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Post by Dan on Jun 18, 2016 9:44:02 GMT -5
Idk, she just seemed frustrated. When you're touch and sex starved it brings out some desperation ("the intimacy is the cure tting" I don't see her as a nut job but then again I suffer from anxiety depression mental illness and am also in the same boat. I also am responsible with my mental health like she is. I was shocked by people quickly labeling her. THIS. Basically, she did not give enough information for the original respondents -- or us for that matter -- to really advise her. I think we are ALL making assumptions. At the two extremes: A) She is a manipulative, deranged, nymphomaniac narcissist who wants her H to bang her four times a day, B) she just wants a bit more intimacy from her H to ease her mind, provide comfort, feel closeness -- quantity and frequency TBD -- and she is having trouble communicating this to her H, or he is having difficulty (or refusing) to provide it. If she is in the former category, OK, she needs serious counseling and medical attention. If she is in the latter category, hey, sounds like most of us! She may need marital therapy, or support from us until she can resolve finding more intimacy in someway that works for her. What is astounding to me is the level to which a whole PACK of women jumped on her as if it was the former WITHOUT ASKING CLARIFYING QUESTIONS... on an advice/support site of nearly 100% women. I've left her (the OP) "pointers" to visit our forum, and even a direct link to this thread. JenniferDec2013: if you ever make it over here and are reading this: we wish you all the best. If you join here, please introduce yourself on this thread, and/or PM any one of the participants on the site or on this thread. |
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Post by Dan on Jun 18, 2016 9:50:37 GMT -5
... BTW, I had to log SOMETHING for when I'm expecting. So I'm now expecting a child in January 2017... Btw, congratulations on your baby. Give your addy so I can sell you to science please  By the way, I've added the first few things to my baby's gift registry: - Gigabyte P55W gaming laptop
- Harman Kardon Omni 20 wireless HD speakers
- Google Nexus 9 Android tablet
I'm sure the baby will love these! Since we don't know the gender yet, let's be safe and just select neutral colors... |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2016 14:16:26 GMT -5
Dan: "in the former category, OK, she needs serious counseling and medical attention. If she is in the latter category, hey, sounds like most of us! She may need marital therapy, or support from us until she can resolve finding more intimacy in someway that works for her. What is astounding to me is the level to which a whole PACK of women jumped on her as if it was the former WITHOUT ASKING CLARIFYING QUESTIONS... on an advice/support site of nearly 100% women." What you said. When I see things like this, I'm ashamed of my gender. Women can be downright vicious to each other. And I have to say....getting married, having kids...doing all the expected "woman" things....for some women, doing those things seems to make it worse. It's like these women think that their marriage and their motherhood are their certificate of normality. So when any woman who also has the marriage and the kids dares to speak up and reveal that those things did not make her life perfect....these women go into attack mode.
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So mad
Jun 18, 2016 14:29:10 GMT -5
Post by greatcoastal on Jun 18, 2016 14:29:10 GMT -5
Dan : "in the former category, OK, she needs serious counseling and medical attention. If she is in the latter category, hey, sounds like most of us! She may need marital therapy, or support from us until she can resolve finding more intimacy in someway that works for her. What is astounding to me is the level to which a whole PACK of women jumped on her as if it was the former WITHOUT ASKING CLARIFYING QUESTIONS... on an advice/support site of nearly 100% women." What you said. When I see things like this, I'm ashamed of my gender. Women can be downright vicious to each other. And I have to say....getting married, having kids...doing all the expected "woman" things....for some women, doing those things seems to make it worse. It's like these women think that their marriage and their motherhood are their certificate of normality. So when any woman who also has the marriage and the kids dares to speak up and reveal that those things did not make her life perfect....these women go into attack mode. You mean there is actually some logic behind that vile behavior? That's one of those times when we men just throw our hands up and go, " women" and retract to our cave. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 19, 2016 2:48:06 GMT -5
Goodness me. I didn't realise those "Mum" discussion boards were such a breeding ground for sheer nastiness rudeness and negativity. Horrible cows! Go Dan ! |
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So mad
Jun 19, 2016 3:31:48 GMT -5
Dan likes this
Post by baza on Jun 19, 2016 3:31:48 GMT -5
Internet groups seem to attract similar viewpoints together.
