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Post by Handy on Jul 20, 2020 1:39:31 GMT -5
Boldness in the Era of #MeToo | Dr. Robert Glover
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Post by Handy on Jul 23, 2020 23:20:46 GMT -5
Dr. Robert Glover - Author of No More Mr. Nice Guy | Dream Connections
Listen with the mind focused on challenges and growth potentials.
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Post by petrushka on Aug 2, 2020 21:05:58 GMT -5
BTW, WTactualF is this about red pill sons and blue pill fathers?! My father HATES women, as did 90% of all the men I knew that were more than 15 y older than me. And all the men I know personally who love women are 60 or under today but thats maybe b/c thats my dating range, 30-60, told you I am broad-minded, although 55 is IMHO the most ideal. Or they were in the 10% of the > 15 y older than me who took the effort to mentor me in my past, and have died, and I loved them even more b/c they were even rarer when I needed them more. If anything its red pill fathers and blue pill sons, and that was in a less conservative state. I now live in a more conservative state and only date rarely b/c it has to be long distance b/c the locals hate women regardless of age. Or maybe its a red pill > 60, blue pill/ 30-60, red pill under 30 sandwich? Whatever it is, it’s ok, we can take care of ourselves now, if you hate us, the one you hurt most is you so whatevs. Well, it took me a while to figure out what you're on about with the red/blue pills. If I got it at all --- I guess you're not talking Viagra here.
It's funny, I could have written that last sentence as a man: "If you hate us, the one you hurt most is you ...".
From the time I was 16 or so I have resented my assigned gender role :"the men have to do the chasing, and the women get to say yes or no". Do you see an imbalance here?
Believe it or not, I have been well behaved enough to never make sexual advances to a woman with whom I wasn't close friends, and who had not made advances to me..
These days, I feel, like you complain about having to date long distance, that I just can't be bothered to deal with the hostile puritannical and misandrist view of men as being sexual predators by default (and probably pedos into the bargain) the mere moment you dare compliment a woman [who doesn't fancy you in the first place].
And like you, I think "I can take care of myself, and: I don't need this shit painted on me, go away and find a bad boy to beat you up or a battery operated boyfriend or whatever, I just don't care any more". I used to be sad and upset about the rejections - but that's just what they were. You feel sad and you try again, maybe, once you get over the hurt, with someone else. The current climate feels so hostile to me, as a man, that I just don't feel like playing any more.
Don't get me wrong: I have no sympathy for misogynist incels or abusers like the *steins [Wein~, Ep~, etc] -- horrible failures as human beings.
I have little sympathy for whiners who just howl about how women exploit them (although some legislations, well, I know people of both gender who have been screwed over in Canada by family law for instance).
But I'm at the point of giving up on finding a woman who is willing to love me and willing to be loved by me. The playing field is just so skewed and someone has been over it with a backhoe and created trenches for the war of the sexes and obstacle courses and muddy messes. Hell, I'd rather sit on my arse, read
short stories and wait for the next heart attack. Maybe next time I won't bother going to the hospital.
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Post by Handy on Aug 3, 2020 0:08:33 GMT -5
AliasHelenT
……..so I’m confused why he’s considered “manosphere” and “red pill”?
I listened to some of those types of pod-cast but I don’t fit in to any of those groups so I avoid going there now.
My main thing about Glover was the “hidden contracts: IE if I do a bunch of things for my GF/Wife, she should like me and want to have sex with me. Glover says that is a covert contract” and life doesn’t work that way. Glover also advises being bolder and plan more, rather than asking a woman if she wants to do X Y or Z and be OK with a FEW no’s without taking it as a serious defeat.
Onetime I was moving a chest freezer and after the job was done, I had the hots for my W, picked her up, sat her on the chest freezer lid, and had sex with her in the middle of the afternoon. I was worried for a month that maybe she resented me for doing that. Glover and some women on this forum said it was what some women like and want. Until Glover and some women on this forum said I shouldn’t be concerned, I never heard that type of move was OK. Sometimes trying to avoid doing the wrong thing and not going for what I see as a good time, I was actually making sex boring. Who knew that being conservative was a buzz killer.
we’re tired of having to tone ourselves down to be less than you
That is sometimes because many men are told they have to be stronger-smarter- or what ever, or the woman will think the man is a loser. Thinking I have to be ”what ever” puts an extra amount of pressure on me to be those things, or it use to. Young boys / men get teased a lot about being a weak person or “sissy” so sometimes they try to fake knowing or doing more than they do.
So, no red pill or blue pill, what ever a blue pill is. I am just looking for compatible friends and wherever it go from there.
