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Post by toughtiger on Nov 11, 2023 15:44:57 GMT -5
Sad to say I have found out SOOOOO many items wrong with our marriage SEX was the only thing holding it together......
now that it is gone i should be too....
the holidays are coming and he will want to pretend at gatherings that all is well but in reality he makes my skin crawl anymore.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 11, 2023 23:27:15 GMT -5
Sad to say I have found out SOOOOO many items wrong with our marriage SEX was the only thing holding it together...... now that it is gone i should be too.... the holidays are coming and he will want to pretend at gatherings that all is well but in reality he makes my skin crawl anymore. Holidays are really tough times for those of us enduring SM'S! This is when the 'fake mask' goes up to pretend that all is well to 'keep the peace' in the family unit., at the cost and detriment to ourselves,and often everyone else involved in it. But in reality much of 'the family' knows the truth and doesn't want to confront it. it's the tough choices that are normally the most beneficial in the long run. |
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Nov 12, 2023 13:48:48 GMT -5
Sad to say I have found out SOOOOO many items wrong with our marriage SEX was the only thing holding it together...... now that it is gone i should be too.... the holidays are coming and he will want to pretend at gatherings that all is well but in reality he makes my skin crawl anymore. Soo yesterday was my moms 80 bday party and stbx was acting the same in front of family. Went home and I fell asleep early and woke up to her poking me on my shoulder asking if I want to mess around.. Was very caught off guard by this and of course she lays on her back and waits for me to do everything as usual. Found myself not rising to the occasion which never has happened to me before. Got her to finish line with my fingers and still wasn’t rising to the occasion. She asked what was wrong with me and I said maybe if you touched it or sucked it maybe it would work. She of course was not interested in trying. Laid there for a while thinking maybe something was wrong so I started thinking about my emotional affair with online friend and instantly rose to the occasion 😂🤣 phew I was worried for a minute. |
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Nov 12, 2023 14:35:26 GMT -5
Sad to say I have found out SOOOOO many items wrong with our marriage SEX was the only thing holding it together...... now that it is gone i should be too.... the holidays are coming and he will want to pretend at gatherings that all is well but in reality he makes my skin crawl anymore. Soo yesterday was my moms 80 bday party and stbx was acting the same in front of family. Went home and I fell asleep early and woke up to her poking me on my shoulder asking if I want to mess around.. Was very caught off guard by this and of course she lays on her back and waits for me to do everything as usual. Found myself not rising to the occasion which never has happened to me before. Got her to finish line with my fingers and still wasn’t rising to the occasion. She asked what was wrong with me and I said maybe if you touched it or sucked it maybe it would work. She of course was not interested in trying. Laid there for a while thinking maybe something was wrong so I started thinking about my emotional affair with online friend and instantly rose to the occasion 😂🤣 phew I was worried for a minute. How often does she poke you for fooling around? I'd give almost anything for mine to ever show even that little bit of interest. |
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Nov 12, 2023 15:31:49 GMT -5
Soo yesterday was my moms 80 bday party and stbx was acting the same in front of family. Went home and I fell asleep early and woke up to her poking me on my shoulder asking if I want to mess around.. Was very caught off guard by this and of course she lays on her back and waits for me to do everything as usual. Found myself not rising to the occasion which never has happened to me before. Got her to finish line with my fingers and still wasn’t rising to the occasion. She asked what was wrong with me and I said maybe if you touched it or sucked it maybe it would work. She of course was not interested in trying. Laid there for a while thinking maybe something was wrong so I started thinking about my emotional affair with online friend and instantly rose to the occasion 😂🤣 phew I was worried for a minute. How often does she poke you for fooling around? I'd give almost anything for mine to ever show even that little bit of interest. Never. And the poking thing startled the shit out of me. What ever goes through your head to think this is a sexual move? Anyways she did so because I have been trying the last 3 weeks and have a sense she knew I was getting pissy. Plus she asked me to pay her car payment for her new car she purchased without considering my input. So she maybe felt to give me pitty sex. From now on I will be the refuser and see how this goes. Still saving for the lawyer I picked out. 😏 |
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Post by toughtiger on Nov 12, 2023 15:58:12 GMT -5
Soo yesterday was my moms 80 bday party and stbx was acting the same in front of family. Went home and I fell asleep early and woke up to her poking me on my shoulder asking if I want to mess around.. Was very caught off guard by this and of course she lays on her back and waits for me to do everything as usual. Found myself not rising to the occasion which never has happened to me before. Got her to finish line with my fingers and still wasn’t rising to the occasion. She asked what was wrong with me and I said maybe if you touched it or sucked it maybe it would work. She of course was not interested in trying. Laid there for a while thinking maybe something was wrong so I started thinking about my emotional affair with online friend and instantly rose to the occasion 😂🤣 phew I was worried for a minute. I have had a friend for a few years now and last half attempt by spouse i could not even get into it and think the only way i could finish was if fantasizing about friend. |
