Who's Who and Where?

Northstarmom: Escaped after being married 34 years, the last 8 of which were completely sexless. Now have been 10 years with a wonderful partner who loves sex and loves me the way I want to be loved. I didn't find the precurser to ILIASM until a week after my divorce. 

Um, married 23 years, 20 of them sexless. The relationship is very affectionately platonic. Not going to repeat the entirely history. 14 years ago I called her on the passive aggressive hell my life had become, and she mended her ways. Definitely did. When your significant other comes in the door after a day away and their face lights up when they see you, it's clear that there is some "I want you" involved. Oh, and, we are in Whangarei, New Zealand.

I am so sorry things have reached this point for you. When I reached that point a few years ago and mentally began thinking of my wife as a roommate and nothing more it made things a bit easier when I removed the stress of thinking things could be fixed and a sexual relationship restored.

Sleeping separately was also a good thing. Without the sex I would never want to share a bed with her again.

I won't cheat on her nor leave so sadly about the only option that leaves (and it is a whole lot less gratifying than a mate) is porn ans seeing to your own needs. That is what this situation can leave you reduced to in a worst case scenario.

That said, if/ when you have finally found yourself reduced to this removing the mental torment of thinking of your roommate as a wife might give you a little peace, at least that was how it worked for me. YMMV