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Post by mirrororchid on May 31, 2023 4:17:27 GMT -5
I don't get the bit about flaked completely. Just my experience based on the 2 recent times I have been in the dating pool. Every woman (without exception) wanted exclusivity from the get go. Even at the 1st coffee meet when it was brought up they all wanted no others in the mix. Maybe it is a sign of the times or maybe it's now part of the female psyche to be possessive so early in the game. I agree around 3 dates is usually the timeframe for a woman to surrender her virtue. And following "doing the deed" exclusivity seems to be written into the relationship. I flaked completely that you had plainly said you helped with grandkids 3 or 4 times a week, and it didn't click. Flaky of me. Just to be clear, the ladies brought it up? You said "when it was brought up". How much of this exclusivity requirement has landed them an honest, strong, independent man? How much of the demand is actually a demand for sexual exclusivity, which you would agree to? (You seem to be saying you'd have that in common.) Refusing platonic exclusivity might be a shocking bit of honesty. |
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Post by worksforme2 on May 31, 2023 6:08:13 GMT -5
I flaked completely that you had plainly said you helped with grandkids 3 or 4 times a week, and it didn't click. Flaky of me. Just to be clear, the ladies brought it up? You said "when it was brought up". How much of this exclusivity requirement has landed them an honest, strong, independent man? How much of the demand is actually a demand for sexual exclusivity, which you would agree to? (You seem to be saying you'd have that in common.) Refusing platonic exclusivity might be a shocking bit of honesty. If we haven't touched on the subject of intimacy before we meet you can bet I will be bringing it up at our 1st in face meet. And I have had women initiate that subject. Many of the profiles I have been reading state in no uncertain terms that they are looking for a "one woman man". So i would expect exclusivity would come early in the game. And the last time I was on POF I had 2 dates break it off with me when they learned I was also dating another woman. And yes I would agree to sexual exclusivity. Exactly at what point is hard to say. As for a platonic exclusivity relationship, I am not interested. I have plenty of female friends. I am not looking for any more. |
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Post by mirrororchid on May 31, 2023 6:18:06 GMT -5
Just making sure I get you....
Once you are intimate, you are exclusive?
Or you can be intimate before you agree to exclusivity?
When the two bailed on you, they understood you were not intimate, they just wanted someone more desperate than you were?
(What kind of checklist do they think they are making for themselves?)
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 1, 2023 6:48:01 GMT -5
Just making sure I get you.... Once you are intimate, you are exclusive? Or you can be intimate before you agree to exclusivity? When the two bailed on you, they understood you were not intimate, they just wanted someone more desperate than you were? (What kind of checklist do they think they are making for themselves?) I can and often have been intimate with a woman before agreeing to exclusivity. I seem to be prewired toward one woman at the time. I was different in my youth but we are talking about the today me. Now I lean toward exclusivity if for no other reason that I am a fan of fairness. If 2 or more women are in my stable I would have to be OK with my female partner having a couple stallions grazing in the meadow. They didn't ask if I had been intimate with the other ladies. Just the presence was enough to torpedo the relationship. As to their checklist, I didn't inquire. A woman's rulebook is up to her. Perhaps it often explains why so many attractive women are on a dating site for an extended time period before frustration finally sets in and they cease their attempts at having a male partner in their lives. I am a big fan of communication. I rarely just take things for granted when i am dating a woman or agreeing to enter into a relationship. I want to know a lot about the other person, so I ask a lot of questions and have a lot of conversations. Two failed marriages will put one in that mindsat. |
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onempty
Junior Member
I'm almost free...
Posts: 66
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by onempty on Jun 2, 2023 8:53:44 GMT -5
Worksforme2,
We are in similar positions. The dating sites have been very, very discouraging. In my case, is not the location. It's just that I'm simply not a very good looking man. I'm bald, overweigt, and don't dress all that great. I've been working on improving myself. I've lost 30 pounds and was well on my way of meeting my goal of 50 pounds loss before I plateaued. I bought some new clothes from a website that picks them out from me and I think that's helped. With my weight loss and new clothes, I was feeling pretty good about myself but still not having any luck with women I've had interest in. I'm not all that picky. I just am not attracted to overweight women. I know how that sounds but I'd rather be single than be with somebody I'm not attracted to. Again, not looking for young supermodel.
