|
|
Post by dallasgia on Feb 14, 2024 10:57:38 GMT -5
|
|
Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 245
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by Missingout on Feb 14, 2024 11:43:31 GMT -5
It's a hard day for sure knowing that your significant other just doesn't see you as a romantic partner and yet they go through the motions. Valentines day and anniversaries just drive it home harder. My wife got me a card today that says: "there isn't a thing I'd change about what we have together." Yep, that about sums it up, nothing is going to change unless I make the change. Rhetorical question but why does a refuser stay and lead on a partner that they don't actually have romantic feelings for? My theory is they like the status quo and don't want to change it. In my relationship I make the majority of our household income and if we split I don't think she could live on her own comfortably. She goes through the motions knowing that if we split it would be devastating to both of us and the kids. And to keep the devastation from happening they choose not to give up a half hour for sex. Probably 3 minutes for me since I'm out of practice.😝 I do most of the grocery shopping and cooking on top of paying all the bills. That alone should get me laid relaid and parlaid some where out there I'm hoping. I will find out🤔 |
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Feb 14, 2024 15:24:21 GMT -5
Taking charge of my after divorce from a SM days, I noticed the Hibiscus bushes on the fence are blooming huge, gorgeous , fire engine red flowers today!!
I took several pics and texted them to many, many, of my female DPO (Dance Partner Only Friends) Saying "Sending you flowers on Valentines day!"
I got a 100% return on my small time investment! text back : That's so sweet! Thank you for thinking of me today! That's so nice of you!
So.. stuck in your SM!? Send a thoughtful little Text to an old friend, family member, neighbor, secret lover, etc.... give and receive back! It's the thought ( and time) that counts!
|
|
m76
Full Member
Posts: 421
|
Post by m76 on Feb 14, 2024 15:27:32 GMT -5
Taking charge of my after divorce from a SM days, I noticed the Hibiscus bushes on the fence are blooming huge, gorgeous , fire engine red flowers today!! I took several pics and texted them to many, many, of my female DPO (Dance Partner Friends) Saying "Sending you flowers on Valentines day!" I got a 100% return on my small time investment! text back : That's so sweet! Thank you for thinking of me today! That's so nice of you! So.. stuck in your SM!? Send a thoughtful little Text to an old friend, family member, neighbor, secret lover, etc.... give and receive back! It's the thought ( and time) that counts! What if my crush knows I'm still married? |
|
|
|
Post by tamara68 on Feb 14, 2024 16:51:24 GMT -5
Been meaning to start a thread about creating our own line of greeting cards. Thank you for reviving this one. When we get a critical mass we can place an order. Maybe half a dozen cards for birthday, anniversary, Valentines to provide two years worth of cards in a single blow. Moo may be a good choice: www.moo.com/us/greeting-cards?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4Iq68aKohAMVHHNHAR3mhAp8EAAYASAAEgLdoPD_BwEWe can categorize based on level of engagement or detachment, how much hope there is, funny or sentimental, or a dash of romantic. We need our own card store. Let's make one. What could we say in greeting cards that's sincere and nice? Even if we split, nourishing good terms is wise. Avoid: Lucky, Perfect Promising: Mother/Father, Dedicated/Devoted (in their limited way), Steady/Solid, Smart, Funny, Handsome/Beautiful, History/Past together Nuance: Loving A few cards I found or fodder for cards were posted on the Valentines guide but would apply to birthday and anniversary cards too. iliasm.org/thread/5848/iliasm-survivalist-guide-valentines-daytamara68 tamara68 might be able to apply some artistic touches, if she can spare the time. Suggestions for illustrations can be made, combining text with preferred graphics in a mix and match. Two years of not having to rifle the card stock and potentially saving $30-50 bucks in the deal? How can we not do this? I'd love to help. This would take quite some time though. Good to think this through. |
|
|
|
Post by mirrororchid on Feb 14, 2024 20:51:53 GMT -5
It's a hard day for sure knowing that your significant other just doesn't see you as a romantic partner and yet they go through the motions. Valentines day and anniversaries just drive it home harder. My wife got me a card today that says: "there isn't a thing I'd change about what we have together." Yep, that about sums it up, nothing is going to change unless I make the change. Rhetorical question but why does a refuser stay and lead on a partner that they don't actually have romantic feelings for? Gotta suggest a different choice of words. Asexuals can find the other four love languages to be a potent combination to demonstrate romantic feelings. This can include people asexual with everyone and, as Apocrypha points out at times, asexual with specific people, sometimes their spouse. Such people may think Valentine's Day can be celebrated just as well without sexual or sensual touch. They may find such altruistic, generous gestures as superior. Perhaps they have a point? www.uiargonaut.com/2013/02/07/from-your-valentine-the-dark-history-of-valentines-day/While in prison awaiting his execution, Valentine’s jailer, Asterius, brought his blind daughter to the priest, and Valentine restored her sight through his strong faith. Valentine and Asterius’ daughter became close friends during his imprisonment, and she became greatly distressed over his upcoming execution.
