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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 8, 2021 20:05:24 GMT -5
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Post by Handy on Nov 9, 2021 1:11:49 GMT -5
29 years ago, maybe one case out of 100 involved a woman paying spousal support. Today, it’s about two out of 10 cases.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 14, 2021 7:03:17 GMT -5
It's a letdown that it happens at all.
Fifty years ago, I could see an argument for alimony, because women were at a real disadvantage in the workplace. Things are different, now. The less motivated partner should not be able to live off the largess of someone they no longer want a relationship with.
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Post by mirrororchid on Nov 15, 2021 6:05:57 GMT -5
It's a letdown that it happens at all. Fifty years ago, I could see an argument for alimony, because women were at a real disadvantage in the workplace. Things are different, now. The less motivated partner should not be able to live off the largess of someone they no longer want a relationship with. I can see the point if there was some stay at home parenting. The SAH spouse could be seen as the best possible nanny you could hire. Conceivably, a good supportive spouse may be filling the role of valet, social director, and secretary to a power player. They'd be paying an assistant good money, but it doesn't show up on a resume and they'll need time to prove themselves as similarly useful. Of course, a pre-nup should spell out just what kind of support is called for. Even a post-nup. For now, refuse to ever move to a permanent alimony state. If your STBX moves to one, file immediately before the residency requirement kicks in. |
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Post by lightbeam3076 on Mar 12, 2022 2:58:15 GMT -5
This is a tough one. I'm fifteen years younger than my partner. He's hinting at wanting to retire while I work and he takes care of the kids. But....
- all our life savings are in his name
- I took a pay cut of 70% by taking time out to raise our kids (and always had a salary that was easily a third less than my male equivalents- took many years to discover that).
- I'm not sure my 'career' will ever recover from it.
The disadvantages to being a woman are real and the physical toll of motherhood- boy oh boy- six years to recover from chronic fatigue.
Each case is unique I'm sure but please don't think for a moment it's an 'equal' playing field.
I'll be fine. not looking for sympathy but keen for people to see it from different angles.
In the end my view is that the mental health and happiness of BOTH parents matters when it comes to raising kids. Let's do whatever it takes to be the best parents we can be for their sake. I have too many friends who are left so stressed out by not receiving any income/alimony/payments that they struggle unnecessarily and can't be the best parent to their child (here in the UK the system does a poor job of chasing partners that don't pay their share of what they ought to).
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Post by baza on Mar 12, 2022 4:11:16 GMT -5
In my jurisdiction, divorce is "no fault" and works on a baseline of 50/50 of the divisible assets. Who's name they are in is neither here nor there. If you were a stay at home mum with limited ability to work, and limited ability to get post divorce work then you'd get better than 50% I'd suggest you consult a lawyer in your jurisdiction to establish how a divorce would shake out for you. NOT to "take him to the cleaners" or punish him or exact retribution, just to make sure you get your right whack out of the financial split of the marriage to which you contributed and to which you are entitled. Laying the details out to a lawyer would be a real good idea Sister lightbeam3076 |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 12, 2022 5:17:13 GMT -5
I was providing an income and my husband was a stay-at-home dad. I expected having to pay alimony. But my husband demanded more money than I earned. He totally made himself look ridiculous in court and he clearly showed that he didn't intend to look for a job. That's why I only had to pay alimony for a short period. I just had to pay child support after that. If my ex would have played it right, he would probably have got a lot more money from me.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 12, 2022 7:09:25 GMT -5
I was providing an income and my husband was a stay-at-home dad. I expected having to pay alimony. But my husband demanded more money than I earned. He totally made himself look ridiculous in court and he clearly showed that he didn't intend to look for a job. That's why I only had to pay alimony for a short period. I just had to pay child support after that. If my ex would have played it right, he would probably have got a lot more money from me. Your ex is a greedy, dysfunctional, selfish, law breaking, piece of s***, beyond repair! If you want to see someone's true self, take them to court!! So glad you escaped! |
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Post by ironhamster on Mar 12, 2022 7:13:04 GMT -5
In Illinois, the state in which we divorced, alimony is set at 30% of the primary earner's income, less 20% of the receiving ex. This means I pay almost 30% of my income, because my ex could do better for herself but she chooses not to.
