|
|
Post by catlover on Jun 13, 2021 8:54:33 GMT -5
Yesterday was the 6th anniversary of the last time we had ANY intimacy.
How do I know this? Setup a Gmail meeting invite that time. It worked once
|
|
|
|
Post by southerngirl on Jun 19, 2021 13:33:33 GMT -5
Sorry CL
Tomorrow is my 8 yr anniversary. How do I know? I remember the event we were at together that night. There’s a photo of us with the date stamp on my phone. But, it wasn’t the last time there was any intimacy between us. It was the last time I accepted the pathetic attempt he made at faking the intimacy that hadn’t been there in many, many years. That was the night I said enough was enough. No sex is so much better than bad sex. That was the last time bad sex would ever even be a possibility.
Sigh.
|
|
|
|
Post by jerri on Jun 20, 2021 1:10:06 GMT -5
Wow! Don't do what I did and pretend I could handle it and wait 12 years!
|
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Jun 20, 2021 4:40:25 GMT -5
I got out of my marriage of 34 years after 8 straight years of no intimacy. I was 61. I'm much happier now and even, to my surprise, have now been for years in a post SM marriage romance that includes physical and emotional intimacy. Only thing I'm sorry about is that I waited so long to get out of a marriage that made me miserable.
|
|
|
|
Post by sweetplumeria on Jun 21, 2021 2:02:52 GMT -5
I got out of my marriage of 34 years after 8 straight years of no intimacy. I was 61. I'm much happier now and even, to my surprise, have now been for years in a post SM marriage romance that includes physical and emotional intimacy. Only thing I'm sorry about is that I waited so long to get out of a marriage that made me miserable. This is inspiring! I too am looking to make a change. Its gonna be slow. I don't know how to untangle 25 years... |
|
|
|
Post by Isabellas39 on Aug 10, 2021 6:38:22 GMT -5
Today is our 19th anniversary, and sex has been nonexistent for over 10 years. Our son is now 18 and starts college soon, yet my college plan is the same as it was when I joined this group ages ago.
|
|
|
|
Post by Test on Aug 10, 2021 16:46:44 GMT -5
Today is our 19th anniversary, and sex has been nonexistent for over 10 years. Our son is now 18 and starts college soon, yet my college plan is the same as it was when I joined this group ages ago. That's too long. |
|
|
|
Post by jim44444 on Aug 10, 2021 18:04:45 GMT -5
Today is our 19th anniversary, and sex has been nonexistent for over 10 years. Our son is now 18 and starts college soon, yet my college plan is the same as it was when I joined this group ages ago. Are you prepared to execute your college plan when your son starts his adult life? |
|
|
|
Post by sadkat on Aug 10, 2021 18:38:00 GMT -5
Today is our 19th anniversary, and sex has been nonexistent for over 10 years. Our son is now 18 and starts college soon, yet my college plan is the same as it was when I joined this group ages ago. I had a college plan too. It took me 4 years to execute it. 4 years of slowly dying inside due to lack of love and affection. Looking back, I realize that my son filled the love gap somewhat and his hugs gave me some physical affection. I thought to myself, “I can live without intimacy”. But when my son was off in college, reality set it. Absolutely zero love and zero affection. It broke me. I hope you don’t wait as long as I did to create and implement an exit plan. It just get worse from here. |
|
|
|
Post by baza on Aug 10, 2021 19:38:12 GMT -5
Usually (but not always) the college plan isn't actually a plan at all.
Rather, it is a deferment strategy, putting the choice off to a future date.
A genuine college plan means that you have consulted a lawyer in your jurisdiction and established how a divorce would shake out for you.
It also means you have a do-able exit plan in your pocket.
And you have your support network shored up to help you through the process.
Also, it means you have fully researched how you will help manage your kids through such an event.
In essence, it means you are prepared - now - for any eventuality that may emerge up to your preferred date (presumably college time).
If you haven't got these things, then you haven't actually got a plan at all.
What you've got is a vague idea of what you might do at some indeterminate time in the future.
And that, is pretty easily derailed - as the 'college plan' becomes the 'after Aunty Maudes 90th birthday plan' which in turn is replaced by 'after thanksgiving' etc etc.
If you haven't actually got your legal advice etc, then really, you haven't got a plan at all.
|
|
|
|
Post by deadzone75 on Aug 10, 2021 23:05:04 GMT -5
Sorry CL Tomorrow is my 8 yr anniversary. How do I know? I remember the event we were at together that night. There’s a photo of us with the date stamp on my phone. But, it wasn’t the last time there was any intimacy between us. It was the last time I accepted the pathetic attempt he made at faking the intimacy that hadn’t been there in many, many years. That was the night I said enough was enough. No sex is so much better than bad sex. That was the last time bad sex would ever even be a possibility. Sigh. The only thing that can make you grateful for no sex is bad sex. You don't know how good you have it until that post-sex moment following an award winning worst sexual experience. I could publish a coffee table book about bad sex filled entirely with experiences from my M. But I'd have to add and afterword that includes my two worst pre-M sexual experiences. |
|
|
|
Post by Isabellas39 on Aug 16, 2021 23:06:44 GMT -5
Today is our 19th anniversary, and sex has been nonexistent for over 10 years. Our son is now 18 and starts college soon, yet my college plan is the same as it was when I joined this group ages ago. Are you prepared to execute your college plan when your son starts his adult life? That’s the problem as Baza rightly pointed out…I have no real plan. Throughout the years I have managed to not dwell, but then there are times where it’s overwhelming. |
|
|
|
Post by mirrororchid on Aug 17, 2021 5:38:22 GMT -5
That’s the problem as Baza rightly pointed out…I have no real plan. Throughout the years I have managed to not dwell, but then there are times where it’s overwhelming. Maybe a source of inspiration. When you're fed up, it's easy to find motivation to start planning, but the project is mountain size and your emotional state interferes. In the "not dwelling" stage, you can be unmotivated because things aren't bad enough to want to think about this unhappy possibility. The blah stage is when the work can be beneficial. I've come to think that a big portion of happiness is making progress in one's life. Stuck in the "getting by" stage isn't neutral; it's negative. Going sideways isn't progress and the security and safety of a SM is a positive, enviable position for those who are lonely and single or in outright abusive marriages. It's easy to settle. I'll tell my daughter one of the hugest parts of a big project is starting. I tell her read one page of that book. No more. You're not allowed to read more the first time. You set a goal so embarrassingly easy that you start just to avoid the self shaming. Make it a paragraph if even the small goal is too much. Maybe read that thread and see which step sounds easiest or the most exciting. A fun part of your future? Planning to leave doesn't mean you have to. Planning my outsourcing was of immense help to my frustration and seething anger. Hope is a marvelous antidepressant. In the end, I didn't actually outsource but I do not regret that "wasted" time making plans I didn't need. I look upon it fondly, in fact. |
|
|
|
Post by angeleyes65 on Aug 19, 2021 19:56:53 GMT -5
northstarmom.. same left a 35 year marriage after 14 years of being sexless, I was 52. I'm in a great relationship and I totally regret not doing it while I was younger .
|
|