A look at that Mums board shows that.
There is a common viewpoint and if any interloper tuns up with a contrary view, they get bagged.
You can see it in action on that group.
Not that much different to this group of which we are members.
Whereas the "bagging" in this group of dissenting opinion is usually fairly well reasoned, the group still can't be all things to all people.
Over recent times "carissimo" and "jasonl" have folded their respective tents and elected to cease involvement as the group was / is not what they want it to be.
And, there have been a number of initial posters who - in not getting the responses they may have been looking for - have not been heard of again.
And it was the same in the old EP group.
New posters there would attract comment, and that would be the last we heard from them in 80% of the cases.
I don't like anyones chances of influencing that Mums group to depart from their view of the world.
I don't like anyones chances of influencing this, our own groups view of dysfunctional marriages.
It is what it is.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2016 6:02:46 GMT -5
Dan: "in the former category, OK, she needs serious counseling and medical attention. If she is in the latter category, hey, sounds like most of us! She may need marital therapy, or support from us until she can resolve finding more intimacy in someway that works for her. What is astounding to me is the level to which a whole PACK of women jumped on her as if it was the former WITHOUT ASKING CLARIFYING QUESTIONS... on an advice/support site of nearly 100% women." What you said. When I see things like this, I'm ashamed of my gender. Women can be downright vicious to each other. And I have to say....getting married, having kids...doing all the expected "woman" things....for some women, doing those things seems to make it worse. It's like these women think that their marriage and their motherhood are their certificate of normality. So when any woman who also has the marriage and the kids dares to speak up and reveal that those things did not make her life perfect....these women go into attack mode. Men fight, women kill. A woman told me that. |
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Post by jenniferdec2013 on Aug 7, 2016 12:54:24 GMT -5
HI to all! I am the OP from BBC. And start by saying. Wow. I am touched by the amount of positive responses from all of you. Thank you Dan for PM me. I am actually responding late cause after that regrettable post that had started to effect my life in the real world, I decided to start new account and ignore them. I was in such a terrible place when I wrote that post and sounded very desperate. I have never been very good at expressing myself, I am a blunt and honest about myself and feel that's the way things should be. I am real. Just wish I cared a little less of what others think of me at times. Somethings can use some clarifying. First off I will start by saying. I am very aware of my mental illnesses that I have acquired over the years and do seek treatment for it. I have taken initiative for 13 years to take myself and pay the outrageous cost for psychotherapy and my therapist and I got a great laugh out of the comments made how she is not a good therapist and so on. Also was on medication and took them diligently for many years until they just did not help and better off with out them, agreed by my doctors. That being said, I do have intimacy issues and recognize that. My father had sex in front of me with my step mother and then his affair with another women at times and was molested by couple men. So yes I am sure that has a part in my need to be held and comforted in time of distraught. I have dealt with those issues and continue to every day. This post was not about those issues. My H has his own intimacy issues that I have had a hard time understanding. He just feels it is impossible to give me what I need when in those times of need. I cannot hate these horrible hateful disgusting women for their ignorant blatantly dumb comments. For they were able to push me further to find out why I could not get passed my moodiness and depression and at other times be perfectly fine. Not much later after that post I started having abdominal pain which lead me to my gyno and the hard decision to remove my Mirena IUD. I have always know my mental illness is all tied down to PMDD (pre-menstraul dysfuria disorder) and so when I removed it I got very sick and reading up on the Mirena Crash. After reading and watching stories of these women's experiences, and already looking into myself having a hormone imbalance for past year, I felt so much relief getting the device removed. It was taken out June 28th. Since then now outbursts, anxiety, panic attacks, uncontrollable tears, depression, desperation, intimacy issues, and most of all H and I have had 0 fights. I actually just started my first period since yesterday and feel great. I have never in my life have been able to experience this and first time in my life I am