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Post by tamara68 on Nov 3, 2023 8:18:27 GMT -5
I am Dutch, living in Belgium. In 2016 escaped a nearly 30-year marriage- Half that time without sex. Ex lives with my daughter who is brainwashed by him to not have contact with me. I live together with my new partner.
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miestas
Junior Member
Posts: 73 
Age Range: 61-65
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Post by miestas on Nov 7, 2023 14:58:37 GMT -5
I am in Alabama, USA
Married 32 years. Basically sexless for 16 years. Wife has sex every few months to make me happy, but doesn’t enjoy it.
Wife and I have had each other’s backs through very tough times, and we are best friends so I would have a lot of guilt if I left because of FOMO.
And yet I flip flop.
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Post by sweetplumeria on Nov 9, 2023 3:22:43 GMT -5
Married 30 years, July 2023.
Mood: Fluctuates often between depression, anger, and fear.
Summary:
My marriage became sexless pretty early on but I just didn't recognize the red flags when they happened. I would reach out to touch my husband with affection and he would bat my hand away saying I always wanted sex, that's the red flag I should have listened to. I began Outsourcing in 2010 and have successfully done so to this day. I have learned a lot about myself in that time. At first I thought I only needed sex and if I got that taken care of everything else would be fine. At that point I was still raising kids. My youngest child will finish college approximately September of 2024. At that time I am contemplating life changes, however my husband is 78 and so everyone in my life thinks I should wait it out (to further complicate we have a 30 year age gap). I have seen two different lawyers over the years as Baza suggests but I have not been given very good information and thus my Outlook does not look very good for divorce. One lawyer said I sounded like I want to be married, I wasn't up for explaining I wanted sex. During my Outsourcing Adventures I have received at least three marriage proposals and it kind of makes me laugh because I just really don't know what to think about a man who proposes to a woman who's already married. That being said my current partner of 5 years would like us to marry. I am scared to death to change my life. I don't have a career to fall back on and the risk is high.
West Coast USA
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Post by justadude on Nov 10, 2023 9:40:07 GMT -5
Choosinghappy (formerly lonelywifey) escaped and is in a long distance, long term relationship with tirefire.
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Missingout
Junior Member
Posts: 52
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Nov 13, 2023 17:33:10 GMT -5
Married 30 years, July 2023. Mood: Fluctuates often between depression, anger, and fear. Summary: My marriage became sexless pretty early on but I just didn't recognize the red flags when they happened. I would reach out to touch my husband with affection and he would bat my hand away saying I always wanted sex, that's the red flag I should have listened to. I began Outsourcing in 2010 and have successfully done so to this day. I have learned a lot about myself in that time. At first I thought I only needed sex and if I got that taken care of everything else would be fine. At that point I was still raising kids. My youngest child will finish college approximately September of 2024. At that time I am contemplating life changes, however my husband is 78 and so everyone in my life thinks I should wait it out (to further complicate we have a 30 year age gap). I have seen two different lawyers over the years as Baza suggests but I have not been given very good information and thus my Outlook does not look very good for divorce. One lawyer said I sounded like I want to be married, I wasn't up for explaining I wanted sex. During my Outsourcing Adventures I have received at least three marriage proposals and it kind of makes me laugh because I just really don't know what to think about a man who proposes to a woman who's already married. That being said my current partner of 5 years would like us to marry. I am scared to death to change my life. I don't have a career to fall back on and the risk is high. West Coast USA Wow 4 proposed to you!!! Well I say jump in and enjoy the water. Sounds like you have the pick of the litter. Pick the rich one.😉 |
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Post by shamwow on Nov 14, 2023 8:07:06 GMT -5
You'll need to update both my status and ballofconfusionWe are engaged. Got a ring and everything 😉 |
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Post by sweetplumeria on Nov 14, 2023 10:13:19 GMT -5
You'll need to update both my status and ballofconfusionWe are engaged. Got a ring and everything 😉 🎊 Congratulations 🥳 |
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Post by Same old, same old on Nov 14, 2023 21:52:02 GMT -5
I am in Alabama, USA Married 32 years. Basically sexless for 16 years. Wife has sex every few months to make me happy, but doesn’t enjoy it. Wife and I have had each other’s backs through very tough times, and we are best friends so I would have a lot of guilt if I left because of FOMO. And yet I flip flop. It's tough ... I love my husband very much and he is so good in so many ways, but he is controlling and there is no intimacy, touch, sex, or anything beyond a peck on the lips to say goodnight. I feel bad to have my online friend but I also need to feel wanted and desirable and my H just doesn't show me any of that. Instead of crying myself to sleep for many years, I now go to sleep with excited thoughts of when I get to be a little naughty with my online friend again. |
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miestas
Junior Member
Posts: 73
Age Range: 61-65
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Post by miestas on Nov 15, 2023 0:55:05 GMT -5
[/quote]
It's tough ... I love my husband very much and he is so good in so many ways, but he is controlling and there is no intimacy, touch, sex, or anything beyond a peck on the lips to say goodnight. I feel bad to have my online friend but I also need to feel wanted and desirable and my H just doesn't show me any of that. Instead of crying myself to sleep for many years, I now go to sleep with excited thoughts of when I get to be a little naughty with my online friend again. [/quote]
I had an online friend a few years ago. She was the best friend I have ever had. She made me feel very desired and desirable. I helped her through a nasty divorce from her pedophile husband, and suddenly she was not only desirable, but available. I told my wife I was leaving, and actually had the car packed and was getting in the driver’s seat. My wife went hysterical and begged me not to go. I relented, and soon after that some stuff happened that changed our lives. Things that our family and me personally would literally have not survived without her. I made my decision to stay at that time, because finding someone who will have your back through that kind of catastrophe only happens once in a lifetime. My friend, the best friend I have ever had, and who I loved so very much, decided to move on. I can’t blame her. When we were both married, living in shitty marriages, it made sense to be there for each other. Now she had a chance to move on with someone else who was also available, and she took it. Last I heard, she was living in Spain with that SOB. (But I’m not bitter about that douchebag taking her away at all). We don’t communicate at all anymore, and I miss her every day. I can only hope she is happy, because that is what I truly want for her.
