Post by bballgirl on Jun 2, 2016 10:37:17 GMT -5
Putting on notice and laying the groundwork is something I did as well. I told him that I was going to start seeing a therapist because I wasn't happy, I was crying all the time.
I remember telling him in the garage.
I also told him that I loved him but I wasn't in love.
He went into his typical woe is me, it's your fault blaming me for his inadequacies.
At that point the words didn't matter. I had a plan.
I was just trying to prepare him so he wasn't blindsided when I told him that I would be filing for divorce.
I don't know if they (the refusers) are ever really prepared to hear those words. In my case he had every right to think I wouldn't have the guts to pull the trigger.
After all I had already put up with his shit for 23 years and it wasn't all bad by any means we had fun times too but not really sexually but why would I leave if I hadn't already. I think they take us for granted so much that they really think they got it made on their terms.
That might have been true if I never found EP.
However 1) he didn't know about EP and 2) that I really had changed and evolved as a person while he did not.
Then I told him the next month I wanted a divorce and he went into denial. I think he still didn't think I would go through with it. He had 2 months to lawyer up.
I wanted to get through Halloween (lol) though so I didn't file until November. He didn't believe it until he got a letter in the mail from another attorney wanting to represent him that I filed. Total denial. In my state you are at an advantage to file first.
Anyway my rambling and my point here, it's good to prepare them but it will still hurt them. However I told my husband that how sad, alone, empty and miserable that he felt when I told him is just 24 hours of grief compared to the years of grief that I've felt. There comes a time in life that we deserve to be happy too.
I remember telling him in the garage.
I also told him that I loved him but I wasn't in love.
He went into his typical woe is me, it's your fault blaming me for his inadequacies.
At that point the words didn't matter. I had a plan.
I was just trying to prepare him so he wasn't blindsided when I told him that I would be filing for divorce.
I don't know if they (the refusers) are ever really prepared to hear those words. In my case he had every right to think I wouldn't have the guts to pull the trigger.
After all I had already put up with his shit for 23 years and it wasn't all bad by any means we had fun times too but not really sexually but why would I leave if I hadn't already. I think they take us for granted so much that they really think they got it made on their terms.
That might have been true if I never found EP.
However 1) he didn't know about EP and 2) that I really had changed and evolved as a person while he did not.
Then I told him the next month I wanted a divorce and he went into denial. I think he still didn't think I would go through with it. He had 2 months to lawyer up.
I wanted to get through Halloween (lol) though so I didn't file until November. He didn't believe it until he got a letter in the mail from another attorney wanting to represent him that I filed. Total denial. In my state you are at an advantage to file first.
Anyway my rambling and my point here, it's good to prepare them but it will still hurt them. However I told my husband that how sad, alone, empty and miserable that he felt when I told him is just 24 hours of grief compared to the years of grief that I've felt. There comes a time in life that we deserve to be happy too.
