maxlonely
New Member
In a desperately lonely relationship..
Posts: 13
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Post by maxlonely on Sept 23, 2023 13:17:09 GMT -5
I think it’s been so long without sex that I’ve forgotten what to do and what works in the bedroom.
I guess people get ideas from pornography.
I actually hate pornography. It’s boring and contrived.
Since my wife and I don’t have sex and never really talked about how to have it for enjoyment I think I’m such a rookie at this.
I guess you only learn a skill by practice and if you don’t do it for years you loose touch.
What do people do about this?
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Post by h on Sept 24, 2023 6:12:26 GMT -5
I remember how to have sex. My body doesn't remember though. The last two encounters, I couldn't rise to the occasion. I no longer see her as a sexual person anymore.
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Post by mirrororchid on Sept 27, 2023 6:11:01 GMT -5
You've asked for "The Meaning of Life".
It's a broad subject.
At the base of sex is PIV.
That's page 1.
Tada! You know how to have sex.
After that, it's nuance.
What areas have you anxious?
Flirting?
Foreplay?
Premature ejaculation?
Female physiology and mechanics to exploit the design?
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maxlonely
New Member
In a desperately lonely relationship..
Posts: 13
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Post by maxlonely on Sept 28, 2023 5:52:48 GMT -5
I remember how to have sex. My body doesn't remember though. The last two encounters, I couldn't rise to the occasion. I no longer see her as a sexual person anymore. I think this is unfortunately sad. When you don’t connect and practice enough the whole rhythm goes out the window. I guess I’m probably a bit nervous for when I find another partner I’ll be lost and way out of experience. Feel like I need a lot of practice.. I did the math. I have probably had sex with my wife 10 times in total in 15 years. |
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Post by h on Oct 5, 2023 10:19:51 GMT -5
I remember how to have sex. My body doesn't remember though. The last two encounters, I couldn't rise to the occasion. I no longer see her as a sexual person anymore. I think this is unfortunately sad. When you don’t connect and practice enough the whole rhythm goes out the window. I guess I’m probably a bit nervous for when I find another partner I’ll be lost and way out of experience. Feel like I need a lot of practice.. I did the math. I have probably had sex with my wife 10 times in total in 15 years. If the next woman is worth while, she'll understand and reassure you through any difficulties. |
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 5, 2023 11:14:45 GMT -5
h: "I remember how to have sex. My body doesn't remember though. The last two encounters, I couldn't rise to the occasion. I no longer see her as a sexual person anymore." With the constant rejection, of course you couldn't rise to the occasion. I bet you could with a woman who was obviously attracted to you sexually. If, however, you are having difficulty rising to the occasion while self pleasuring, see a doctor. Maybe you need cialis or t therapy or maybe you have a medical problem like diabetes. My now partner of 10 years went to see his doctor when his libido dropped. He wasn't even in a sexual relationship then, but started using t therapy and Cialis. When I came into his life, he was ready.  |
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Post by h on Oct 5, 2023 11:21:41 GMT -5
h: "I remember how to have sex. My body doesn't remember though. The last two encounters, I couldn't rise to the occasion. I no longer see her as a sexual person anymore." With the constant rejection, of course you couldn't rise to the occasion. I bet you could with a woman who was obviously attracted to you sexually. If, however, you are having difficulty rising to the occasion while self pleasuring, see a doctor. Maybe you need cialis or t therapy or maybe you have a medical problem like diabetes. My now partner of 10 years went to see his doctor when his libido dropped. He wasn't even in a sexual relationship then, but started using t therapy and Cialis. When I came into his life, he was ready. That's exactly my situation. I have zero problems solo. It's only with her. |
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Post by deadzone75 on Oct 6, 2023 10:20:50 GMT -5
h: "I remember how to have sex. My body doesn't remember though. The last two encounters, I couldn't rise to the occasion. I no longer see her as a sexual person anymore." With the constant rejection, of course you couldn't rise to the occasion. I bet you could with a woman who was obviously attracted to you sexually. If, however, you are having difficulty rising to the occasion while self pleasuring, see a doctor. Maybe you need cialis or t therapy or maybe you have a medical problem like diabetes. My now partner of 10 years went to see his doctor when his libido dropped. He wasn't even in a sexual relationship then, but started using t therapy and Cialis. When I came into his life, he was ready. That's exactly my situation. I have zero problems solo. It's only with her. Foreplay is the hardest thing, in my opinion. When you spend weeks, months and years just waiting for a chance to (pardon the chill) stick it in a warm spot and get off, you shut that part of intimacy off first. Detached, because there's no time to waste, no need to humiliate yourself with slow and sensual kissing or sucking when the other person is looking at the clock. YOU are on the clock, and you best hurry up and be done with it before you suffer the stifled yawns or sighs of indifference. |
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Post by h on Oct 6, 2023 13:26:12 GMT -5
That's exactly my situation. I have zero problems solo. It's only with her. Foreplay is the hardest thing, in my opinion. When you spend weeks, months and years just waiting for a chance to (pardon the chill) stick it in a warm spot and get off, you shut that part of intimacy off first. Detached, because there's no time to waste, no need to humiliate yourself with slow and sensual kissing or sucking when the other person is looking at the clock. YOU are on the clock, and you best hurry up and be done with it before you suffer the stifled yawns or sighs of indifference. Bingo. I have to do all the foreplay and buildup for her. She gets her finish before I'm allowed to start my part. During this time she doesn't reciprocate foreplay or touch me at all. She signals that it's my turn and then my clock starts and it's a race to finish before she decides she doesn't want to continue anymore. I've lost interest in this kind of sex so my body doesn't respond anymore. |
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Post by aquacat on Oct 8, 2023 9:53:49 GMT -5
Foreplay is the hardest thing, in my opinion. When you spend weeks, months and years just waiting for a chance to (pardon the chill) stick it in a warm spot and get off, you shut that part of intimacy off first. Detached, because there's no time to waste, no need to humiliate yourself with slow and sensual kissing or sucking when the other person is looking at the clock. YOU are on the clock, and you best hurry up and be done with it before you suffer the stifled yawns or sighs of indifference. Bingo. I have to do all the foreplay and buildup for her. She gets her finish before I'm allowed to start my part. During this time she doesn't reciprocate foreplay or touch me at all. She signals that it's my turn and then my clock starts and it's a race to finish before she decides she doesn't want to continue anymore. I've lost interest in this kind of sex so my body doesn't respond anymore. I’m in this exact same boat. I get the occasional touch down there during foreplay as I have to do all of that on her to get her going. No kissing on me other than my lips and I’ve told her what I’d like for her to do with kissing my face, neck, chest but she just won’t do it. It’s gotten to where I can’t even finish during sex and have to fake it because I’m just so disinterested in it with her. Solo is no problem, but with her it is. I know she doesn’t find me sexually attractive and I don’t know why. I just want to be touched and kissed intimately. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 9, 2023 7:18:54 GMT -5
If ever you get to the sufficient level of "fuck it", what would happen if you got her off, then when she says it's your turn, shrug and say, "Next time". Kiss her and get ready for work. roll over an asleep, etc.