It is said that before Valentine was executed, he wrote a farewell letter to the jailer’s daughter and signed it “from your Valentine.” Historians recognize the relationship between the priest and Asterius’ daughter as one of “agape” love, or Christian love, not of “eros” love, or passionate love.Refused spouses commonly disagree with this exclusion of the fifth love language, but this differing mindset is most definitely a thing and arguably romantic. The bulk of ILIASM members prefer erotic celebration of Valentines Day, commonly mixed with romantic. The absence of the erotic component is what sets out teeth on edge. |
|
m76
Full Member
Posts: 421
|
Post by m76 on Feb 14, 2024 21:22:37 GMT -5
It's a hard day for sure knowing that your significant other just doesn't see you as a romantic partner and yet they go through the motions. Valentines day and anniversaries just drive it home harder. My wife got me a card today that says: "there isn't a thing I'd change about what we have together." Yep, that about sums it up, nothing is going to change unless I make the change. Rhetorical question but why does a refuser stay and lead on a partner that they don't actually have romantic feelings for? Gotta suggest a different choice of words. Asexuals can find the other four love languages to be a potent combination to demonstrate romantic feelings. This can include people asexual with everyone and, as Apocrypha points out at times, asexual with specific people, sometimes their spouse. Such people may think Valentine's Day can be celebrated just as well without sexual or sensual touch. They may find such altruistic, generous gestures as superior. Perhaps they have a point? www.uiargonaut.com/2013/02/07/from-your-valentine-the-dark-history-of-valentines-day/While in prison awaiting his execution, Valentine’s jailer, Asterius, brought his blind daughter to the priest, and Valentine restored her sight through his strong faith. Valentine and Asterius’ daughter became close friends during his imprisonment, and she became greatly distressed over his upcoming execution.
It is said that before Valentine was executed, he wrote a farewell letter to the jailer’s daughter and signed it “from your Valentine.” Historians recognize the relationship between the priest and Asterius’ daughter as one of “agape” love, or Christian love, not of “eros” love, or passionate love.Refused spouses commonly disagree with this exclusion of the fifth love language, but this differing mindset is most definitely a thing and arguably romantic. The bulk of ILIASM members prefer erotic celebration of Valentines Day, commonly mixed with romantic. The absence of the erotic component is what sets out teeth on edge. Fair points and I don't disagree. Just in most of our cases with dead bedrooms we don't necessarily think of our spouses as romantic partners anymore and Valentine's day drives that a little deeper. |
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Feb 15, 2024 8:46:19 GMT -5
Taking charge of my after divorce from a SM days, I noticed the Hibiscus bushes on the fence are blooming huge, gorgeous , fire engine red flowers today!! I took several pics and texted them to many, many, of my female DPO (Dance Partner Friends) Saying "Sending you flowers on Valentines day!" I got a 100% return on my small time investment! text back : That's so sweet! Thank you for thinking of me today! That's so nice of you! So.. stuck in your SM!? Send a thoughtful little Text to an old friend, family member, neighbor, secret lover, etc.... give and receive back! It's the thought ( and time) that counts! What if my crush knows I'm still married? The truth has a way of coming around. You can pretend,and sweep things under the rug, but for only so long. Congrats on facing the truth about your marriage and the choice your "W" is forcing you to make. Remember " you're a good man" and your wife is throwing that away. Her loss, your gain! |
|
|
|
Post by aquacat on Feb 15, 2024 12:15:19 GMT -5
Last night just before bed my wife actually asked me if I wanted some Valentine's sex. Of course it's the same as it usually is; all foreplay towards her. It takes 15-20 minutes to even get her remotely ready for intercourse and I suggested several times things I would like her to do (kiss me on my neck, etc) and she said she needs the foreplay as I get turned on easily and don't need that much. I even bought some flavored gel for oral and suggested it to her hoping maybe that would change her mind. When I brought up using it on me she said the idea needs to come from her and that she has to work herself up to doing that. Sigh.... I'm so glad my wife is so disgusted at doing anything for me below my face. Sure gives me a lot of confidence in myself and my body... NOT.
