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Post by baza on Jun 20, 2016 0:04:46 GMT -5
I think in this bridge context, an essential point has been missed as far as walking over a bridge away from a dysfunctional relationship.
And that is, that there is no escape bridge in situ.
It has to be built, by *you*.
If you want to cross it is another matter.
If you want to burn it after you've crossed is yet another matter.
The escape bridge has to be constructed, by *you* before the crossing / burning of it is relevant.
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 6, 2016 9:54:56 GMT -5
When I first read this post I could not respond right away because the concept seemed a little off to me in regards to a sexless marriage. I needed time to figure out my thoughts as it relates to a SM.
Discalimer: by nature I don't believe in burning bridges. I get along with everyone and in the work place or friendships I will do the right thing regardless so I can sleep peacefully at the end of the day.
So this is my take on the burning bridge concept in regards to a SM:
We did not burn bridges, we will not burn bridges, they the refusers burned many bridges day by day month by month by not loving us. Then they reset us with sex and WE rebuild the bridge they burned but it's not as strong because our materials aren't as good like trust and reliability. But year after year we rebuild another bridge and then they burn it. The fire they are providing to burn the bridge is the light we need to see. They are providing the light and to some degree we are avoidant of the truth the light is providing. For me it was better not the rebuild another bridge between him and I. I walked away from the bridge. However there is another bridge between us that is indestructible it's the bridge of our children and we both love them very much, that bridge can't be burned. That bridge is my only purpose for communication with him. So in a SM during the marriage they are the bridge burners we just have to see the light it provides. Just my 2 cents.
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sufferinhubby
Junior Member
My marriage is not a tragedy. It's more like a romantic comedy without the romance
Posts: 67 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by sufferinhubby on Jul 6, 2016 10:03:21 GMT -5
You guys got me feeling inspirational.  I'm sure that is meant as a joke, bin all honesty it's probably true lol |
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 6, 2016 10:06:44 GMT -5
You guys got me feeling inspirational. I'm sure that is meant as a joke, bin all honesty it's probably true lol To some degree it's true but abuse is not acceptable and by no sex that's abuse. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 6, 2016 10:13:36 GMT -5
When I first read this post I could not respond right away because the concept seemed a little off to me in regards to a sexless marriage. I needed time to figure out my thoughts as it relates to a SM. Discalimer: by nature I don't believe in burning bridges. I get along with everyone and in the work place or friendships I will do the right thing regardless so I can sleep peacefully at the end of the day. So this is my take on the burning bridge concept in regards to a SM: We did not burn bridges, we will not burn bridges, they the refusers burned many bridges day by day month by month by not loving us. Then they reset us with sex and WE rebuild the bridge they burned but it's not as strong because our materials aren't as good like trust and reliability. But year after year we rebuild another bridge and then they burn it. The fire they are providing to burn the bridge is the light we need to see. They are providing the light and to some degree we are avoidant of the truth the light is providing. For me it was better not the rebuild another bridge between him and I. I walked away from the bridge. However there is another bridge between us that is indestructible it's the bridge of our children and we both love them very much, that bridge can't be burned. That bridge is my only purpose for communication with him. So in a SM during the marriage they are the bridge burners we just have to see the light it provides. Just my 2 cents. Kind of brings up another why question? ( yea I know, don't go there! Lol) why or how can a spouse love there children so much, but reject there spouse? The commitment, the patients, the understanding, friendship, intimacy, compassion, discipline etc... Is all there, for another human, so why not for the spouse? Does it revolve around sex and respect? The respect part comes into play with children too? I don't have an answer. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 6, 2016 10:19:21 GMT -5