She's a bad fuck?
Let her have the good stuff and she'll either now how bad she is, or be baffled that sex isn't all you're after and pleasing your partner for their sake is a thing.
It's a huge ask. This is probably for the point at which you're considering leaving anyway or have hit counter-refuser mode.
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Post by h on Oct 9, 2023 18:56:55 GMT -5
Bingo. I have to do all the foreplay and buildup for her. She gets her finish before I'm allowed to start my part. During this time she doesn't reciprocate foreplay or touch me at all. She signals that it's my turn and then my clock starts and it's a race to finish before she decides she doesn't want to continue anymore. I've lost interest in this kind of sex so my body doesn't respond anymore. I’m in this exact same boat. I get the occasional touch down there during foreplay as I have to do all of that on her to get her going. No kissing on me other than my lips and I’ve told her what I’d like for her to do with kissing my face, neck, chest but she just won’t do it. It’s gotten to where I can’t even finish during sex and have to fake it because I’m just so disinterested in it with her. Solo is no problem, but with her it is. I know she doesn’t find me sexually attractive and I don’t know why. I just want to be touched and kissed intimately. At least she touches you at all. Mine won't. Bodily fluids gross her out so if I get preliminarily excited and a few drops happen to get on her hand it's "Ew, I have to wipe this off right now before we continue." |
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Post by h on Oct 9, 2023 18:59:49 GMT -5
If ever you get to the sufficient level of "fuck it", what would happen if you got her off, then when she says it's your turn, shrug and say, "Next time". Kiss her and get ready for work. roll over an asleep, etc. She's a bad fuck? Let her have the good stuff and she'll either now how bad she is, or be baffled that sex isn't all you're after and pleasing your partner for their sake is a thing. It's a huge ask. This is probably for the point at which you're considering leaving anyway or have hit counter-refuser mode. I'm kind of already there whether I say so or not. It's a bit of a moot point. |
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Post by flyingsolo on Oct 9, 2023 19:22:48 GMT -5
Interesting issue - forgetting how to have sex. What's that say about how terrible a sexless marriage really is?!? After being with my ex for over 21 years and being sexless for 5, I was exceptionally nervous when I got out of my sexless marriage at the thought of being with another woman and how I would perform. I certainly didn't want to be a disappointment for the next woman I was with. It had been so long since my ex and I really even kissed with any sort of passion that I was worried that I'd even forgotten how to give a good kiss. Crazy right? As several men mentioned, I had no problem "flying solo", but when I was first with my girlfriend, the nerves got the best of me and I had trouble performing and finishing as well. It's funny after being in a sexless marriage for so long, the first time you have chance to have sex with someone else you'd think your "little brain" would be raring to go, but that wasn't the case. It wasn't that I wasn't absolutely attracted to her (an issue many of us had with our partners in our sexless marriages), it was just that I was so damn nervous after so long without sex and being with a new partner. Two things I did which made a big difference - I had a very frank discussion with my girlfriend about where I'd been emotionally and my struggles with a sexless marriage, how long it had been since having sex with someone else, and how I didn't want to disappoint her but I was nervous as hell. I also talked to my doctor, explained the situation and got some little yellow pills that help with blood flow for those intimate moments. Both went a long way to putting my mind at ease and relaxing me when it was time to perform. My girlfriend was amazingly understanding and patient and things are wonderful between the sheets now. I don't need the little yellow pills anymore as I'm no longer nervous about performing and now we just enjoy being in the moment and having an adventurous sex life, but every now and then I'll take one if we are going to have a long weekend together. |
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Post by warmways on Oct 9, 2023 19:47:39 GMT -5
With someone kind and who is interested in you for your whole self - she will take the time needed and be understanding of what you went through.
I was also wondering how it would be after 18 sexless years and I explained to my boyfriend that had been sexless almost two decades. Initially, I only wanted the normalcy or routine of sex. He was happy;I was happy to be back in the swing of things. The more you have sex you start to want to build more experiences and I’m able to look back and remember fulfilling relationships prior to marriage and try to build up a healthy fun sexual relationship again into the future.
I used to always wonder if I’d remember how to have sex. When I saw your post I could really relate. I was always afraid I’d have no libido or be asexual after 18 years of rejection I remembered the feeling of sex prior and remembering pleasurable experiences was enough to make me want to get back into the game. A good podcast is Savage Love which probably has been posted on this site already! Best of luck!
🙏😌💯
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