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Post by Same old, same old on Nov 15, 2023 17:57:00 GMT -5
It's tough ... I love my husband very much and he is so good in so many ways, but he is controlling and there is no intimacy, touch, sex, or anything beyond a peck on the lips to say goodnight. I feel bad to have my online friend but I also need to feel wanted and desirable and my H just doesn't show me any of that. Instead of crying myself to sleep for many years, I now go to sleep with excited thoughts of when I get to be a little naughty with my online friend again. [/quote] I had an online friend a few years ago. She was the best friend I have ever had. She made me feel very desired and desirable. I helped her through a nasty divorce from her pedophile husband, and suddenly she was not only desirable, but available. I told my wife I was leaving, and actually had the car packed and was getting in the driver’s seat. My wife went hysterical and begged me not to go. I relented, and soon after that some stuff happened that changed our lives. Things that our family and me personally would literally have not survived without her. I made my decision to stay at that time, because finding someone who will have your back through that kind of catastrophe only happens once in a lifetime. My friend, the best friend I have ever had, and who I loved so very much, decided to move on. I can’t blame her. When we were both married, living in shitty marriages, it made sense to be there for each other. Now she had a chance to move on with someone else who was also available, and she took it. Last I heard, she was living in Spain with that SOB. (But I’m not bitter about that douchebag taking her away at all). We don’t communicate at all anymore, and I miss her every day. I can only hope she is happy, because that is what I truly want for her.[/quote] The staying with your W ... how is that working out for you? You're here. Do you regret not starting up the car and driving off? |
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miestas
Junior Member
Posts: 73
Age Range: 61-65
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Post by miestas on Nov 15, 2023 18:29:29 GMT -5
Same old, same old : Inasmuch as I would be dead from received injuries and subsequent peritonitis and complete ileus without my wife’s help, and one of my children would be dead without her help also, I cannot regret sticking around. 😉
And yet, I certainly think about what-if every day. I confess I’m probably still in love with the one that got away.
I’m still on the forum because I’m still technically in a sexless marriage (<10 per year). But I know my wife loves me, and that goes a long way toward making it tolerable. I kind of consider it like someone with a mental disease. It’s not malicious. We don’t use the problem to manipulate each other. Since my near death experience, we have lots of physical closeness, hugging kissing, flirting. Just not a lot of sex.
Doesn’t keep me from feeling frustrated and wanting a really good night of serious sex, though 🙂
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Post by Same old, same old on Nov 15, 2023 19:27:01 GMT -5
Same old, same old : Inasmuch as I would be dead from received injuries and subsequent peritonitis and complete ileus without my wife’s help, and one of my children would be dead without her help also, I cannot regret sticking around. 😉 And yet, I certainly think about what-if every day. I confess I’m probably still in love with the one that got away. I’m still on the forum because I’m still technically in a sexless marriage (<10 per year). But I know my wife loves me, and that goes a long way toward making it tolerable. I kind of consider it like someone with a mental disease. It’s not malicious. We don’t use the problem to manipulate each other. Since my near death experience, we have lots of physical closeness, hugging kissing, flirting. Just not a lot of sex. Doesn’t keep me from feeling frustrated and wanting a really good night of serious sex, though 🙂 I totally get it. I feel we have similar situations as far as near death experiences and loving our spouses. My H had an ileostomy in April for stage 2 colon cancer ... he was lucky and got his reversed in August. Makes you think about how life is short and unpredictable. |
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