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Nov 12, 2023 16:08:34 GMT -5
Soo yesterday was my moms 80 bday party and stbx was acting the same in front of family. Went home and I fell asleep early and woke up to her poking me on my shoulder asking if I want to mess around.. Was very caught off guard by this and of course she lays on her back and waits for me to do everything as usual. Found myself not rising to the occasion which never has happened to me before. Got her to finish line with my fingers and still wasn’t rising to the occasion. She asked what was wrong with me and I said maybe if you touched it or sucked it maybe it would work. She of course was not interested in trying. Laid there for a while thinking maybe something was wrong so I started thinking about my emotional affair with online friend and instantly rose to the occasion 😂🤣 phew I was worried for a minute. I have had a friend for a few years now and last half attempt by spouse i could not even get into it and think the only way i could finish was if fantasizing about friend. Good thing we got good imagination 😏😉 |
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 12, 2023 16:52:43 GMT -5
Sad to say I have found out SOOOOO many items wrong with our marriage SEX was the only thing holding it together...... now that it is gone i should be too.... the holidays are coming and he will want to pretend at gatherings that all is well but in reality he makes my skin crawl anymore. Soo yesterday was my moms 80 bday party and stbx was acting the same in front of family. Went home and I fell asleep early and woke up to her poking me on my shoulder asking if I want to mess around.. Was very caught off guard by this and of course she lays on her back and waits for me to do everything as usual. Found myself not rising to the occasion which never has happened to me before. Got her to finish line with my fingers and still wasn’t rising to the occasion. She asked what was wrong with me and I said maybe if you touched it or sucked it maybe it would work. She of course was not interested in trying. Laid there for a while thinking maybe something was wrong so I started thinking about my emotional affair with online friend and instantly rose to the occasion 😂🤣 phew I was worried for a minute. There is a positive side to mention about what happened. The positive side is that you proved to yourself that you still require an emotional connection along with the physical connection, to make it work!! Sadly their are people who have turned to porn to fill the emptiness that a SM gives, and end up becoming desensitized to the emotional side to sex and intimacy. |
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Nov 12, 2023 20:18:47 GMT -5
Soo yesterday was my moms 80 bday party and stbx was acting the same in front of family. Went home and I fell asleep early and woke up to her poking me on my shoulder asking if I want to mess around.. Was very caught off guard by this and of course she lays on her back and waits for me to do everything as usual. Found myself not rising to the occasion which never has happened to me before. Got her to finish line with my fingers and still wasn’t rising to the occasion. She asked what was wrong with me and I said maybe if you touched it or sucked it maybe it would work. She of course was not interested in trying. Laid there for a while thinking maybe something was wrong so I started thinking about my emotional affair with online friend and instantly rose to the occasion 😂🤣 phew I was worried for a minute. There is a positive side to mention about what happened. The positive side is that you proved to yourself that you still require an emotional connection along with the physical connection, to make it work!! Sadly their are people who have turned to porn to fill the emptiness that a SM gives, and end up becoming desensitized to the emotional side to sex and intimacy. Exactly what I was thinking. I don’t think I’m desensitized as not into porn to much. |
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Post by aquacat on Nov 13, 2023 11:35:49 GMT -5
Yesterday my wife could tell I was not in a good mood. I flirted with her quite a bit the night before and she played along so I thought it would have been on that night but nope. I waited a little bit to see if she would initiate and she didn't, and when I did she said she was tired and said we could maybe try in the morning which would have been yesterday morning. Nope she was too tired. Last night when we went to bed she told me to go grab the towel and lube (she needs lube as she knows it's painful for us both when we start because she can't get aroused that way) and she proceeded to lay there. She knew it upset me because I like doing oral on her and she shut that down quick. I just had to turn my thoughts to something that would help me. It was one of the least sexy experiences we've had in a while. I equate emotion and sex together and I'm just not feeling it, and like you Missingout I need that emotional connection. I've had it happen on several occasions where it would not get up no matter what I tried. Missingout, your wife responded the way mine would if I asked her to touch or suck it. She loathes oral sex and when I do ask her to touch it she tends to be a little rough. I hate having to ask her to touch me intimately. I don't think we kissed even once during either.
