Denial

@creelunion darktippedrose another 5 month trip to Morocco could come in handy for executing an exit plan!

Ooh, I have another idea. You can just invite him and us from ILIASM to a dark alley. He'll never bother you again (because he will be a bloody pulp in a dumpster).

darktippedrose, I know you are scared of your husband. I'M scared of your husband.

I won't list all the reasons why - other people have done this - but I see so many red flags, I feel like I'm at a bullfight.

He is doing things that are illegal. Possible terrorism aside - if he physically injures you, he could be charged and convicted for that.

I think if you reached out for help - to a women's hotline, the local police, or whoever - they would absolutely be on your side. Only the most conservative, backward-thinking people would support him over you. And as others have mentioned, you are in the U.S. Even the most backwards conservatives here would not condone the kind of things he does.

Are you still in therapy? If so, have you told the therapist everything that you have told us?

right now I post on wordpress. i need to post more. Mostly i just try to walk around him and ignore him as much as he ignores me.

I'm so sorry you're still in this abusive marriage, darktippedrose.  I've read a number of your posts and it seems to me you are still questioning whether there is real abuse or whether you deserve better and you seem to still be waiting for your husband to come around to the real truth, instead of his version of lies.  From your posts and with some background in psychology, let me affirm for you as others have that YES there is real abuse and YES you deserve better.  I understand not being ready to leave.  I truly do.  But pave the way to empower yourself.  Begin one step at a time.  You've to find a way up and out of this, if nothing else for your CHILDREN's sake.

Document the abuse.  Be specific with dates, quotes, situations, etc.  Find a women's group that will give you free legal advice.  But most of all, value yourself.  Do one thing every day that honors your spirit and shows you that YOU are worth more.  Maybe it's prayer - maybe it's a private chat with a supportive friend (online or real), maybe it's exercise, maybe it's a tiny step towards your exit, but something so that YOU are not betraying YOU anymore.  Validate yourself if no one else will.  You know the truth about the STDs, you don't need him to admit it.  You know the truth about all of it.  It's in your heart.  All you have to do is listen (pray/meditate) and get strong enough to follow.

Others have given great advice.  You can do this.  You matter!!  Your children matter!!  This case seems more clear cut than others I've seen.  Don't forget the power of a woman - it is unparalleled, no matter how it seems at times.  Women, mothers, wives - we make the world go round, even if behind the scenes.  You have that power within you.  Harness it.  Sending you love and light and all the power you may need to care for YOU and YOURS.

hhe wanted us to move to Morocco. So the kidz had just been diagnosed with autism. they were starting their first year of school and this was after me having a meltdown after him wanting to another wife.

he spent 4 months in Morocco trying to get an appartment and one month in North Carolina with family

darktippedrose, my apologies if this has been suggested before, but I wonder if you might benefit from reading up on Stockholm Syndrome?  It typically applies to hostages/kidnapping situations, but in a sense, you are held hostage in your marriage.  I wonder if some of your denial comes from feelings of tenderness you might still have for him, even though he has abused you?

Understanding this psychological mechanism (a very real one at that) might help you to see it from a more objective viewpoint and thus help you to self-empower.