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Post by saarinista on Aug 3, 2020 18:11:24 GMT -5
Aww, deleted I know how you feel. Fuck. |
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Post by saarinista on Aug 3, 2020 18:15:33 GMT -5
AliasHelenT
……..so I’m confused why he’s considered “manosphere” and “red pill”?I listened to some of those types of pod-cast but I don’t fit in to any of those groups so I avoid going there now. My main thing about Glover was the “hidden contracts: IE if I do a bunch of things for my GF/Wife, she should like me and want to have sex with me. Glover says that is a covert contract” and life doesn’t work that way. Glover also advises being bolder and plan more, rather than asking a woman if she wants to do X Y or Z and be OK with a FEW no’s without taking it as a serious defeat. Onetime I was moving a chest freezer and after the job was done, I had the hots for my W, picked her up, sat her on the chest freezer lid, and had sex with her in the middle of the afternoon. I was worried for a month that maybe she resented me for doing that. Glover and some women on this forum said it was what some women like and want. Until Glover and some women on this forum said I shouldn’t be concerned, I never heard that type of move was OK. Sometimes trying to avoid doing the wrong thing and not going for what I see as a good time, I was actually making sex boring. Who knew that being conservative was a buzz killer. we’re tired of having to tone ourselves down to be less than you That is sometimes because many men are told they have to be stronger-smarter- or what ever, or the woman will think the man is a loser. Thinking I have to be ”what ever” puts an extra amount of pressure on me to be those things, or it use to. Young boys / men get teased a lot about being a weak person or “sissy” so sometimes they try to fake knowing or doing more than they do. So, no red pill or blue pill, what ever a blue pill is. I am just looking for compatible friends and wherever it go from there. It's hard for me to understand why you'd have the hots for your wife, but okay. So did you ever talk to her about the freezer thing? Did she feel upset about that, or was your worry in vain? You're still posting. I assume she didn't kill you for your bold advance! Why don't you do it again? She is your wife and it's not illegal for you to invite her to have sex. |
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Post by Handy on Aug 3, 2020 22:35:20 GMT -5
Saarinista, the freezer sex happened way back in the mid or late 1970's. Anyway, married less than 10 years. I never talked about it with her. Yes I worried in vain. The freezer sex didn't evoke any complaints so I was relieved after several months.
You see, back then (1970's) all I heard was men shouldn't be over sexed unless the W was buttering the H up to have sex. The idea that men had an unseasonable (compared to a woman's needs or wants) sex drive was popular at the time.
I know it isn't illegal to have sex with a spouse but in many cases obligatory or resented sexual activity influences the initiating person to feel like a pest or if it goes on too long, some people become depressed, resentful and more.
A little back history. Our sex life was good for many years, then I needed back surgery from over working. Five years later I was looking at a second back surgery and got fired. The potential of no income almost sent me into a deep depression. Fortunately with a lawyer's help, I got a disability work related income and was eligible for retraining. The kids were almost out of school so my W went to work, then back to jr college. Then she went to work part time. Then the sex almost stopped and her income from her part time job was hers to do with however she pleased.
The sex decreased with each event I listed and really dropped when she was in a "take care of herself-co-dependency no more" program at work and she had some UTI's, a lumpectomy and took Tamoxifen (blocks the actions of estrogen, a female hormone for certain types of breast cancer) for 5 years.
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Post by mirrororchid on Aug 4, 2020 15:43:27 GMT -5
AliasHelenT
……..so I’m confused why he’s considered “manosphere” and “red pill”?... My main thing about Glover was the “hidden contracts: IE if I do a bunch of things for my GF/Wife, she should like me and want to have sex with me. Glover says that is a covert contract” and life doesn’t work that way. Glover also advises being bolder and plan more, rather than asking a woman if she wants to do X Y or Z and be OK with a FEW no’s without taking it as a serious defeat. Onetime I was moving a chest freezer and after the job was done, I had the hots for my W, picked her up, sat her on the chest freezer lid, and had sex with her in the middle of the afternoon. So, no red pill or blue pill, what ever a blue pill is. I am just looking for compatible friends and wherever it go from there. I flitted around the DeadBedroom Reddit forums and ran across red pill types. Red pills need not be misogynist. The red pill refers to a plot device of the movie The Matrix in which Keanu Reeves' character is offered a red pill and blue one. The red pill disrupts the virtual reality interface humans are connected to and you wake up in a futuristic, dystopic world far less pleasant than the one you're in now. The blue one erases your memory of the past few hours and you forget any other world exists. The incel world sees the old fashioned notion of sugar and spice and everything nice as the delusional world you should want to escape from. The blue pill. The red pill is the reality that women are any number of unpleasant things. I see it as swapping one sexist stereotype for another. All princesses or all shrews. The problem with so many oversimplifications is that there's a grain of truth behind them. Conniving, materialistic women surely exist. Real sweethearts do too. As do everything in between and shrews that can be sweet as pie on their better days and princesses that lose their minds at times. A good red pill is someone who recognizes some of the common, less welcome traits found in (mostly American) women. These traits can be caused by puritanical