I've gone away from porn as I got to the point of it just didn't make sense anymore to watch it and take care of it that way.
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Nov 13, 2023 12:07:15 GMT -5
Yesterday my wife could tell I was not in a good mood. I flirted with her quite a bit the night before and she played along so I thought it would have been on that night but nope. I waited a little bit to see if she would initiate and she didn't, and when I did she said she was tired and said we could maybe try in the morning which would have been yesterday morning. Nope she was too tired. Last night when we went to bed she told me to go grab the towel and lube (she needs lube as she knows it's painful for us both when we start because she can't get aroused that way) and she proceeded to lay there. She knew it upset me because I like doing oral on her and she shut that down quick. I just had to turn my thoughts to something that would help me. It was one of the least sexy experiences we've had in a while. I equate emotion and sex together and I'm just not feeling it, and like you Missingout I need that emotional connection. I've had it happen on several occasions where it would not get up no matter what I tried. Missingout, your wife responded the way mine would if I asked her to touch or suck it. She loathes oral sex and when I do ask her to touch it she tends to be a little rough. I hate having to ask her to touch me intimately. I don't think we kissed even once during either. I've gone away from porn as I got to the point of it just didn't make sense anymore to watch it and take care of it that way. My wife has done that for years... not tonight I'm tired maybe tomorrow, not this morning I have to get ready, not this weekend I have cramps.....excuse after excuse. Just have to accept that sex is just not important to her. |
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 13, 2023 13:52:00 GMT -5
Accept that not having sex is more important to her than having sex is important to you. If having sex were more important to you, you wouldn't be with her.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 13, 2023 22:46:20 GMT -5
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Post by isthisit on Nov 14, 2023 7:55:44 GMT -5
Yesterday my wife could tell I was not in a good mood. I flirted with her quite a bit the night before and she played along so I thought it would have been on that night but nope. I waited a little bit to see if she would initiate and she didn't, and when I did she said she was tired and said we could maybe try in the morning which would have been yesterday morning. Nope she was too tired. Last night when we went to bed she told me to go grab the towel and lube (she needs lube as she knows it's painful for us both when we start because she can't get aroused that way) and she proceeded to lay there. She knew it upset me because I like doing oral on her and she shut that down quick. I just had to turn my thoughts to something that would help me. It was one of the least sexy experiences we've had in a while. I equate emotion and sex together and I'm just not feeling it, and like you Missingout I need that emotional connection. I've had it happen on several occasions where it would not get up no matter what I tried. Missingout, your wife responded the way mine would if I asked her to touch or suck it. She loathes oral sex and when I do ask her to touch it she tends to be a little rough. I hate having to ask her to touch me intimately. I don't think we kissed even once during either. I've gone away from porn as I got to the point of it just didn't make sense anymore to watch it and take care of it that way. Wow, that is grim. Empathy to you, that’s quite a bit to deal with. Just a reminder that not all women are cut from this cloth. I know in my darkest days I began to see all men as panda-like between the sheets. |
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kevinp
Junior Member
sex where R U
Posts: 25
Age Range: 66-70
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Post by kevinp on Nov 14, 2023 17:18:31 GMT -5
Having problems speaking to W about what her cause of not wanting sex could be. My kids are in there teens so I would say let’s go to bed to talk. I have a feeling she thinks it is me wanting to initiate sex so she refuses to come to bed. So exhausted. So I’m gonna lay it out there so she doesn’t have any inclination of sex being part of anything. She thinks anything I do is for sex. She needs to get over herself cause it’s not that great. And I’m to old to argue anymore. Just curious if anyone had to do this to get a real conversation going because it’s been a month since a talk and she said she would change but it hasn’t. In our situation, I tried talking for years in between serious medical episodes for her. These made it all to obvious to me, what the problem is in our case. She had a full hystorectomy in year 5 of our 32 years. That resulted in no sex, no intimacy, no playing around with me even, for 4 plus years. I found later that she has not been on her prescribed HRT. Somebody talked her into believing it was bad for her. The years of 'cold as a fish' started then. Last year, we started counselling, and another issue came up; her hoarding and messy lifestyle, which I deeply resent and cannot even comment on without a fight. She's working on that now, slowly. The sex side of the counselling is on hold while her mind is absolutely focused on the long clean up. She will not even talk about sex. Still in counselling. The frustration mounts. |
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