I've tried many different dating websites. Surprisingly, the one I've had the most "success" in has been the dating app on Facebook. It's also free! I've had some interactions that have come close to a date. What I don't understand is when I have a match the woman often never respond again after that. Why bother matching with me then? And I find it partly funny, partly annoying, that so many women will say how they're attracted to intelligence more than looks but that's such bs. Women go by looks just as much as men. I can't blame them. If I had several to hundreds of choices I'd go for the ones I'm attracted to also.
I'm also thinking of paying for it. But I'm so afraid I'll get arrested that I haven't pulled the trigger yet. With that said, I've been reading up on this on forums and I've found several providers I'm interested in. They repeatedly get good reviews and seem legit. Still, I'm so afraid of law enforcement that I'm not sure I'll do this. I'm coming to the conclusion that I'll never have sex again. I'm probably 50/50 if the divorce was even a good idea. Sometimes I'm very content. Other times I'm very bored. I think if I was younger than my late 50s this would not be so hard. But it is what it is. Part of the problem is I'm not really sure what I even want. I wish I could find a FWB that we could go on trips together and enjoy each other 's company. But in the end go back to our own place. That could change down the road. But right now there is a lot of single thing, a lot of things I like about being single.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 2, 2023 9:56:13 GMT -5
onempty,...things really change once you pass the 60 mark. Looking at bio's on 1 escort site, one lady had certain physical limitations for a potential client. No one over 250 pounds and no one over age 60. I'm 74.
I have told this story a # of times because I think it is relevant to men. On my dorm floor in college there was a guy in pre-med. I am being kind when I say as to looks he was challenged. And he was pretty thin so clearly not the most appealing apple on the tree. But at dances, ball games etc. he always had a fine lady on his arm. So I ask him his secret. He replied " when it comes to women, it's not your physique that counts, it's your technique". I have learned over the decades he was right.
You are on the right track I think in losing weight, and updating your wardrobe. Improve those things that you can, like having several of the current popular cologns. Find some interesting conversation starters. In our age demographic the % of women who are still interested in intimacy is pretty low. Menopause usually knocks that off their priority list. Most seem to be more interested in riding around on an empty ocean on a really big boat. But there are still some who are. We just have to find them.
Dating sites may well be the last place we should be looking. So many women there really are not interested in intimacy .They just want valadation they are still attractive. Message them and it's unlikely you will get a reply.
I am going to do more hunting in places that women frequent. The grocery store was always a fertile and target rich environment for me. I am also going to begin going to a local winery that has free entertainment (mostly music) on Thursday in the early evening.
I am also doing some physical improvement things. I am lifting weights again. I am also looking after my home a little better.
It'e important to not give up and don't berate yourself if you are not amoung the top 10% in the looks department. Most of the women in our age demographic will have flaws that they worry about.
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onempty
Junior Member
I'm almost free...
Posts: 66
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by onempty on Jun 5, 2023 7:01:57 GMT -5
Thing is, if I start dating again and she has no sex drive then I’m not interested. I had a pretty good wife minus the fact she never wanted sex and spent all our money on herself. Not being broke and doing whatever I want has been pretty nice, it’s just boring.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 14, 2023 7:16:24 GMT -5
Thing is, if I start dating again and she has no sex drive then I’m not interested. I had a pretty good wife minus the fact she never wanted sex and spent all our money on herself. Not being broke and doing whatever I want has been pretty nice, it’s just boring. I finally found a site where there are is a fairly large community of females in my age demoghaphic and who actually live reasonably close to me. It's Our Time. So far several ladies have reached out to me and I have initiated several conversations. A couple look to be promising. One lady i am talking with (1st conversation) was also in a SM. When the conversation turned to sex she was very forthcoming on what she likes. She emphasised there are alot of things partners can do with each other. So this looks pretty promising. I have high hopes for a couple of the other ladies as well. Time will tell. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 15, 2023 4:30:07 GMT -5
