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Post by saarinista on Jul 15, 2020 10:53:12 GMT -5
Definitely bad.
But.... all of us have to be ready to leave abusive situations to protect OURSELVES.
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Post by Handy on Jul 15, 2020 16:21:27 GMT -5
Worksforme2 So he pays her a grand a month.............
I would say that woman is evil.
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Post by isthisit on Jul 15, 2020 16:28:37 GMT -5
One of my younger brothers is in a SM. Maybe one of the worst I have come to know about. His W has refused him intimacy since before the marriage. So why did he marry her? It seems they attended the same church and the pastor upon learning they were sexually active insisted they marry or leave the church. My brother takes his faith pretty seriously so he allowed himself to be bullied into the marriage. Once the vows were spoken the sex stopped. His new W had shared an apartment with another woman for some years. The roommate fell ill for an extended time so the new W didn't want to leave her. This went on for some time. Eventually the new W came clean and told my brother she had no intentions of living with him. Seems she cared for her roomie far more. Then she announced if he tried to divorce her she would take him for all he was worth. A lawyer confirmed she could do exactly that. So he pays her a grand a month and she is content to leave the house and his retirement alone for now. My personal opinion is that she was bisexual all along and saw my brother as an easy mark. Gosh what a piece of work. There are stories here you just could not make up and that’s a Bobby Dazzler. A grand per month for wearing a ring? Poor guy, I am sorry to hear about it. I’m with you worksforme2 my sense is this post could also find a home on the how many of you are here because your spouse is gay thread.
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Post by tiredoftears on Jul 15, 2020 17:41:37 GMT -5
Worksforme2 So he pays her a grand a month.............I would say that woman is evil. Or terrified to come out as gay.....
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 15, 2020 18:15:24 GMT -5
Definitely bad. But.... all of us have to be ready to leave abusive situations to protect OURSELVES. I am sure he would love to be able to leave the situation far behind him. Unfortunately it would be at a far greater price than he is willing to pay. Half of everything would go to her. Although she never contributed to his state pension, never lived with him in the home he owns, half of his soc. sec. income and I am sure anything else she can think of. Antiquated divorce laws always go against males. At least when he dies she will not be able to get any pension monies or soc. sec,. He spends all his income so he won't have any savings she can go after. He drives an old beater car so she won't get much there. And If he sees the end coming I feel sure he will sell or give away everything not nailed to the floor.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 15, 2020 18:19:41 GMT -5
Worksforme2 So he pays her a grand a month.............I would say that woman is evil. Or terrified to come out as gay..... I expect those that know her are probably aware of her sexual orientation. So I doubt it matters much to anyone that she prefers her female roomie to her male husband.
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Post by Handy on Jul 15, 2020 19:05:58 GMT -5
worksforme2, would he consider moving to some state that has more favorable divorce laws?
I know retired people that change their state of residency to lower their income tax liabilities. They rent a mail box at a mail-box farm like in a state of South Dakota. The mail-box far throws away the junk mail and only sends the good mail to where ever they live for a week or month.
Some times a lawyer is needed, like when a person buys a $100,000 motor home and the state charges 6% sales tax. If the person is a registered resident of my state, the title / bill of sale goes to a dealer in my state and no sales tax is paid.
People do this if a state levies a tax on a person's stock or mutual fund holdings. I moved from a state that taxed my investment holdings in a retirement fund. Where I live now, there is no tax on investment holdings.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 15, 2020 19:21:24 GMT -5
worksforme2, would he consider moving to some state that has more favorable divorce laws?
I know retired people that change their state of residency to lower their income tax liabilities. They rent a mail box at a mail-box farm like in a state of South Dakota. The mail-box far throws away the junk mail and only sends the good mail to where ever they live for a week or month.
I talked to him about doing just that but he doesn't want to do it. His house is old and small so he would not get much for it. I gave him several options, like buying a motor home or a small house boat since he is down to one pet now. But he doesn't seem interested.
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Post by baza on Jul 15, 2020 22:16:15 GMT -5
This anecdote about your brother sure does show the "choice = consequence" equation pretty starkly Brother worksforme2 .
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 16, 2020 7:24:28 GMT -5
This anecdote about your brother sure does show the "choice = consequence" equation pretty starkly Brother worksforme2 . Indeed it does. In hind sight my brother now sees some of the warning signs he should have seen early on. Things like her reluctance to leave her long time roomie to live with him prior to the wedding. But an accomplished scam artist can fool even the wary. My brother thought the religious compatibility and her seemingly open minded approach to sex was just the ticket. Unfortunately the ticket he purchased was a 1 way trip to hell instead of martial bliss.
