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Post by tamara68 on Mar 19, 2022 4:24:39 GMT -5
You'd figure that, if you kept funding your daughter you would (by default) be funding your layabout ex spouse as well. Very easy for me to say from distance, but I'd counsel you to pay him/her/them NOTHING at this point (unless there is some legal issue whereby you are compelled to comply with). You've got leverage at this point. Use it. Might be time to spend a few bucks on a lawyer. I know, I have leverage now. Just not sure yet how to use it. I am going to contact both my Belgian and Dutch lawyer. It is possible that I do legally have to pay something for my daughter. For my ex only if a judge says so. My ex could go to court to request alimony. But since we don't live in the same country, the procedure is a bit more complicated. I think he did try but gave up. However, if he did put some effort in it, he probably would be able to get alimony from me for 6 years. I am willing to pay in a way that helps my daughter. But it is clear that what they ask from me is only keeping her in the situation she is in. |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 19, 2022 4:27:51 GMT -5
Could you not fund your daughter unless she lives with you? If that happens would the police keep him away? Questions for your attorney again. He will most likely disclose his location and a a lot of other incriminating evidence against him, ,in order to try for the money again. Sadly it could end up with the same "we can do nothing" story. I was thinking along those lines, but that is not likely achievable. |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 27, 2022 5:24:47 GMT -5
Both my Dutch and Belgian lawyers replied to my questions. They confirm what I thought. He doesn't have any rights on alimony unless a judge decides I have to pay. It is possible but not likely that the benefit agency may ask the court to order me to pay spousal support.
I plan to offer to give money to my daughter under certain conditions. She must engage in activities to improve her social contacts, health, and future prospects. I am thinking about how exactly I will do that. I will also consult with someone from a welfare organization who knows the situation.
I am hopeful that I can contribute to my daughter's wellbeing and be able to see her again. But I am also afraid of everything that could go wrong.
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 28, 2022 5:50:07 GMT -5
Both my Dutch and Belgian lawyers replied to my questions. They confirm what I thought. He doesn't have any rights on alimony unless a judge decides I have to pay. It is possible but not likely that the benefit agency may ask the court to order me to pay spousal support. I plan to offer to give money to my daughter under certain conditions. She must engage in activities to improve her social contacts, health, and future prospects. I am thinking about how exactly I will do that. I will also consult with someone from a welfare organization who knows the situation. I am hopeful that I can contribute to my daughter's wellbeing and be able to see her again. But I am also afraid of everything that could go wrong. I used to pay my daughter's community college tuition directly and I gave her a Food Lion gift card I could add money to online. I never worried about her starving and didn't worry about her buying booze instead. Checks made out to a landlord kept her off the street. (You can buy someone else groceries and they give you cash, but the extra hassle isn't helpful towards securing "fun money" not to mention the discount you have to offer for someone to bother doing you the favor. That crimps the budget.) Maybe a home repair? Can get a contractor accepting online payment. Money if fungible so paying for one expense means money she can squander on unwise decisions, so... there are limits to this economic prophylaxis, but maybe the compartmentalization is of comfort? |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 28, 2022 14:04:13 GMT -5
I spoke with the welfare person, she made inquiries and could confirm that the benefit agency definitely will not ask me to pay spousal support. She also said it is better not to give them money, only pay directly for education and so on if I want to. I am trying to figure out what is best to do.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 28, 2022 22:03:56 GMT -5
I spoke with the welfare person, she made inquiries and could confirm that the benefit agency definitely will not ask me to pay spousal support. She also said it is better not to give them money, only pay directly for education and so on if I want to. I am trying to figure out what is best to do. Maybe that's the best route to go? It gets you more involved in her future. A chance for a new beginning! And less and less toxic influence from the ex. Similar to what you've been through. Mom could really give a lot to her ...if only... if only she will accept it? By overcoming her false fears and misconceptions. |
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