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Post by dallasgia on Feb 11, 2022 13:08:22 GMT -5
Any distracting activities planned?
This holiday has become my most unfavorite. Spouse at least had the decency to schedule himself out of town for the 14th. The 15th will be our 3 year sexless anniversary. Yahoo.
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 11, 2022 13:33:27 GMT -5
dallasgia: I hope you are doing something special for you on V Day. That's how I used to celebrate during the final sexless years of my marriage. I'd splurge on a spa day.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 11, 2022 21:04:43 GMT -5
I think a "spa day" would be delightful, northstarmom. At least one gets some good relaxation and human touch. dallasgia, I don't think you are ready for this one in your own life, but, that is up to you. On our 23rd wedding anniversary, I took my wife out to dinner at our favorite restaurant, then for a walk along the waterfront, then we went back home where I was subsequently ignored. So, I spent the rest of the evening in my shop talking on the phone with the woman that became my AP. It was my best anniversary in years. |
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Post by dallasgia on Feb 11, 2022 22:02:36 GMT -5
My 25th is in March - if history repeats I won’t even get a dinner out. Not that I want one with him. I am so curious about relationships that are sans sex or touch but the couples still take walks and such and otherwise seem to like each other’s company. Seems to me that would lead to intimacy. In my case, we don’t even make eye contact any more. Real pleasant place to be 🙄
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Post by dallasgia on Feb 11, 2022 22:05:27 GMT -5
northstarmom I will schedule a day long spa day for my anniversary in March. Too late for Valentines. Thanks for the idea.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 12, 2022 0:39:38 GMT -5
My 25th is in March - if history repeats I won’t even get a dinner out. Not that I want one with him. I am so curious about relationships that are sans sex or touch but the couples still take walks and such and otherwise seem to like each other’s company. Seems to me that would lead to intimacy. In my case, we don’t even make eye contact any more. Real pleasant place to be 🙄 Real pleasant... the sarcasm is permeating my screen. You would think closeness like that might lead to something, but, my needs were not her needs. I need sex because it is bonding, and helps me feel happy and close. I felt that, if I could get good, she would enjoy it and we would have more sex. That was very naive on my part. She never explained it, never sought help for it, but, sex was traumatic for her. After sex, I would want to talk about what went well and what didn't and what would be good to try the next time. My wife wanted it over, then wanted to curl up in fetal position and in silence. I finally got good and applied a lot of pressure on my wife to have sex, but, once I understood she wasn't enjoying it, I was heartbroken but stopped asking. I'd rather masterbate on my own than traumatize my partner. |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Feb 12, 2022 6:51:42 GMT -5
1000x this. Pamper yourself. Self care. We all need it. To be loved by others, others have to see first that you also love yourself. dallasgia: I hope you are doing something special for you on V Day. That's how I used to celebrate during the final sexless years of my marriage. I'd splurge on a spa day. |
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Post by catlover on Feb 12, 2022 9:15:44 GMT -5
My 40th wedding anniversary is coming up in Oct. I am debating wether to make it a real special occasion, dinner at at Ruth’s Chris and the whole shebang or to just go, “meh” like she treats any discussions around things erotic
btw, went to Ruth’s Chris last week with the wife and her sister, just because. I had come into a nice little windfall a while back, just before all the restaurants were locked down for sit down dining and just wanted to splash out. A splash out it was indeed. Sumptuous steak dinner (I had the 16 oz ribeye) and $650 (cad) later we were on our way home
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 12, 2022 12:35:26 GMT -5
catlover: "My 40th is coming up in Oct. I am debating wether to make it a real special occasion, dinner at at Ruth’s Chris and the whole shebang or to just go, “meh” like she treats any discussions around things erotic
btw, went to Ruth’s Chris last week with the wife and her sister, just because. I had come into a nice little windfall a while back, just before all the restaurants were locked down for sit down dining and just wanted to splash out. A splash out it was indeed. Sumptuous steak dinner (I had the 16 oz ribeye) and $650 (cad) later we were on our way home"
Create a birthday celebration that makes YOU happy. That may or may not include your wife. My ex husband and I had the same birthday. His idea of a celebration was never mine. For instance, if we threw a party on our birthday, he didn't want people to know it was our birthday! Fortunately, for me, he started working abroad during the summers, which was when our birthday was. I started giving myself wonderful birthday parties that were exactly what I wanted. Before that, I had started making my birthday a spa day for me, something I absolutely love.
