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Post by tinymouse on Jun 17, 2016 13:52:43 GMT -5
This is why I said before that I found where our refusers are hiding out. It is absolutely absurd.
I have learned my lesson about not posting on there long ago. They are absolutely brain dead. But sometimes when work is slow I lurk. I know, I never better reading material
In this case though, they harp on red herring and absolutely cannot understand how it is not ok when a spouse denies all intimacy
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2016 14:18:15 GMT -5
To be fair to the forum, the OP does say "I have severe anxiety and mental illness that impairs most days and the and the cure for it is intimacy... I know if he could just hold me like I need than I could struggle less with my condition" That's not complaining she's not getting sex, that's a nutcase asking her spouse to be a miracle worker.
Note: as a fellow long time sufferer of depression, anxiety and ADHD, I'm not belittling her for her illness, but I am belittling her for expecting her spouse to cure her mental problems. I have a mother who whines and plays the martyr like OP is doing and I can tell OP from experience that being whiny and clingy will only drive people (far) away from you. I am normally empathetic I think but this expectation is beyond the pale and she needs to be cured of her delusion that expecting someone else (who is not a dcotor or psychiatrist even) to cure your illness is reasonable.
With that said, this is the only post I've ever read in that forum so maybe they need an attitude adjustment overall, but this is not an issue I disagree with them on. Now, off to read the new pages where they jump on Dan, lol, I haven' t read that thread since Dan posted.
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Post by beguiledcinderella on Jun 17, 2016 15:13:48 GMT -5
The replies to Dan make all the hairs stand up on the back of my neck
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2016 15:51:34 GMT -5
What a bunch of bitches. I would not be a bit surprised if my friend (now, thankfully, not as close a friend) "Amy" hangs out there. While I (and most people) would agree that sex is not the cure for everything....even if it doesn't actually fix things, it makes an existing situation BETTER. I will say this for those women: at least they believe in equal-opportunity refusing. They are telling the OP that her husband has a right to be a refuser. A lot of female refusers still believe the old myth that men want it all the time, and women just tolerate it. I don't dare post anything I *really* think on boards that are filled with women like them. I'd be crucified. Dan, what you did was a true act of bravery. |
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So mad
Jun 17, 2016 16:05:13 GMT -5
via mobile
Dan likes this
Post by tinymouse on Jun 17, 2016 16:05:13 GMT -5
Helen, I do agree with you on most points. But she is still neglected in intimacy. She said that he won't hug or kiss her, even when she asks. She did post about his lack of affection in 2015 and I honestly think she just worded her post in a bad way that these women harped on the wrong issues. But the position of the board is basically what you would expect a refuser to say
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 17, 2016 16:06:52 GMT -5
Mental notes for self:
1) ask future date, " what web sites do you read?"
2) ask Dan in March about his due date, and if he's picked a name.
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Post by JMX on Jun 17, 2016 16:23:22 GMT -5
Yay Dan!
I can definitely see a couple of divorces in some of those (clears throat) "ladies' " relationships. Sure, it's healthy to have control over one's body and sexuality - just don't be surprised when they drop the D on your healthy self! Lol!
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 17, 2016 16:23:34 GMT -5
"I wouldn't fuck my husband to cure jack shit for him."
"A divorce and a vibrator could literally solve all of your problems. Literally."
"Then hire a prostitute."
OP: "Exactly. Im asking to be held"
"Leave your husband and buy a boyfriend pillow to snuggle."
That's a genuinely empathetic crowd there. With a couple exceptions, the word "toxic" keeps springing to mind.
If nothing else, the mods should recognize that mental health issues are outside the ability of amateurs in a baby discussion group to diagnose through brief forum posts. The OP needs more / different professional help.
