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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2016 22:21:43 GMT -5
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Post by JMX on Jun 14, 2016 7:18:29 GMT -5
@helentishappy - I am with you on the marathon. Ha! Oh Lort! How I hate to run!!! Knowing no less than 5 friends that are runners and will need a knee replacement, I am left wondering - why the fuss? In middle school, I was a competitive swimmer, because of this, the track coach at school insisted I run the mile for my school. Of course I took the approach "anything I can do for anyone else" despite hating every single foot pound of my short running career. Give me a pool any day. They always say it is good for mental health, and they are mostly happy people, so... good on them, I guess. No offense to dear ones Fiery or @mountainrunner - I would love to meet all of you for a girls' weekend. Hopefully, Helen will join me at the bar while you get your daily run in! |
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Post by unmatched on Jun 14, 2016 7:26:31 GMT -5
@helentishappy - I am with you on the marathon. Ha! Oh Lort! How I hate to run!!! Knowing no less than 5 friends that are runners and will need a knee replacement, I am left wondering - why the fuss? In middle school, I was a competitive swimmer, because of this, the track coach at school insisted I run the mile for my school. Of course I took the approach "anything I can do for anyone else" despite hating every single foot pound of my short running career. Give me a pool any day. They always say it is good for mental health, and they are mostly happy people, so... good on them, I guess. No offense to dear ones Fiery or @mountainrunner - I would love to meet all of you for a girls' weekend. Hopefully, Helen will join me at the bar while you get your daily run in! It is good to know your "anything I can do for anyone else" approach has continued to give you consistent results!  |
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Post by JMX on Jun 14, 2016 7:30:21 GMT -5
unmatched - yes, this has been a particular characteristic from as long as I can remember - not even learned from my parental dynamic. It is who I am. I have worried about people and their feelings since I was very young - even at the age of four. Same personality trait is presenting in my youngest daughter. In and of itself, not a bad trait to have - but with people that do not deserve the concern, it is particularly self-destructive.
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Post by unmatched on Jun 14, 2016 7:48:49 GMT -5
unmatched - yes, this has been a particular characteristic from as long as I can remember - not even learned from my parental dynamic. It is who I am. I have worried about people and their feelings since I was very young - even at the age of four. Same personality trait is presenting in my youngest daughter. In and of itself, not a bad trait to have - but with people that do not deserve the concern, it is particularly self-destructive. Me too! I think part of it is just who I am, but I think there is also an element of hiding out and not wanting to do things which might upset people or make them think badly of me. We should both practice saying 'I want!' a lot. Maybe keep a journal and try and say it 20 times a day. |
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Post by JMX on Jun 14, 2016 7:53:11 GMT -5
unmatched - done!! We can check back in in a couple of weeks to see how it is working for us
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 14, 2016 8:08:29 GMT -5
I think the dog part is important. I have seen examples where people get divorced, and no longer have time to give a dog. Or who ended up keeping the dog. When there are children involved,and separating the kids from the dog. Having to move into an apartment and not having a yard for the dog. People who want to travel at any moment, be out on the town, or out to dinner all the time,always volunteering, who decide a dog would not get the attention it deserves.
(Speaking for myself) when the thought of divorce entered my mind I remember posting on EP " how much I would miss giving up my dog, especially going back to work full time". Looking back I have thoughts of " dog over people? That sounds like seclusion, and depression?, I really don't know! Just searching for a balance.
I'll be honest when people would show pictures of themselves with their dogs, or always holding children, it makes me a bit sceptic about how they value time with another adult. Can't put my finger on it ,but it is there. Maybe it has to do with how my wife was always, " the children, the children, and never the marriage."