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Post by ironhamster on Mar 12, 2022 7:30:41 GMT -5
This is a tough one. I'm fifteen years younger than my partner. He's hinting at wanting to retire while I work and he takes care of the kids. But.... - all our life savings are in his name - I took a pay cut of 70% by taking time out to raise our kids (and always had a salary that was easily a third less than my male equivalents- took many years to discover that). - I'm not sure my 'career' will ever recover from it. The disadvantages to being a woman are real and the physical toll of motherhood- boy oh boy- six years to recover from chronic fatigue. Each case is unique I'm sure but please don't think for a moment it's an 'equal' playing field. I'll be fine. not looking for sympathy but keen for people to see it from different angles. In the end my view is that the mental health and happiness of BOTH parents matters when it comes to raising kids. Let's do whatever it takes to be the best parents we can be for their sake. I have too many friends who are left so stressed out by not receiving any income/alimony/payments that they struggle unnecessarily and can't be the best parent to their child (here in the UK the system does a poor job of chasing partners that don't pay their share of what they ought to). Laws vary, but, odds are his retirement assets are also your assets without regard to the name on the account. If one dollar, or, I guess, one pound of marital income ended up in any account, it all becomes marital property. |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 18, 2022 17:18:35 GMT -5
What a coincidence, I have not heard from my ex since my divorce more than 4 years ago. And now he sent me an e-mail demanding money. My daughter turned 21 recently. I now don't have to pay child support anymore officially. And now my daughter is obligated to look for a job if she is not getting an education. However, she is apparently at home all day with her unemployed dad. His social security allowance is now cut. So what is the first thing he does, he demands money from me. Especially now he knows that my dad recently died. So I will inherit some money. Just like before our divorce, he comes up with a calculation that basically says I have to give nearly everything to him. My stomach hurts.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 18, 2022 17:52:16 GMT -5
What a coincidence, I have not heard from my ex since my divorce more than 4 years ago. And now he sent me an e-mail demanding money. My daughter turned 21 recently. I now don't have to pay child support anymore officially. And now my daughter is obligated to look for a job if she is not getting an education. However, she is apparently at home all day with her unemployed dad. His social security allowance is now cut. So what is the first thing he does, he demands money from me. Especially now he knows that my dad recently died. So I will inherit some money. Just like before our divorce, he comes up with a calculation that basically says I have to give nearly everything to him. My stomach hurts. That is so sad. I'm sorry you have to go through this harassment again! Even worse your daughter is involved again! I'd love to offer you a smidgen of hope that you could convince your daughter to give you a chance and flee from the manipulator! However.... from all your previous experiences with the law and the court system. Sadly you might end up paying again! If it gives you any comfort, you sure made the right decision to get away from him. This just confirms it even more! |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 18, 2022 18:04:07 GMT -5
greatcoastal Thanks. I don't mind giving money to my daughter, as long as it actually is a benefit for her. But as it is now, paying (a lot) would just keep them both in the situation they are in. Maybe this all is actually a good thing. Perhaps I could get something out of it. I have something they want. Maybe they can offer me something that I want. Actual contact with my daughter and some activity or education that gets my daughter out of the house and supports her mental health.
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Post by baza on Mar 18, 2022 19:19:55 GMT -5
You'd figure that, if you kept funding your daughter you would (by default) be funding your layabout ex spouse as well.
Very easy for me to say from distance, but I'd counsel you to pay him/her/them NOTHING at this point (unless there is some legal issue whereby you are compelled to comply with).
You've got leverage at this point.
Use it.
Might be time to spend a few bucks on a lawyer.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 18, 2022 21:57:33 GMT -5
Could you not fund your daughter unless she lives with you? If that happens would the police keep him away? Questions for your attorney again. He will most likely disclose his location and a a lot of other incriminating evidence against him, ,in order to try for the money again. Sadly it could end up with the same "we can do nothing" story.
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