Anyway, it's your birthday, and thus should be your time to celebrate you. Do what you want and stop thinking about what your wife would want or do or expect on YOUR special day.
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Post by heelots on Feb 12, 2022 14:16:52 GMT -5
Just another day.
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Post by catlover on Feb 12, 2022 14:38:55 GMT -5
catlover: "My 40th is coming up in Oct. I am debating wether to make it a real special occasion, dinner at at Ruth’s Chris and the whole shebang or to just go, “meh” like she treats any discussions around things erotic btw, went to Ruth’s Chris last week with the wife and her sister, just because. I had come into a nice little windfall a while back, just before all the restaurants were locked down for sit down dining and just wanted to splash out. A splash out it was indeed. Sumptuous steak dinner (I had the 16 oz ribeye) and $650 (cad) later we were on our way home" Create a birthday celebration that makes YOU happy. That may or may not include your wife. My ex husband and I had the same birthday. His idea of a celebration was never mine. For instance, if we threw a party on our birthday, he didn't want people to know it was our birthday! Fortunately, for me, he started working abroad during the summers, which was when our birthday was. I started giving myself wonderful birthday parties that were exactly what I wanted. Before that, I had started making my birthday a spa day for me, something I absolutely love. Anyway, it's your birthday, and thus should be your time to celebrate you. Do what you want and stop thinking about what your wife would want or do or expect on YOUR special day. Apologies, just had a look at what I wrote, its my/our 4oth Wedding anniversary coming up, not my birthday which was in January, which I could give 2 shits about (but would be cool to go back to my 40th birthday :-) . |
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 12, 2022 15:49:23 GMT -5
At my suggestion, my now ex and I stopped celebrating our anniversary several years before I asked for a divorce. I knew my now ex and I were basically cordial roommates and I didn't see any reason to "celebrate." I just told him that since we'd been married so long (about 30 years then), I didn't see the need to have a special celebration. He was fine with not celebrating.
I don't see any reason to celebrate a marriage that one is simply enduring or going through the motions with. If not celebrating hurts your refuser's feelings, so what? You don't have a marriage to celebrate. No need to participate in a charade.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 12, 2022 17:52:16 GMT -5
Any distracting activities planned? This holiday has become my most unfavorite. Spouse at least had the decency to schedule himself out of town for the 14th. The 15th will be our 3 year sexless anniversary. Yahoo. Distracting activities? It does fall on a Monday. A full working day for most people ( I hope to get overtime now that I'm alone/single again). It's going to be cold (high of 60 is cold for Florida) and rainy. Restaurants are crowded,noisy,and the wait is long. being at a table with someone who is 100% detached from you? Why bother putting yourself through it? Try not to get sucked into a man made $$$ making holiday. (know what the best part of Valentine's day is? It's the day after, when the candy is 70% off! LOL!) Side note: Before my woman bolted on me (fear of commitment) we could easily agree that we would go out to eat the day after Valentines, when things weren't as crowded,and love feels real, not manufactured! and that sex on Valentines day was just as wonderful as any other day. ( I'd wish that comfort, and self gratification for everyone!) Order a dinner for yourself, have it delivered to your home, immerse yourself in an old movie or some old songs, call an old friend, give to yourself. Before you know it, it's in the past! On to new beginnings? a A goal two or three years from now, is that Valentine's day is an everyday occurance. is that in your future? Can be,If you want it to be! You deserve it ! |
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Post by baza on Feb 12, 2022 20:00:06 GMT -5
If the idea is to distract oneself from Valentines day, then avoiding posting - and/or reading - anything on ILIASM about the subject for the month of February wouldn't be a bad idea.
Same thing would apply for the month when birthdays, anniversaries, xmas, new years eve etc fall.
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Post by ggold on Feb 13, 2022 18:47:16 GMT -5
I have hated Valentine’s Day since I was a teen. Just brings back memories of being lonely. Yes, I had some nice ones here and there. Just so stupid.
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