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2016 8:13:43 GMT -5
It's funny but that profile didn't sound particularly unattractive to me. It has a sense of humour, says something about who you are and says you are a caring person who likes to hang out at home a lot. And you have the same weight issues as 75% of people your age. So I am curious - what do you think a much more attractive dating profile would read like? I'm assuming the most generally attractive dating profile would mention 1) sports and/or outdoorsy activities of some kind 2) include only being slender or fit (not even a BMI on the larger end of normal but on the smaller end) 3) something indicating extroversion. Definitely for a woman looking for a man. But, even before all those, you'd want to mention the fact that you love sex and require that any man you even speak to has to be willing to -- and capable of -- engaging in coital recreation on a daily basis. Limber dicked video gamers and porn addicts need not apply. Just remember that men love to fuck. The ones that don't like to think they do. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 14, 2016 8:16:26 GMT -5
unmatched - yes, this has been a particular characteristic from as long as I can remember - not even learned from my parental dynamic. It is who I am. I have worried about people and their feelings since I was very young - even at the age of four. Same personality trait is presenting in my youngest daughter. In and of itself, not a bad trait to have - but with people that do not deserve the concern, it is particularly self-destructive. Me too! I think part of it is just who I am, but I think there is also an element of hiding out and not wanting to do things which might upset people or make them think badly of me. We should both practice saying 'I want!' a lot. Maybe keep a journal and try and say it 20 times a day. Lot of personal truth in this one! Just last night I needed help with posting a resume on the computer. I so dread calling another adult, and asking them to come over. It's also so embarrassing and frustrating, my lack of computer knowledge. I put it off for days!! I hate asking for thing for myself! Maybe it's the years of rejection, and having my suggestions or ways of doing things be over-ruled. It's so much easier to call these same people and ask " let me come over and help you build that, I'll bring all my equipment! |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2016 9:15:04 GMT -5
I'm assuming the most generally attractive dating profile would mention 1) sports and/or outdoorsy activities of some kind 2) include only being slender or fit (not even a BMI on the larger end of normal but on the smaller end) 3) something indicating extroversion. Definitely for a woman looking for a man. But, even before all those, you'd want to mention the fact that you love sex and require that any man you even speak to has to be willing to -- and capable of -- engaging in coital recreation on a daily basis. Limber dicked video gamers and porn addicts need not apply. Just remember that men love to fuck. The ones that don't like to think they do. Ahhh, but then there is the creeper factor. I'm certain mentioning sex would just draw in men looking for no strings attached sex, which I am not looking for. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2016 9:51:34 GMT -5
I think the dog part is important. I have seen examples where people get divorced, and no longer have time to give a dog. Or who ended up keeping the dog. When there are children involved,and separating the kids from the dog. Having to move into an apartment and not having a yard for the dog. People who want to travel at any moment, be out on the town, or out to dinner all the time,always volunteering, who decide a dog would not get the attention it deserves. (Speaking for myself) when the thought of divorce entered my mind I remember posting on EP " how much I would miss giving up my dog, especially going back to work full time". Looking back I have thoughts of " dog over people? That sounds like seclusion, and depression?, I really don't know! Just searching for a balance. I'll be honest when people would show pictures of themselves with their dogs, or always holding children, it makes me a bit sceptic about how they value time with another adult. Can't put my finger on it ,but it is there. Maybe it has to do with how my wife was always, " the children, the children, and never the marriage." I love pictures of a man with dogs (or cats). It shows he may have a love of animals, as I do. I have been involved with retired racing greyhound adoption/rescue groups for many years. I was on the board of a local 501c3 group for a few years. In the course of my volunteer work I heard too many stories about people who returned their dogs to the group after many years. I took one of thise dogs into my home (10 years old) expecting that I would be keeping him for the rest of his life as a miniscule number of people are willing to adopt a dog so close to the end of his lifespan. [That story had a happy ending because there was a divorce and the grandmother of the kids in the divorce came to adopt the dog back.] |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 14, 2016 10:08:19 GMT -5
