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Post by flashjohn on Jul 29, 2020 15:12:10 GMT -5
One of my younger brothers is in a SM. Maybe one of the worst I have come to know about. His W has refused him intimacy since before the marriage. So why did he marry her? It seems they attended the same church and the pastor upon learning they were sexually active insisted they marry or leave the church. My brother takes his faith pretty seriously so he allowed himself to be bullied into the marriage. Once the vows were spoken the sex stopped. His new W had shared an apartment with another woman for some years. The roommate fell ill for an extended time so the new W didn't want to leave her. This went on for some time. Eventually the new W came clean and told my brother she had no intentions of living with him. Seems she cared for her roomie far more. Then she announced if he tried to divorce her she would take him for all he was worth. A lawyer confirmed she could do exactly that. So he pays her a grand a month and she is content to leave the house and his retirement alone for now. My personal opinion is that she was bisexual all along and saw my brother as an easy mark. Um, I don't do family law anymore, but this sounds like an obvious fraudulent marriage. In Texas, if a couple has never lived together, the marriage can be annulled. If I was you, I would advise him to see another lawyer.
Another option would be to liquidate everything he has and give it to a charity he trusts, wait a year and declare bankruptcy, divorce the bitch, then apply for aid from the charity.
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Post by flashjohn on Jul 29, 2020 15:16:38 GMT -5
I answered honestly - " I haven't seen them". Cue jaws dropping and niece exclaiming " But that was years ago!", to which I could only respond with a shoulder shrug. Technically, I wasn't totally truthful, as I was present for the surgery , all followup appointments and helped with dressing changes, etc. But the end result? Haven't seen them. Anyway, my wife had no reaction at all. None. Didn't try to laugh it off or even throw out a " We're old!" joke. Nothing. I have no idea what goes through her mind in these situations. On a positive note, this conversation didn't seem to dampen the mood (aside from mine). The last of our company left mid-day Sunday, and she's been her usual self since. She shows no sign of being upset, embarrassed or aggravated with me. Weird. My friend, when I finally started being open with friends about my ExRefuser's actions, all of them were shocked. When I told them it had been over 6 years, they were even more shocked that I had stayed with her so long. My ExRefuser never had a bit of shame or regret. She honestly did not care at all. Sound familiar?
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Post by saarinista on Jul 29, 2020 16:39:46 GMT -5
One of my younger brothers is in a SM. Maybe one of the worst I have come to know about. His W has refused him intimacy since before the marriage. So why did he marry her? It seems they attended the same church and the pastor upon learning they were sexually active insisted they marry or leave the church. My brother takes his faith pretty seriously so he allowed himself to be bullied into the marriage. Once the vows were spoken the sex stopped. His new W had shared an apartment with another woman for some years. The roommate fell ill for an extended time so the new W didn't want to leave her. This went on for some time. Eventually the new W came clean and told my brother she had no intentions of living with him. Seems she cared for her roomie far more. Then she announced if he tried to divorce her she would take him for all he was worth. A lawyer confirmed she could do exactly that. So he pays her a grand a month and she is content to leave the house and his retirement alone for now. My personal opinion is that she was bisexual all along and saw my brother as an easy mark. Um, I don't do family law anymore, but this sounds like an obvious fraudulent marriage. In Texas, if a couple has never lived together, the marriage can be annulled. If I was you, I would advise him to see another lawyer.
Another option would be to liquidate everything he has and give it to a charity he trusts, wait a year and declare bankruptcy, divorce the bitch, then apply for aid from the charity.
Question is there such a thing as a civil annulment? I thought that was only for Catholics. IME, marriage is an purely ecomonic and social contract to establish who gets billed for the kids, who is responsible for debts, and who must pay what for one of the spouses if the civil marriage ends. No sexual responsibility is implied, IME. As for the charity aid thing you mentioned, I, as a former non profit manager, must say that would be totally illegal to do what you suggest. Again, I'm sure you were joking. 😉
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Post by flashjohn on Jul 29, 2020 16:57:34 GMT -5
Question is there such a thing as a civil annulment? I thought that was only for Catholics. IME, marriage is an purely ecomonic and social contract to establish who gets billed for the kids, who is responsible for debts, and who must pay what for one of the spouses if the civil marriage ends. No sexual responsibility is implied, IME. As for the charity aid thing you mentioned, I, as a former non profit manager, must say that would be totally illegal to do what you suggest. Again, I'm sure you were joking. 😉 Yes. Texas law allows for legal annulments.
And of course I was joking about the nonprofit silly!