When I first read this post I could not respond right away because the concept seemed a little off to me in regards to a sexless marriage. I needed time to figure out my thoughts as it relates to a SM. Discalimer: by nature I don't believe in burning bridges. I get along with everyone and in the work place or friendships I will do the right thing regardless so I can sleep peacefully at the end of the day. So this is my take on the burning bridge concept in regards to a SM: We did not burn bridges, we will not burn bridges, they the refusers burned many bridges day by day month by month by not loving us. Then they reset us with sex and WE rebuild the bridge they burned but it's not as strong because our materials aren't as good like trust and reliability. But year after year we rebuild another bridge and then they burn it. The fire they are providing to burn the bridge is the light we need to see. They are providing the light and to some degree we are avoidant of the truth the light is providing. For me it was better not the rebuild another bridge between him and I. I walked away from the bridge. However there is another bridge between us that is indestructible it's the bridge of our children and we both love them very much, that bridge can't be burned. That bridge is my only purpose for communication with him. So in a SM during the marriage they are the bridge burners we just have to see the light it provides. Just my 2 cents. Kind of brings up another why question? ( yea I know, don't go there! Lol) why or how can a spouse love there children so much, but reject there spouse? The commitment, the patients, the understanding, friendship, intimacy, compassion, discipline etc... Is all there so why not for the spouse? Does it revolve around sex and respect? The respect part comes into play with children too? I don't have an answer. That's not a hard question. It's a different kind of love. Love for our children and our parents is unconditional. Romantic love is not. Romantic love can perish. There are so many different things tied to romantic love. The unconditional love one has for their child will never waiver. In my eyes it's apples and oranges. Both fruit but ones wet and juicy and one is not. Dried up oranges suck and get thrown away. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 6, 2016 10:26:43 GMT -5
Kind of brings up another why question? ( yea I know, don't go there! Lol) why or how can a spouse love there children so much, but reject there spouse? The commitment, the patients, the understanding, friendship, intimacy, compassion, discipline etc... Is all there so why not for the spouse? Does it revolve around sex and respect? The respect part comes into play with children too? I don't have an answer. That's not a hard question. It's a different kind of love. Love for our children and our parents is unconditional. Romantic love is not. Romantic love can perish. There are so many different things tied to romantic love. The unconditional love one has for their child will never waiver. In my eyes it's apples and oranges. Both fruit but ones wet and juicy and one is not. Dried up oranges suck and get thrown away. Well, that's darn close to answering it! However, ( here I go again!) I went into marriage with a strong foundation of unconditional love was part of the agreement. The unconditional would pull us through the negatives. The poorer, the sickness, the bad times, etc...can't do that with a disconnected refuser. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 6, 2016 10:48:17 GMT -5
That's not a hard question. It's a different kind of love. Love for our children and our parents is unconditional. Romantic love is not. Romantic love can perish. There are so many different things tied to romantic love. The unconditional love one has for their child will never waiver. In my eyes it's apples and oranges. Both fruit but ones wet and juicy and one is not. Dried up oranges suck and get thrown away. Well, that's darn close to answering it! However, ( here I go again!) I went into marriage with a strong foundation of unconditional love was part of the agreement. The unconditional would pull us through the negatives. The poorer, the sickness, the bad times, etc...can't do that with a disconnected refuser. Of course we all went into marriage with that view but now that I'm wiser I know better. Richer, poorer, sickness, health - there are different deal breakers for everyone. I know a lot of women that would not stay with a man if the poorer suddenly appeared, others won't stay for a lack of commitment, but some do and work through the issues. I'm probably not the best one to answer this right now because I'm so jaded on marriage. I actually think that maybe the people who were married 3 or 4 times have more quality of life, love and happiness in their life compared to us who took those marriage vows seriously and imprisoned ourselves for decades in a life with a huge void. It might be what do we want more love or passion? At this point today right now I need passion. I can get love from my kids, friends, family, students - yes even my students tell me they love me on a regular basis. There is something to be said for sex, the endorphins it releases whether you love the person or not. The key is just having sex with the right person and clearly our spouses were not right for us. I will never imprison myself again. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 6, 2016 17:04:37 GMT -5
I would only need one hand to count the bridges I've burned. I am by nature and choice a bride builder. But I have demolished one bridge in order to build another. To me a bridge is a construct employed to reach or travel to a destination. What a crime to burn something that has done exactly what I ask of it. So bridges burned; few, bridges built and employed to take me where I wanted to go, many.
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