I think the dog part is important. I have seen examples where people get divorced, and no longer have time to give a dog. Or who ended up keeping the dog. When there are children involved,and separating the kids from the dog. Having to move into an apartment and not having a yard for the dog. People who want to travel at any moment, be out on the town, or out to dinner all the time,always volunteering, who decide a dog would not get the attention it deserves. (Speaking for myself) when the thought of divorce entered my mind I remember posting on EP " how much I would miss giving up my dog, especially going back to work full time". Looking back I have thoughts of " dog over people? That sounds like seclusion, and depression?, I really don't know! Just searching for a balance. I'll be honest when people would show pictures of themselves with their dogs, or always holding children, it makes me a bit sceptic about how they value time with another adult. Can't put my finger on it ,but it is there. Maybe it has to do with how my wife was always, " the children, the children, and never the marriage." I love pictures of a man with dogs (or cats). It shows he may have a love of animals, as I do. I have been involved with retired racing greyhound adoption/rescue groups for many years. I was on the board of a local 501c3 group for a few years. In the course of my volunteer work I heard too many stories about people who returned their dogs to the group after many years. I took one of thise dogs into my home (10 years old) expecting that I would be keeping him for the rest of his life as a miniscule number of people are willing to adopt a dog so close to the end of his lifespan. [That story had a happy ending because there was a divorce and the grandmother of the kids in the divorce came to adopt the dog back.] Had to put my Ipad down for a moment. My little 15 lb dog wants to lay across my chest! I burry my face in him and tell him how wonderful he is! pictures of people with dogs have been wonderful in my eyes for a long time. It's just that with all this talk, and actually seeing it all around me, as I get older, of the person who gives up having any social contact, and just stays at home with there pet. Well that is more like a "yellow flag" . Does that make sense? I would not want you to paint the wrong picture of yourself, when you have so much more to offer. like staying together under a blanket in the living room by the dogs with a full fire in the fireplace. Things get so hot that the blanket comes off and you both get to enjoy the look and feel of fire glow! |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2016 10:23:32 GMT -5
greatcoastal I see what you're saying :-) Thank you for the clarification. At my old house (now my ex's) we had the best fireplace and the best living room the fireplace was in for the under-the-blanket-infront-of-the-fireplace scenario. Sadly that never happened, although I fantasized about it often.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2016 11:04:12 GMT -5
Definitely for a woman looking for a man. But, even before all those, you'd want to mention the fact that you love sex and require that any man you even speak to has to be willing to -- and capable of -- engaging in coital recreation on a daily basis. Limber dicked video gamers and porn addicts need not apply. Just remember that men love to fuck. The ones that don't like to think they do. Ahhh, but then there is the creeper factor. I'm certain mentioning sex would just draw in men looking for no strings attached sex, which I am not looking for. Creeps on-line are inevitable. You definitely have to get a fair sample of sexually healthy men to choose from. I believe a woman with your acumen and experience can spot a creep from in two sentences. Trust yourself. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 14, 2016 11:13:44 GMT -5
Sun. At church one of the ladies was putting a lay around everyone's neck as they came in for the ten year anniversary. She asked me if I wanted one? I said no. ( knowing I would be bending over a lot later) she then said" the pastor said that he want everybody to get a lay!" I looked at her and said" you might want to re-Phrase that!" I then said" so the pastor wants everyone to get laid?" We had a good laugh about it, right there on the church steps. I also told her about so many ladies that come into church late by themselves. And I ask them, ( so I can show them where to sit) " are you here alone, or are you meeting someone?" That I might want to re-phrase that! We got a laugh out of that too!
The point is, if all I do is talk about my kids, my family, our homeschool my dog, I paint a picture of this really nice guy. Who has about as much drive,ambition, need for intimacy, as a feather in a wind storm! Does that women think I am some pervert? I can't say. Does she think I am some really nice guy who would be interested in sitting by the fire getting intimate with a woman. Possibly. That's been my image for 30 some years. Look what it got me? How many women give me that image, of independent, motherly, old fashioned, dull, boring, no desire for fun, or intimacy?
Yea, it's time to take the old wine and put it into a new wine skin. The old one has burst and lost it's function.
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