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Post by tamara68 on Nov 3, 2023 8:18:27 GMT -5
I am Dutch, living in Belgium. In 2016 escaped a nearly 30-year marriage- Half that time without sex. Ex lives with my daughter who is brainwashed by him to not have contact with me. I live together with my new partner.
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miestas
Junior Member
Posts: 74 
Age Range: 61-65
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Post by miestas on Nov 7, 2023 14:58:37 GMT -5
I am in Alabama, USA
Married 32 years. Basically sexless for 16 years. Wife has sex every few months to make me happy, but doesn’t enjoy it.
Wife and I have had each other’s backs through very tough times, and we are best friends so I would have a lot of guilt if I left because of FOMO.
And yet I flip flop.
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Post by sweetplumeria on Nov 9, 2023 3:22:43 GMT -5
Married 30 years, July 2023.
Mood: Fluctuates often between depression, anger, and fear.
Summary:
My marriage became sexless pretty early on but I just didn't recognize the red flags when they happened. I would reach out to touch my husband with affection and he would bat my hand away saying I always wanted sex, that's the red flag I should have listened to. I began Outsourcing in 2010 and have successfully done so to this day. I have learned a lot about myself in that time. At first I thought I only needed sex and if I got that taken care of everything else would be fine. At that point I was still raising kids. My youngest child will finish college approximately September of 2024. At that time I am contemplating life changes, however my husband is 78 and so everyone in my life thinks I should wait it out (to further complicate we have a 30 year age gap). I have seen two different lawyers over the years as Baza suggests but I have not been given very good information and thus my Outlook does not look very good for divorce. One lawyer said I sounded like I want to be married, I wasn't up for explaining I wanted sex. During my Outsourcing Adventures I have received at least three marriage proposals and it kind of makes me laugh because I just really don't know what to think about a man who proposes to a woman who's already married. That being said my current partner of 5 years would like us to marry. I am scared to death to change my life. I don't have a career to fall back on and the risk is high.
West Coast USA
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Post by justadude on Nov 10, 2023 9:40:07 GMT -5
Choosinghappy (formerly lonelywifey) escaped and is in a long distance, long term relationship with tirefire.
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Nov 13, 2023 17:33:10 GMT -5
Married 30 years, July 2023. Mood: Fluctuates often between depression, anger, and fear. Summary: My marriage became sexless pretty early on but I just didn't recognize the red flags when they happened. I would reach out to touch my husband with affection and he would bat my hand away saying I always wanted sex, that's the red flag I should have listened to. I began Outsourcing in 2010 and have successfully done so to this day. I have learned a lot about myself in that time. At first I thought I only needed sex and if I got that taken care of everything else would be fine. At that point I was still raising kids. My youngest child will finish college approximately September of 2024. At that time I am contemplating life changes, however my husband is 78 and so everyone in my life thinks I should wait it out (to further complicate we have a 30 year age gap). I have seen two different lawyers over the years as Baza suggests but I have not been given very good information and thus my Outlook does not look very good for divorce. One lawyer said I sounded like I want to be married, I wasn't up for explaining I wanted sex. During my Outsourcing Adventures I have received at least three marriage proposals and it kind of makes me laugh because I just really don't know what to think about a man who proposes to a woman who's already married. That being said my current partner of 5 years would like us to marry. I am scared to death to change my life. I don't have a career to fall back on and the risk is high. West Coast USA Wow 4 proposed to you!!! Well I say jump in and enjoy the water. Sounds like you have the pick of the litter. Pick the rich one.😉 |
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Post by shamwow on Nov 14, 2023 8:07:06 GMT -5
You'll need to update both my status and ballofconfusionWe are engaged. Got a ring and everything 😉 |
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Post by sweetplumeria on Nov 14, 2023 10:13:19 GMT -5
You'll need to update both my status and ballofconfusionWe are engaged. Got a ring and everything 😉 🎊 Congratulations 🥳 |
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Post by Same old, same old on Nov 14, 2023 21:52:02 GMT -5
I am in Alabama, USA Married 32 years. Basically sexless for 16 years. Wife has sex every few months to make me happy, but doesn’t enjoy it. Wife and I have had each other’s backs through very tough times, and we are best friends so I would have a lot of guilt if I left because of FOMO. And yet I flip flop. It's tough ... I love my husband very much and he is so good in so many ways, but he is controlling and there is no intimacy, touch, sex, or anything beyond a peck on the lips to say goodnight. I feel bad to have my online friend but I also need to feel wanted and desirable and my H just doesn't show me any of that. Instead of crying myself to sleep for many years, I now go to sleep with excited thoughts of when I get to be a little naughty with my online friend again. |
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miestas
Junior Member
Posts: 74
Age Range: 61-65
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Post by miestas on Nov 15, 2023 0:55:05 GMT -5
[/quote]
It's tough ... I love my husband very much and he is so good in so many ways, but he is controlling and there is no intimacy, touch, sex, or anything beyond a peck on the lips to say goodnight. I feel bad to have my online friend but I also need to feel wanted and desirable and my H just doesn't show me any of that. Instead of crying myself to sleep for many years, I now go to sleep with excited thoughts of when I get to be a little naughty with my online friend again. [/quote]
I had an online friend a few years ago. She was the best friend I have ever had. She made me feel very desired and desirable. I helped her through a nasty divorce from her pedophile husband, and suddenly she was not only desirable, but available. I told my wife I was leaving, and actually had the car packed and was getting in the driver’s seat. My wife went hysterical and begged me not to go. I relented, and soon after that some stuff happened that changed our lives. Things that our family and me personally would literally have not survived without her. I made my decision to stay at that time, because finding someone who will have your back through that kind of catastrophe only happens once in a lifetime. My friend, the best friend I have ever had, and who I loved so very much, decided to move on. I can’t blame her. When we were both married, living in shitty marriages, it made sense to be there for each other. Now she had a chance to move on with someone else who was also available, and she took it. Last I heard, she was living in Spain with that SOB. (But I’m not bitter about that douchebag taking her away at all). We don’t communicate at all anymore, and I miss her every day. I can only hope she is happy, because that is what I truly want for her.