Thing is, if I start dating again and she has no sex drive then I’m not interested. I had a pretty good wife minus the fact she never wanted sex and spent all our money on herself. Not being broke and doing whatever I want has been pretty nice, it’s just boring. Good to hear you're finding some of the post-SM positive. You were in a dark place for quite a while. What's the boring part? Just the lack of companionship? (for now. You got this.) |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 15, 2023 6:39:09 GMT -5
Thing is, if I start dating again and she has no sex drive then I’m not interested. I had a pretty good wife minus the fact she never wanted sex and spent all our money on herself. Not being broke and doing whatever I want has been pretty nice, it’s just boring. Good to hear you're finding some of the post-SM positive. You were in a dark place for quite a while. What's the boring part? Just the lack of companionship? (for now. You got this.) Did I say or imply boring?. Never ment to do that. What it is is frustrating. I knew there have to be ladies in my age demographic who still want intimacy and sex. I just have to find out where they are. Right now Our Time is looking pretty positive. A lot of ladies in my age demographic and many are close. Talking to 1 woman(was in a SM)last night. See was telling me she likes kinky stuff, although she didn't say what specifically, The subject was role playing. She says she has a lot of outfits just for that. I get the feeling talking to her she can't want to get in my bed. We also touched on oral and anal so she also enjoys those. Yep,...Our Time may be the elixer I have been looking for. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 17, 2023 16:32:35 GMT -5
Thing is, if I start dating again and she has no sex drive then I’m not interested. I had a pretty good wife minus the fact she never wanted sex and spent all our money on herself. Not being broke and doing whatever I want has been pretty nice, it’s just boring. I finally found a site where there are is a fairly large community of females in my age demoghaphic and who actually live reasonably close to me. It's Our Time. So far several ladies have reached out to me and I have initiated several conversations. A couple look to be promising. One lady i am talking with (1st conversation) was also in a SM. When the conversation turned to sex she was very forthcoming on what she likes. She emphasised there are alot of things partners can do with each other. So this looks pretty promising. I have high hopes for a couple of the other ladies as well. Time will tell. UPDATE: Had a coffee/breakfast meet with the 1st woman I met on Our Time. In her picture she was pleasantly plump. She said she had lost weight. But she clearly was heavier than when the pictures were made. So she is pretty heavy now. We had a good conversation and breakfast but unless/until she sheds a bunch of weight I will not be persueing her. So the trials and trivulations of life in the dating pool continue. |
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onempty
Junior Member
I'm almost free...
Posts: 66
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by onempty on Jul 23, 2023 10:43:56 GMT -5
Good to hear you're finding some of the post-SM positive. You were in a dark place for quite a while. What's the boring part? Just the lack of companionship? (for now. You got this.) Thx Mirrororchid. I have been very up and down. Lately, very down. It's definately lack of companionship. It's pretty discouraging to find that online I am pretty much "undatable". I'm shy at first and it's never been easy for me to meet women. In the past all my girlfriends were met at work. My age, and my job don't give me those opportunities anymore and could even be considered not professional now. I need to find someone outside of work. Between my all time low self esteem, stress with my grown children at the moment, and serious lack of motivation, I'm in a bad cycle that I'm finding hard to break. I still don't regret the divorce though. Not only do I not love my ex, I don't even like her. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Jul 24, 2023 11:11:43 GMT -5
Sorry, to hear about the difficulty online but glad you're not regretting moving on.
Any social groups? Ones not specifically geared toward dating?
As for the dating:
=====================
... still not having any luck with women I've had interest in. I'm not all that picky. I just am not attracted to overweight women. I know how that sounds but I'd rather be single than be with somebody I'm not attracted to.
So weight is a dealbreaker, what sacrifices are you up for? Single mom? Jacked up nose? I kind of run out of ideas as to what other niches you might find. SO many guys avoid heavy ladies. Truth to tell, you might struggle landing a heavy woman with a good face. Some guys even prefer some extra curves, that's not just wishful thinking by the ladies.
...when I have a match the woman often never respond again after that. Why bother matching with me then? And I find it partly funny, partly annoying, that so many women will say how they're attracted to intelligence more than looks but that's such bs. Women go by looks just as much as men. I can't blame them. If I had several to hundreds of choices I'd go for the ones I'm attracted to also.
