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Post by sweetplumeria on Jul 9, 2021 4:09:14 GMT -5
Ok according to Baz step 1 is chat with a lawyer... how do you know what questions to ask lawyer? Can step 1 be a mixture of: 1.1 Get bank account in your name only 1.2 Get po box or mailing location 1.3 Gather important numbers/documents (and save where???) 1.4 Make a living plan? where might you live??? 1.5 Start getting bills separated (I just got a medical bill today addressed to hubby, why idk) What else?  I know there is a list somewhere...
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Step 1.
Jul 9, 2021 4:50:14 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by ironhamster on Jul 9, 2021 4:50:14 GMT -5
The lawyer will have the answers to how things will shake out for you.
What are you entitled to keep, regarding marital assets? What marital support will you pay or receive? What child support will you pay or receive?
How about personal decisions. If you have an affair, how will that count against you? If you leave, what do you need to do to keep the courts from seeing that in a negative light, or risk giving too much?
Example. When I left, my divorce was not yet settled. I was giving my ex $1k a week because I didn't want to make things hard on my last minor kid. My STBX's lawyer got the judge to set my "temporary support" at $1k a week, and this was to be paid until we signed the agreement. This put some duress on me. Being too generous at the beginning was not beneficial. Likewise, if I provided no support, that would have been "abandonment" which also would have been an issue.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jul 9, 2021 5:55:14 GMT -5
Ok according to Baz step 1 is chat with a lawyer... how do you know what questions to ask lawyer? Can step 1 be a mixture of: 1.1 Get bank account in your name only 1.2 Get P.O. box or mailing location 1.3 Gather important numbers/documents (and save where???) 1.4 Make a living plan? where might you live??? 1.5 Start getting bills separated (I just got a medical bill today addressed to hubby, why idk) What else?  I know there is a list somewhere... I want to say greatcoastal had a list of pitfalls to avoid. Maybe this one? iliasm.org/thread/3336/mediation-deposition-attorneys-trial-datesMost of your steps don't strike me as legal, per se. They don't cost anything except the PO Box. Doing them may prove empowering and of great use towards morale boosting. Actively changing your life towards a goal made the last year of my sexless marriage (pre-reset) not nearly so bad. I was fixing the problem. There was an end in sight I was walking towards. Even if you end up never needing these steps, doing them eases the mind. At least, it worked that way for me.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 9, 2021 6:01:35 GMT -5
Ok according to Baz step 1 is chat with a lawyer... how do you know what questions to ask lawyer? Can step 1 be a mixture of: 1.1 Get bank account in your name only 1.2 Get po box or mailing location 1.3 Gather important numbers/documents (and save where???) 1.4 Make a living plan? where might you live??? 1.5 Start getting bills separated (I just got a medical bill today addressed to hubby, why idk) What else?  I know there is a list somewhere... You can find virtually everything on the internet. Just "google" questions for a lawyer if you divorce. Also information needed prior to divorcing will get you information.
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Post by baza on Jul 9, 2021 7:24:09 GMT -5
Basically, the lawyer will want to know - What assets (and debt) you hold. What assets (and debt) he holds. What assets (and debt) you jointly hold. What your income has been over the past say 5 years, and what you might realistically earn over the next 5 years. What his income has been over the past say 5 years, and what he might realistically earn over the next 5 years.
From these facts, the lawyer will be able to nut out a likely scenario as to how the finances would be divided in your unique situation. There will be nuances to any situation. Are there dependent kids, for example. And how will custody (and child support) be negotiated.
Really, the lawyer asks you a heap of questions, and you respond.
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Post by jerri on Jul 11, 2021 1:57:40 GMT -5
This is supposed to be the ultimate list below. Google is your friend If I could add one that really screwed my brother's ex, who was in the divorce process when he passed away it would be being the beneficiary on his life insurance at work. (she has had me in litigation for 4 years because she wants to take away 300K that my brother left us. He was a firefighter. She is beyond upset that he changed the beneficiary. Make sure you change all beneficiaries BEFORE THE DIVORCE STARTS ASSETS FREEZE IN My STATE. Remove your money way before the divorce starts? She took all of the family pictures including his of us from childhood. Something he was really upset about. Maybe make copies...? While my brother was at work she came with a moving crew took pictures and cleaned the house out so it echoed when you walked in. It was nasty. Guess what the neighbors filmed her moving all the stuff out. You might ask the neighbors for a watchful eye or set up a hidden camera? I tried to get some copies of some of my brother's documents. (the court only keeps them for two years) www.survivedivorce.com/divorce-checklist
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Post by shamwow on Jul 31, 2021 2:39:54 GMT -5
Ok according to Baz step 1 is chat with a lawyer... how do you know what questions to ask lawyer? Can step 1 be a mixture of: 1.1 Get bank account in your name only 1.2 Get po box or mailing location 1.3 Gather important numbers/documents (and save where???) 1.4 Make a living plan? where might you live??? 1.5 Start getting bills separated (I just got a medical bill today addressed to hubby, why idk) What else?  I know there is a list somewhere... Back when I was going through this I had a divorce cheat sheet I'd shared with some of the folks here. It was what I used to organize things prior to my visit with the attorney. As a result, my visit was quick and organized. If you want, send me a PM with and email address to share to and I'll send you a copy of the Google sheet.
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Post by Handy on Aug 22, 2021 14:32:48 GMT -5
Padgemi It’s almost as if she had a clear, craftily thought-out plan all along…
Maybe she did have a plan OR maybe she was good at just coming up with something quick, that worked for her.
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Post by isthisit on Aug 22, 2021 15:14:05 GMT -5
Shore up your support systems. Reach out to all your mutual friends. My head is still spinning after observing how quickly my ex ran to the arms of all our mutual friends crying, (before I even filed) leaving me with no one I felt comfortable talking to except my therapist and my out-of-state family. It’s almost as if she had a clear, craftily thought-out plan all along… 🤔 I am sorry for your experience it sounds horrible. But I can’t help thinking that these “friends” aren’t much loss to you at all. Real friends stick with you through thick and thin, and cannot be swayed by such shenanigans. I have been in the situation twice, and on both occasions I was clear in my intention to support both and avoid taking sides. One set of friends thought more of me for it, and one (the bloke) of the other set got grumpy about it- which was his problem and not mine. As is always the case, you’re through the horrible bit and on the up. 😊 The long term gain bit is so much nicer than the short term pain part.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Sept 13, 2021 23:12:32 GMT -5
Ok according to Baz step 1 is chat with a lawyer... how do you know what questions to ask lawyer? Can step 1 be a mixture of: 1.1 Get bank account in your name only 1.2 Get po box or mailing location 1.3 Gather important numbers/documents (and save where???) 1.4 Make a living plan? where might you live??? 1.5 Start getting bills separated (I just got a medical bill today addressed to hubby, why idk) What else?  I know there is a list somewhere... I didn't get a lawyer until I moved out. I contacted a no contest divorce lawyer sent my ex the info on cost and what I would agree to. He agreed. Hardest part was physically moving out. I did have all my ducks in a row. I even organized his ducks. He's still a pain in my ass occasionally but for the most part we don't communicate.
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