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DrNo
Junior Member
Posts: 52
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by DrNo on Jul 26, 2020 8:24:15 GMT -5
One of my younger brothers is in a SM. Maybe one of the worst I have come to know about. His W has refused him intimacy since before the marriage. So why did he marry her? It seems they attended the same church and the pastor upon learning they were sexually active insisted they marry or leave the church. My brother takes his faith pretty seriously so he allowed himself to be bullied into the marriage. Once the vows were spoken the sex stopped. His new W had shared an apartment with another woman for some years. The roommate fell ill for an extended time so the new W didn't want to leave her. This went on for some time. Eventually the new W came clean and told my brother she had no intentions of living with him. Seems she cared for her roomie far more. Then she announced if he tried to divorce her she would take him for all he was worth. A lawyer confirmed she could do exactly that. So he pays her a grand a month and she is content to leave the house and his retirement alone for now. My personal opinion is that she was bisexual all along and saw my brother as an easy mark. Brother, I can only pass on my friend Rob's approach. He was in a very similar position with a wife who clearly attached herself to a man that could make money and keep her in a life she would never have had. Of course they never had sex, he told us many times she just switched off when they tied the knot. I will not bore you with detail other than to say Rob "woke up", and told us very close friends he had a ten year plan. He slowly moved his business profits every year into protected accounts, via cash, in a name that was not his. He worked his business to the point that on paper it was going to go bang, he also mortgaged the house up, and then came that day he told us all .... he was going to divorce is wife. No kids. He owned a carpet company. She was paid right up to the day the lawyer papers arrived .. she never got a penny. There was no money on paper. The only thing he did was give her enough money for a deposit on a house. His three closest mates, us, all supported him, as we had seen his situation unfold over the years. Jump forward, he now has a lovely wife, two stunning children, a massively thriving business, and of course a world that is far cry from the leech that attached itself to him in his early 20s. He's a very happy soul these days and of course the business was only a success because of him.
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sunnysean
Junior Member
Posts: 59
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by sunnysean on Jul 26, 2020 15:09:27 GMT -5
My wife has a bizarre approach to making sure our issue doesn’t go public. When the topic of sex comes up.. she complements me and how great I am in bed. I know it doesn’t make sense... but I’m sure our friends think we screw like rabbits. I’ve even caught her telling one of her friends how I can last so long! (And she is always telling me to hurry up, and “are you done yet?”)
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Post by saarinista on Jul 26, 2020 15:13:59 GMT -5
My wife has a bizarre approach to making sure our issue doesn’t go public. When the topic of sex comes up.. she complements me and how great I am in bed. I know it doesn’t make sense... but I’m sure our friends think we screw like rabbits. I’ve even caught her telling one of her friends how I can last so long! (And she is always telling me to hurry up, and “are you done yet?”) I guess that tells you she will probably never face facts honestly in private either.
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Post by jamesbonding on Jul 27, 2020 2:39:31 GMT -5
My wife has a bizarre approach to making sure our issue doesn’t go public. When the topic of sex comes up.. she complements me and how great I am in bed. I know it doesn’t make sense... but I’m sure our friends think we screw like rabbits. I’ve even caught her telling one of her friends how I can last so long! (And she is always telling me to hurry up, and “are you done yet?”) I'm imagining a conversation between sunnysean and W as they are driving home: Sean: "I heard you telling So-and-so that I'm great in bed. So how come we haven't made love even once in the last six months?" W: "..." Sean: "Oh, I never asked? Huh, I didn't realize that! Ok, I'm asking right now. How about tonight?" W: "..." Sean: "Ok, how about tomorrow night?" W: "..." Sean: "Ok, when CAN we have a date?" W: "..." Sean: "This weekend? Ok, what day? What time? Morning, afternoon, evening?" W: "..." Sean: "Ok, are you sure that time is OK? You don't have anything else scheduled? You won't be tired from something you did the day before?" W: "..." Sean: "Ok, I'll mark that time on our calendar."
Friday sometime: Sean: "Is our date for tomorrow still on?" W: "..." Sean: "Oh, your mom is coming to stay with us for a few days? I suppose you two will be talking late into the night. How about we have our date whenever you wake up Sunday morning?" Etc. When you get a new date, mark it on the calendar with an arrow to show how it was rescheduled.
It's also possible she would admit that she doesn't like having sex with you or sleeping with you, etc. Then the conversation could go something like this: Sean: "Well, thank you for being honest with me. This isn't a happy situation, is it? I don't want to force you to be with me if you don't want to. That would be no fun for either of us. What do you want to do? Do you want to divorce?" If she doesn't want to divorce, but doesn't want to have sex with you either, you could say: "Well, then you shouldn't mind if I find another woman who would like to spend some time with me. You won't have to have sex with me ever again, if you don't want to. And you can do whatever you like - find a boyfriend, or be celibate, as you please!"
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Post by saarinista on Jul 27, 2020 2:47:34 GMT -5
Thank you! I'm so tired of of refusers who play kindergarten games, acting like we haven't noticed that they expect us to be celibate like them without prior approval!
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