tradition, backlash against objectifying past and current behavior of men and media, and outright mental illness. They get mixed with better traits everyone loves. It's not misogynist to have a realistic outlook that women are flawed creatures. Every single one of them, with varying degrees of dysfunction. Fully acknowledging the exact same realistic outlook applies to the fellas. Red pill misogynists focus on the complaints of the misandrist women (commonly synonymous in their world with feminists) producing the us versus them dynamic being lamented here. Misandrist women lament the flaws of men as if tolerating flaws is asking too much, when it's the only option there is and the sense of entitlement is unbecoming and thoroughly repulsive (literally, not emotionally.) Much of the behavior of red pill misogynists (recalling that realism need not result in misogyny) is fairly rational if you carry their mistaken assumptions to logical extremes. Also of note are incels who try desperately to pair up with women, fail and secretly hate their heterosexuality and the refusers that inspire romantic and erotic longings. Refusers, gently or cruelly, cause frustration and pain all while they cannot be expected to "take one for the team" to avoid damaging men's egos. That said, the scorn heaped upon romantically unsuccessful men from both the women they woo and more successful men rubs salt in the wounds and produces worrisome anger, which is often held in yet more contempt. The observation that no one is entitled to sex is taken as an axiom. For those men on the lowest end of looks, intellect, or charm, this can come across as taunting and is a mental torture they endure. Not only have they not found love, they never will and the universe is working exactly as expected. What can be done about these hapless fellows, I'm not sure, but I feel I have good horse sense and a sympathetic heart to concern myself with their plight. |
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Post by petrushka on Aug 4, 2020 18:15:21 GMT -5
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Post by Handy on Mar 29, 2021 23:36:34 GMT -5
This video is about being too accommodating. Videos show up as black rectangles on my computer, so I am posting the Youtube title.
Maybe too academic but some good advice. Also the titles are misleading to me.
Jordan Peterson: Why Do Nice Guys Nice Finish Last? (Nice guys/gals in this case + too accommodating)
Jordan Peterson: Why some men can't get women (Ways to develop an emotional relationship)
Jordan Peterson: Women always reject these men (Life is a learning process, avoiding making the same mistakes)
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Post by jerri on Apr 20, 2021 23:52:31 GMT -5
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 21, 2021 8:24:09 GMT -5
“Believe it or not, I have been well behaved enough to never make sexual advances to a woman with whom I wasn't close friends, and who had
not made advances to me.. “
Huh? It’s fine to make advances on women who aren’t close friends or who haven’t made a pass at you. What’s not fine is to coerce a woman into sex.
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Post by isthisit on Apr 21, 2021 16:48:43 GMT -5
“Believe it or not, I have been well behaved enough to never make sexual advances to a woman with whom I wasn't close friends, and who had not made advances to me.. “ Huh? It’s fine to make advances on women who aren’t close friends or who haven’t made a pass at you. What’s not fine is to coerce a woman into sex. I agree wholeheartedly, but gentleman please make it subtle. I had an uncomfortable experience in a hot tub of all places recently. I thought it was an inappropriate place to hit on someone. Maybe I am over sensitive. |
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Post by jerri on Apr 22, 2021 2:02:47 GMT -5
It's too tough for men. We have to give them some slack because it's not easy to ask a woman out. he has to look for signs that he should make a move before another guy gets her... The list goes on....
They can't second guess if we will be offended. I would hate to be a guy getting shot down by women. I just try to be polite no matter how cheesey the pick-up line is. I say I am flattered then tell them the truth. Well, I lie because I can't tell them I live in a sexless wasteland😂 it's too embarrassing. When I had a profile it explained that I was sexless M. I don't know if men say they are sexless in their profiles.
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 22, 2021 5:39:48 GMT -5
It's too tough for men. We have to give them some slack because it's not easy to ask a woman out. he has to look for signs that he should make a move before another guy gets her... The list goes on.... They can't second guess if we will be offended. I would hate to be a guy getting shot down by women. I just try to be polite no matter how cheesey the pick-up line is. I say I am flattered then tell them the truth. Well, I lie because I can't tell them I live in a sexless wasteland😂 it's too embarrassing. When I had a profile it explained that I was sexless M. I don't know if men say they are sexless in their profiles. It's not too tough, but it sure as hell ain't easy, at least not for me. Men get used to refusals. It starts in high school for most of us. I wish I had a crisp $20 for every time I have been declined by a female. I could take a year off and visit Europe. Fortunately most males don't take it personally. Like the good pollinators we are we just proceed to the next flower. As for putting out info on being in a SM I don't do it and haven't seen it in other men's profiles. Once a bit of dating takes place or if asked specifically about sex by a potential partner then I might reveal this tidbit, or I might just say we had different views on what the right level of intimacy was. It just depends. One thing I did do when I had a profile up was to make sure I specifically stated that intimacy was important to me, and if it wasn't important to the woman viewing my profile then I probably wasn't a good fit for her. Hopefully that pushed away the women just looking to date or have a pen pal. |
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