getting to know what is "myself". Turns out anti-depressant and therapy were not helping because BIRTH CONTROL was my problem. I have been on bc since I was 16 years old and turning 28 in few weeks. My childhood is most definitely a reason for why when on my bc, my past issues are exaggerated. Also, I spoke with my H about this post shortly after and let me him now what these women were saying, and how maybe I was pressuring him unintentionally or feeling like borderline "rape". His responce that these women are ridiculous and should be ignored. He did agree at times he feels a bit pressure from me but does not disagree that he could be more intimate when I need it but just feels he cannot for whatever reason. After I took the IUD out though or recognized that there may be a cure to my depression and emotional ways and outbursts by regulating hormones and getting off bc our relationship turned in a whole new direction. He now wants sex more often, able to very slightly give me more physical attention when sad, and get along better. Turns out, I didn't need any professional help and sex was not my cure, or vibrator, or leaving him, or whatever other crazy suggestion. I just needed to not be on any bc that was putting toxins and hormones in my body. I now juice and take supplements, and living a healthy natural life, happily. We actually are TTC #2 now. I still feel strong that if I am feeling that down and sad marriage is a two way street, when he is exhausted from working 84 hour weeks at times, I rub his back, make him meals, or give him space from the kids. When I am sad expecting cuddling or hug is not too much to ask. I just think I won't need that from nearly as much anymore. Sorry for such long response but after BBC saying I did not give as much answers as I should have I wanted to be clear. Thank you all for the great responses to see the injustice on how unfairly I was being treated. They did only make that hard time harder, they need to be more careful to how they treat others, for they may just respond to wrong person that can set them over the edge. I also believe these women are the reason for stereotypes, ignorance, and women having that old "role" in marriage. It's 2016 people, women want sex more than men in some cases, because of science and chemistry of our biological make up (what a concept) and do go to work full time while men stay at home (wow women and men are capable of doing other roles), yes this is sarcasm. My H and I laugh at the marriages and comments like "I made him sleep on the couch" uhh, my H would laugh if I said for him to sleep on uncomfortable couch when its his bed too, and I wouldn't expect any different than that. These women do probably tell their men "no sex for you tonight". But I probably should not be making assumptions as they did about me. I am a very logical, rational, independent strong woman, and pushed passed all I've been through and could see people like them think my mental health was easily explained when it was a common pill or method of hormones given to me freely and will nilly by the government. But this is another subject. Thank you again for the responses, empathy, and compassion. So good to know there are intelligent kind people in this world as well.
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So mad
Aug 7, 2016 15:00:49 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by pfviento on Aug 7, 2016 15:00:49 GMT -5
People can be especially vicious when it comes to forums like that.
The Super Parents will be quick to judge the women that can't breastfeed or perform their duties to their level of expectations.
I had a baby that had colic and even using that term could get you flamed by some who don't like the term. You need a HAZMAT suit just to enter a thread involving sleep training for infants. Anybody publically admitting to using the cry it out method should prepare for an all out assault.
My theory is for some judging others helps them deal with their own insecurities.
That being said I would add to the OP that the original post was worded in a way that left a tone that might not have been intended.
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So mad
Aug 7, 2016 16:54:05 GMT -5
Post by danman89 on Aug 7, 2016 16:54:05 GMT -5
![]()  As of this writing, 52 people liked this post. Jesus wept. |
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So mad
Aug 7, 2016 19:17:36 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by litnerd on Aug 7, 2016 19:17:36 GMT -5
jenniferdec2013 I dealt with *horrible* depression and anxiety/rage as a result of Mirena. My body actually rejected it after about 6 months, and I didn't realize how badly it affected me until it was out. I still have a lot of anxiety and depression, but not even close to the level it was for those months (I had just assumed it was because of the miscarriage I had a few months before getting Mirena). I am glad to hear that things seem to have improved for you.
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