1500 (or whatever amount works) VISA or AMEX gif card for my birthday/Christmas/anniversary/MF Groundhog Day." Don't give him any more hints (across the head with a 2x4). Put it in writing, in an email/text message where YOU can refer to it and resend it as a "reminder." Then tell him to meet you at the car dealership AFTER all the papers have been drawn up to "sign here and here." Find a female salesperson, if possible, do all your negotiations yourself, first. Girl, you're from TEXAS!! Time to bring out that BIG TEXAS cconfidence and Steel Magnolia resolve, that all Southern women, like we have.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 26, 2016 22:54:52 GMT -5
Rhapsodee practice saying this, "Please give me a $1500 (or whatever amount works) VISA or AMEX gif card for my birthday/Christmas/anniversary/MF Groundhog Day." Don't give him any more hints (across the head with a 2x4). Put it in writing, in an email/text message where YOU can refer to it and resend it as a "reminder." Then tell him to meet you at the car dealership AFTER all the papers have been drawn up to "sign here and here." Find a female salesperson, if possible, do all your negotiations yourself, first. Girl, you're from TEXAS!! Time to bring out that BIG TEXAS cconfidence and Steel Magnolia resolve, that all Southern women, like we have. LOL. TEXAS WOMEN DONT NEED MEN, MEN NEED US! |
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