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Post by dancingbear70 on Jun 17, 2016 16:29:45 GMT -5
Wow! The cruelty targeted at the OP is remarkable. What makes people so mean towards a stranger who is obviously suffering. That said, people tend to reflect their own circumstance. Not very well disguised by the "you can't demand sex, it's his body" crowd. Ooof. Like most relationships, hers with her husband might jack sex but that is no more than a symptom. She has major problems. They have major problems. Good on you Dr. Dan for trying to protect her, but if she has been on that site for over a year, I'd bet she knew what was headed her way in the replys. Those people are crazy and mean! I'll stay curled up over here in this little corner of the Internet. And porn...gotta have some porn. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 17, 2016 16:32:30 GMT -5
If this is the "attitude" of today's current new mothers...........
Say a prayer for my teenagers who will be dating in the next decade!!
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So mad
Jun 17, 2016 16:58:45 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by tinymouse on Jun 17, 2016 16:58:45 GMT -5
If this is the "attitude" of today's current new mothers........... Say a prayer for my teenagers who will be dating in the next decade!! Thankfully it's not. I think most members that thing differently from them just avoid posting because they get attacked pretty badly too. |
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Post by Casiyessie on Jun 17, 2016 16:58:48 GMT -5
If this is the "attitude" of today's current new mothers........... Say a prayer for my teenagers who will be dating in the next decade!! New mother here and definitely not my way of thinking. Scary to think they all have that mentality. I stay away from those boards. |
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So mad
Jun 17, 2016 21:01:08 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by warmways on Jun 17, 2016 21:01:08 GMT -5
I do agree on that. She needs a good therapist and she can't use him as medicine. But the thing is, from what she wrote he is denying her any intimacy. Hugs, kisses, sex. Even when she asks for it, when she tells him how much she needs it. I think I this case her mental issues are a red herring and he actually makes them worse I was so fascinated (not in a good way), at the responses. She explains that she's been in therapy for 13 years and sees a psychiatrist and just wants at the very least "to be held". |
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So mad
Jun 17, 2016 21:02:36 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by warmways on Jun 17, 2016 21:02:36 GMT -5
To be fair to the forum, the OP does say "I have severe anxiety and mental illness that impairs most days and the and the cure for it is intimacy... I know if he could just hold me like I need than I could struggle less with my condition" That's not complaining she's not getting sex, that's a nutcase asking her spouse to be a miracle worker. Note: as a fellow long time sufferer of depression, anxiety and ADHD, I'm not belittling her for her illness, but I am belittling her for expecting her spouse to cure her mental problems. I have a mother who whines and plays the martyr like OP is doing and I can tell OP from experience that being whiny and clingy will only drive people (far) away from you. I am normally empathetic I think but this expectation is beyond the pale and she needs to be cured of her delusion that expecting someone else (who is not a dcotor or psychiatrist even) to cure your illness is reasonable. With that said, this is the only post I've ever read in that forum so maybe they need an attitude adjustment overall, but this is not an issue I disagree with them on. Now, off to read the new pages where they jump on Dan, lol, I haven' t read that thread since Dan posted. |
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Post by warmways on Jun 17, 2016 21:05:47 GMT -5
To be fair to the forum, the OP does say "I have severe anxiety and mental illness that impairs most days and the and the cure for it is intimacy... I know if he could just hold me like I need than I could struggle less with my condition" That's not complaining she's not getting sex, that's a nutcase asking her spouse to be a miracle worker. Note: as a fellow long time sufferer of depression, anxiety and ADHD, I'm not belittling her for her illness, but I am belittling her for expecting her spouse to cure her mental problems. I have a mother who whines and plays the martyr like OP is doing and I can tell OP from experience that being whiny and clingy will only drive people (far) away from you. I am normally empathetic I think but this expectation is beyond the pale and she needs to be cured of her delusion that expecting someone else (who is not a dcotor or psychiatrist even) to cure your illness is reasonable. With that said, this is the only post I've ever read in that forum so maybe they need an attitude adjustment overall, but this is not an issue I disagree with them on. Now, off to read the new pages where they jump on Dan, lol, I haven' t read that thread since Dan posted. Idk, she just seemed frustrated. When you're touch and sex starved it brings out some desperation ("the intimacy is the cure tting" I don't see her as a nut job but then again I suffer from anxiety depression mental illness and am also in the same boat. I also am responsible with my mental health like she is. I was shocked by people quickly labeling her. |
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