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Post by bballgirl on Jun 22, 2016 9:33:04 GMT -5
@elle I actually do feel like we are friends. We still talk about what is going on in our lives and what we want and even about us (although talking about sex is VERY difficult/awkward/strained). We still like going out for coffee or going out for dinner or planning little adventures etc. And we are pretty much there for each other when there is a need (except for THAT need!). Yes, she has some emotional/intimacy issues and she can be quite self-centred, particularly when stressed or anxious. Then again I don't think I am completely perfect yet either! But I have had close relationships with both men and women in my life and I am not sure they felt all that different. I guess I was wondering if somebody would come up with any differences between a romantic relationship and a close friendship besides the sexual connection, as I can't think of any. I don't know if this answers your question or not but I'll give it a shot. A romantic relationship, romantic love is perishable. We bought into it with certain expectations which made us stop seeking other romantic relationships. So back to the perishable part, we all know romantic love isn't going to be like when we first met them but sex and intimacy is the glue, the mortar to keep a brick house together otherwise it will perish. I have male friends and I don't want to kiss them romantically they are just a friend. I have lots of these male and female. A spouse is not supposed to be one of these friends. A spouse, romantic relationship, should be someone you want to kiss forever so that it doesn't perish. Romantic love is perishable every other love for friends, family, parents, children - not perishable. |
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Post by angryspartan on Jun 22, 2016 11:38:44 GMT -5
Mine washes my socks. My friends never did that for me.
Must be love.
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Post by LITW on Jun 22, 2016 11:40:53 GMT -5
Reading this thread reminded me of what I find to be the hardest part of living in a sexless marriage: not being desired.
In other threads and other forums, I read about people fighting about sex, but for me having to fight about it misses the point. People fight about who does what chores, or who gets to buy what, or who gets their way, but generally when people do something because they lost a fight, they do it begrudgingly. I dont want to have sex with someone who is doing it begrudgingly. I want a lover who is enthusiastic about sharing her body with me. My wife is anything but enthusiastic about being sexual with me, and quite honestly, after years of trying to get her to be interested, I dont want to try anymore. If she isnt into me that way, she isn't into me.
Now if you ask HER, she would say that she and I are WAY more than friends, because for her intimacy is 98% emotional and 2% physical. She and I do share a lot of mutual interests and an emotional connection, (which is why I will probably never leave her,) but years of her shutting me down sexually has robbed me of that physical connection. I crave having a physical connection, and yet the sad thing is that I don't crave it with her anymore.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2016 22:02:58 GMT -5
Reading this thread reminded me of what I find to be the hardest part of living in a sexless marriage: not being desired. In other threads and other forums, I read about people fighting about sex, but for me having to fight about it misses the point. People fight about who does what chores, or who gets to buy what, or who gets their way, but generally when people do something because they lost a fight, they do it begrudgingly. I dont want to have sex with someone who is doing it begrudgingly. I want a lover who is enthusiastic about sharing her body with me. My wife is anything but enthusiastic about being sexual with me, and quite honestly, after years of trying to get her to be interested, I dont want to try anymore. If she isnt into me that way, she isn't into me. Now if you ask HER, she would say that she and I are WAY more than friends, because for her intimacy is 98% emotional and 2% physical. She and I do share a lot of mutual interests and an emotional connection, (which is why I will probably never leave her,) but years of her shutting me down sexually has robbed me of that physical connection. I crave having a physical connection, and yet the sad thing is that I don't crave it with her anymore. This and this strike me. Yes, the hardest part is not being desired. I get great conversation from friends, family, online. I get support and friendship from others besides my husband. But the one thing that I save only for him, that only he can give me, he won't. And it hurts so very deeply sometimes. I still envy those of you that have friendship with your refusing spouses. There's value in that. Enough? I don't know. I'm sad tonight. And frustrated. That way. Argh!!! |
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 22, 2016 22:47:38 GMT -5
Yes, the hardest part is not being desired. I get great conversation from friends, family, online. I get support and friendship from others besides my husband. But the one thing that I save only for him, that only he can give me, he won't. And it hurts so very deeply sometimes. I still envy those of you that have friendship with your refusing spouses. There's value in that. Enough? I don't know. I'm sad tonight. And frustrated. That way. Argh!!! Friendship is valuable, but not a substitute. If I had to choose, I'd give up friendship to gain intimacy. I can make friends. I'm not supposed to find sex / intimacy / love elsewhere. All the things W does, I could hire out. She despises the one thing I can't. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Jun 23, 2016 1:14:35 GMT -5
Yes, the hardest part is not being desired. I get great conversation from friends, family, online. I get support and friendship from others besides my husband. But the one thing that I save only for him, that only he can give me, he won't. And it hurts so very deeply sometimes. I still envy those of you that have friendship with your refusing spouses. There's value in that. Enough? I don't know. I'm sad tonight. And frustrated. That way. Argh!!! Friendship is valuable, but not a substitute. If I had to choose, I'd give up friendship to gain intimacy. I can make friends. I'm not supposed to find sex / intimacy / love elsewhere. All the things W does, I could hire out. She despises the one thing I can't. I've been finding I'm pulling back a bit even with the friendship part of our relationship- partially out of resentment, partially because I've felt more and more like a caretaker, and less and less like a partner for the last several months. |
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 23, 2016 1:31:25 GMT -5
I've been finding I'm pulling back a bit even with the friendship part of our relationship- partially out of resentment, partially because I've felt more and more like a caretaker, and less and less like a partner for the last several months. I find I'm withdrawing out of self-defense. Survival mode, if you will. The flame is so pretty, I just can't help but touch it. Surely it won't burn me like it has every single time before. The only sure prevention is to stay way the hell back. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 23, 2016 6:54:47 GMT -5
I've been finding I'm pulling back a bit even with the friendship part of our relationship- partially out of resentment, partially because I've felt more and more like a caretaker, and less and less like a partner for the last several months. I find I'm withdrawing out of self-defense. Survival mode, if you will. The flame is so pretty, I just can't help but touch it. Surely it won't burn me like it has every single time before. The only sure prevention is to stay way the hell back. Sounds like the "safe arms length distance" IS becoming more like a football field! i remember reading about detachment. The thing that confused the day lights out of me, was how detachment was going to make me come , begging, groveling, running, back to her feet? it had the complete opposite affect. It made me realize, that I won't be loosing much at all, once you see how things really are! |
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