|
|
|
|
Post by catlover on Feb 15, 2024 16:33:45 GMT -5
Well I had a good wank yesterday afternoon, Happy Valentine's to me Haha (Do I sound bitter?) Didn't expect anything, but still feeling pissed off after my bi65th birthday no-event.
I tend to immerse myself in my hobby, laser engraving. That way I can avoid talking to her, and only make an appearance upstairs (my workshop is in the walk out basement with lovely big windows and patio door) for dinner and to watch the TV news.
|
|
diode
Junior Member
Posts: 78 
|
Post by diode on Feb 15, 2024 17:05:10 GMT -5
The calendar date was not mentioned in my household.
|
|
m76
Full Member
Posts: 421
|
Post by m76 on Feb 15, 2024 17:52:37 GMT -5
Well I had a good wank yesterday afternoon, Happy Valentine's to me Haha (Do I sound bitter?) Didn't expect anything, but still feeling pissed off after my bi65th birthday no-event. I tend to immerse myself in my hobby, laser engraving. That way I can avoid talking to her, and only make an appearance upstairs (my workshop is in the walk out basement with lovely big windows and patio door) for dinner and to watch the TV news. Sounds like my day except my hobby is painting wargame miniatures. For me the painting is like meditation since it takes so much concentration. |
|
|
|
Post by toughtiger on Feb 15, 2024 20:32:10 GMT -5
when my spouse came home yesterday he was all looking at me like "what do you say?"
i said what ..... he said "i sent flowers to your office......."
No he did not........ nothing came to MY work .....
so today in afternoon i get a potted plant delivered to the office ..... guess that is something.... no kiss no hug nothing but miniature roses.
|
|
|
|
Post by mirrororchid on Feb 16, 2024 6:52:54 GMT -5
when my spouse came home yesterday he was all looking at me like "what do you say?" i said what ..... he said "i sent flowers to your office......." No he did not........ nothing came to MY work ..... so today in afternoon i get a potted plant delivered to the office ..... guess that is something.... no kiss no hug nothing but miniature roses. *sigh* They think they're trying. We say we need a car, they bring us a Hot Wheels ferrari. We need food, they bring us wax fruit. We need a vacation, they turn on the National Geographic channel. I mean,... there is an effort, but it's like an alien listening to us through a translator they bought off Temu. |
|
|
|
Post by toughtiger on Feb 16, 2024 7:47:07 GMT -5
when my spouse came home yesterday he was all looking at me like "what do you say?" i said what ..... he said "i sent flowers to your office......." No he did not........ nothing came to MY work ..... so today in afternoon i get a potted plant delivered to the office ..... guess that is something.... no kiss no hug nothing but miniature roses. *sigh* They think they're trying. We say we need a car, they bring us a Hot Wheels ferrari. We need food, they bring us wax fruit. We need a vacation, they turn on the National Geographic channel. I mean,... there is an effort, but it's like an alien listening to us through a translator they bought off Temu. Yep.... the people at office were all like Valentines day is so busy florist probably made the mistake and your spouse is trying..... they do not see how all effort ALWAYS stops short of the mark. did not even have anything on card like LOVE, X just happy valentines day no name .... if they came and he had not said anything how would i know who they were from? |
|