It's possible to get very presentable gents with a fair degree of intellect. They don't see the need to choose if they find both. And they do. But then they get al sore when he doesn't choose her. And she move son to the next, thinking they are in her league. Just bounce from one prince to the next until steady companionship grows in its appeal and pragmatism seeps in.
As for matching...it strikes me it could be useful to gauge which guys have dance cards so full they won't even swipe right for her. Problem is, she thinks the 7 that swiped right is in her league, when he was swiping everyone and gets 7s swiping on him, but she is a backup 5 he has on file. She gets 7s swiping her why would she bother swiping right on a 6 who might actually be a good long term prospect when she's convinced 7s are interested? Who you can get and who you can keep can be different things.
... I'm coming to the conclusion that I'll never have sex again. I'm probably 50/50 if the divorce was even a good idea. Sometimes I'm very content.
And sleeping with a heavy woman who think's you're awesome is still no temptation? Hmmm...
Maybe it says something about me that I think I'd keep lowering my standards until I found my level.
No pride, I guess.
Maybe it's a bit different for me. I dated one hottie, Was engaged to another, then married my wife 100 pounds over ideal and still like her a lot.
If you've had "the prize" and it went south, you look elsewhere for gold.
Other times I'm very bored. I think if I was younger than my late 50s this would not be so hard. But it is what it is. Part of the problem is I'm not really sure what I even want. I wish I could find a FWB that we could go on trips together and enjoy each other 's company. But in the end go back to our own place...
Grrrr. Read some of the profiles, then pick out a fat chick who says something funny, insightful, or unexpected. Swipe right. Get a date in.
Repeat until you can't help but overlook the extra pounds because she's just too much fun.
If you just can't click with a fat woman, you've had some fun dates and what've you lost? Consider the heavy women "practice" for the girl of your dreams. You might accidentally find her before you expect to.
How'd this here soap box get under my feet?
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 4, 2024 10:14:20 GMT -5
I spent a good portion of the weekend viewing photos of women at POF. Total waste of my time. I must have viewed a thousand pictures of women. Turns out only one or 2 were in my age demographic and none lived within 40 miles of me. For me at least, dating sites aren't likely to be my solution in my search for a partner.
Between POF and OurTime I guess I have viewed 2-3000 women. Less than 10 in my age demographic lived anywhere near me. Sooooo.....
I am back to considering finding a good and reasonable "pro" to take care of me. Once again I am going to start looking through the escorts sites. My 1st question to myself is just how young should be my stopping point? Most of the ladies are between 25 and 35 .Once pricing has been evaluated where should I attune my thoughts? Any advice about my choosing approach anyone?
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 4, 2024 16:35:50 GMT -5
I spent a good portion of the weekend viewing photos of women at POF. Total waste of my time. I must have viewed a thousand pictures of women. Turns out only one or 2 were in my age demographic and none lived within 40 miles of me. For me at least, dating sites aren't likely to be my solution in my search for a partner. Between POF and OurTime I guess I have viewed 2-3000 women. Less than 10 in my age demographic lived anywhere near me. Sooooo..... I am back to considering finding a good and reasonable "pro" to take care of me. Once again I am going to start looking through the escorts sites. My 1st question to myself is just how young should be my stopping point? Most of the ladies are between 25 and 35 .Once pricing has been evaluated where should I attune my thoughts? Any advice about my choosing approach anyone? umm.... won't you run into the same problem/ Demographics? No one "pro" lives anywhere near you, despite age? You need to be down here in retirement-villa Florida!! ( The villages) I run into the opposite when I go dancing, can't find women who want to,or know how to dance in their 50's, the current dance crowd seems to be late 60's to 70's! Another town an hour from me, is Vero beach. I remember my days on Match,and now when I get invited to go to the dances down there the age range is heavy in the late 60's -70's and the odds are 2-1 women to men! I'm helping/taking care of an elderly neighbor (who is between finding a house) he's 78 yrs.old, broke, homeless, his woman of 30 yrs passed away, there's a woman who's 80 yrs, old that he met at the VFW. She calls him constantly! love bombs him like crazy!! Cooks for him, want his attention 24/7! is loaded rich! Big house on the river... etc.... and he's ready to dump her! Lol! why?? He says " She's too clingy! She want's me 24/7! I won't have any alone time!!" Go figure!! Life's fun ain't it?!! |
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