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Post by Same old, same old on Nov 15, 2023 17:57:00 GMT -5
It's tough ... I love my husband very much and he is so good in so many ways, but he is controlling and there is no intimacy, touch, sex, or anything beyond a peck on the lips to say goodnight. I feel bad to have my online friend but I also need to feel wanted and desirable and my H just doesn't show me any of that. Instead of crying myself to sleep for many years, I now go to sleep with excited thoughts of when I get to be a little naughty with my online friend again. [/quote] I had an online friend a few years ago. She was the best friend I have ever had. She made me feel very desired and desirable. I helped her through a nasty divorce from her pedophile husband, and suddenly she was not only desirable, but available. I told my wife I was leaving, and actually had the car packed and was getting in the driver’s seat. My wife went hysterical and begged me not to go. I relented, and soon after that some stuff happened that changed our lives. Things that our family and me personally would literally have not survived without her. I made my decision to stay at that time, because finding someone who will have your back through that kind of catastrophe only happens once in a lifetime. My friend, the best friend I have ever had, and who I loved so very much, decided to move on. I can’t blame her. When we were both married, living in shitty marriages, it made sense to be there for each other. Now she had a chance to move on with someone else who was also available, and she took it. Last I heard, she was living in Spain with that SOB. (But I’m not bitter about that douchebag taking her away at all). We don’t communicate at all anymore, and I miss her every day. I can only hope she is happy, because that is what I truly want for her.[/quote] The staying with your W ... how is that working out for you? You're here. Do you regret not starting up the car and driving off? |
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miestas
Junior Member
Posts: 74
Age Range: 61-65
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Post by miestas on Nov 15, 2023 18:29:29 GMT -5
Same old, same old : Inasmuch as I would be dead from received injuries and subsequent peritonitis and complete ileus without my wife’s help, and one of my children would be dead without her help also, I cannot regret sticking around. 😉
And yet, I certainly think about what-if every day. I confess I’m probably still in love with the one that got away.
I’m still on the forum because I’m still technically in a sexless marriage (<10 per year). But I know my wife loves me, and that goes a long way toward making it tolerable. I kind of consider it like someone with a mental disease. It’s not malicious. We don’t use the problem to manipulate each other. Since my near death experience, we have lots of physical closeness, hugging kissing, flirting. Just not a lot of sex.
Doesn’t keep me from feeling frustrated and wanting a really good night of serious sex, though 🙂
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Post by Same old, same old on Nov 15, 2023 19:27:01 GMT -5
Same old, same old : Inasmuch as I would be dead from received injuries and subsequent peritonitis and complete ileus without my wife’s help, and one of my children would be dead without her help also, I cannot regret sticking around. 😉 And yet, I certainly think about what-if every day. I confess I’m probably still in love with the one that got away. I’m still on the forum because I’m still technically in a sexless marriage (<10 per year). But I know my wife loves me, and that goes a long way toward making it tolerable. I kind of consider it like someone with a mental disease. It’s not malicious. We don’t use the problem to manipulate each other. Since my near death experience, we have lots of physical closeness, hugging kissing, flirting. Just not a lot of sex. Doesn’t keep me from feeling frustrated and wanting a really good night of serious sex, though 🙂 I totally get it. I feel we have similar situations as far as near death experiences and loving our spouses. My H had an ileostomy in April for stage 2 colon cancer ... he was lucky and got his reversed in August. Makes you think about how life is short and unpredictable. |
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Dec 23, 2023 23:18:22 GMT -5
You'll need to update both my status and ballofconfusionWe are engaged. Got a ring and everything 😉 Congratulations!!!! Just got done reading all your threads. Thank you so much for sharing your journey here with us. I hope you know how much it means to everyone here. Have a merry Xmas and new year’s.. I have 2 daughters one is 19 and 14. Gonna try your plan and hope it comes close to how you ended up. Best wishes to you and your blended family.. |
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Post by lonelyhubby on Dec 24, 2023 9:28:46 GMT -5
Member Marital Status - Married 21 years (together 22)
SM Status - declining around year 5-6, (total SM for almost 7 years)
Disposition/Mood - Worn down, losing hope even though some discussion and progress has been made
Summary - Wife is on Prozac for migraine (not depression) - for 15 years (coincidence, I think not). Also heavy in pre-menopause for 6-7 years (I theorize that the Prozac declined our frequency and the perimenopause coupled with the Prozac and general burn out killed her sex drive and all sexual connection within herself (we have discussed at length). Although we have discussed in depth about the issues and lack of libido and zero intimate touching, kissing, etc.. She promises to try and do better, will not consider HRT or bioidentical HRT because she is already on too many meds and has daily medicine fatigue (cholesterol, prediabetes with the perimenopause weight gain, SSRI's for migraine abatement, etc..
Location - Central Indiana, USA
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Post by Same old, same old on Dec 24, 2023 10:40:56 GMT -5
Married 35 years, SM 15+ years (except for 1 pity f&%k 3 years ago), and still unhappy but choosing to stay. Have one amazing daughter and two wonderful grandchildren. Happy Christmas Eve 🎄 to you all!
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