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 30, 2020 9:46:55 GMT -5
Indeed it does. In hind sight my brother now sees some of the warning signs he should have seen early on. Things like her reluctance to leave her long time roomie to live with him prior to the wedding. But an accomplished scam artist can fool even the wary. My brother thought the religious compatibility and her seemingly open minded approach to sex was just the ticket. Unfortunately the ticket he purchased was a 1 way trip to hell instead of martial bliss. Out of wild curiosity: How did the pastor become involved or even know about this? Did she run crying to preacher (in a ploy to trap your brother) or did one of the nosy pew-warmers rat them out? I ask my brother this question this morning. It's actually none of the above. Turns out the pressure was just the basic dogma of his faith regarding pre-martial sex. Add to this my brother actually though he was in love. Later he realized he wasn't. And I guess he thought since they did so many activities like hiking, biking and camping as singles it would be better and more convenient if they were married. Some good news is that she has mellowed in the yrs. since separating. She has agreed to a divorce and is only asking for a continuation of the monthly monies, but she agreed to $800 and will forgo 1/2 the house and his retirement funds. Papers are filed and awaiting a judges signature.
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Post by saarinista on Jul 30, 2020 10:47:01 GMT -5
Yah! Maybe she's decided to live a more authentic, Christlike and kinder life. Good to hear about your brother. Wishing him all the best too. 👍🏼
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Post by mirrororchid on Aug 4, 2020 7:13:45 GMT -5
My wife has a bizarre approach to making sure our issue doesn’t go public. When the topic of sex comes up.. she complements me and how great I am in bed. I know it doesn’t make sense... but I’m sure our friends think we screw like rabbits. I’ve even caught her telling one of her friends how I can last so long! (And she is always telling me to hurry up, and “are you done yet?”) Whip out your cell phone, turn on the video recorder, huddle up to her for the selfie, squeeze her tight, kiss her cheek, and say "Repeat what you just said, honey." Perfect Tinder ad. How can your wife possibly let such sexual prowess go to waste? It'd be a crime against humanity.
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 5, 2020 18:47:05 GMT -5
sunnnysean said: My wife has a bizarre approach to making sure our issue doesn’t go public. When the topic of sex comes up.. she complements me and how great I am in bed. I know it doesn’t make sense... but I’m sure our friends think we screw like rabbits. I’ve even caught her telling one of her friends how I can last so long! (And she is always telling me to hurry up, and “are you done yet?”
Her approach works because you don't bother to call her on it.
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Post by snowman12345 on Aug 5, 2020 20:03:57 GMT -5
My good friend since high school stopped me in the store a few months back. He seemed really distraught about his current marriage and wanted to have a conversation about it right there in the canned goods. I talked him into going to dinner that night and we did indeed have a long conversation. Seems he was in a SM with his current wife (number 3). His track record was none too good - first wife was a real bitch that fooled around on him. His second wife was a mail order bride from the Philippines who left him as soon as she got stateside. Third wife seemed ok, but he said they had not had any sexual or romantic relationship in a few years and he was at his wits end. Oh yeah, they had had the talk, she confessed to having a boyfriend and wanted to leave. She said she wouldn't leave until their son was out of school. I did say to him that whatever he decided to do was his choice and I explained the choices as I saw them - you know - stay and suffer, stay and cheat or go. He asked what would I do - and I spilled about my own SM and that I had chosen the stay and cheat option. He seemed a bit surprised (my wife was also a classmate). A couple of weeks later he started seeing my cousin (also a classmate BTW). Later the wife and I went to dinner with them and I was scared spitless that he would spill the beans about my own affair. My wife grilled him about what was going on in his marriage and he told her all about it. She thought current wife was an ass and he should leave her! A short time later he broke up with my cousin and went back to his wife. When I get the rest of the story I'll post it. Conversations about the SM are not a normal thing - but they tend to be a bit bizarre when they do happen.
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Post by worksforme2 on Aug 6, 2020 9:22:58 GMT -5
Good to see you again snowman,...it's been so long I thought you had gone the way of Frosty and melted away in the summer heat. Your fear of being outed is partly why when I considered outsourcing for myself I 1st had conversations with my then W. about it. Honesty is a big thing for me and I didn't want her or anyone else who might learn of it to then perceive of me as a cheater. if she knew and went along then it really wasn't cheating. But instead she opted for a 3 month reset and then went back to saying no to intimacy. It's interesting re: the conversations I had with my then W. She wasn't a bit upset or angry by my broaching the possibility of having another person in the relationship. She was quite calm about it but adamant in her refusal for it happening. My argument that it relieved her of the heavy burden of continued quarterly sex with me carried no weight. Your W's opinion that his W was an a** comes across as righteous indignation and not really sympathy for his situation.
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Post by saarinista on Aug 6, 2020 12:56:19 GMT -5
The truth should set us free...
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Post by snowman12345 on Aug 8, 2020 6:28:52 GMT -5
The truth should set us free... The truth for one, may be someone else's lie...
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Post by snowman12345 on Aug 8, 2020 6:34:27 GMT -5
Good to see you again snowman,...it's been so long I thought you had gone the way of Frosty and melted away in the summer heat. Your fear of being outed is partly why when I considered outsourcing for myself I 1st had conversations with my then W. about it. Honesty is a big thing for me and I didn't want her or anyone else who might learn of it to then perceive of me as a cheater. if she knew and went along then it really wasn't cheating. But instead she opted for a 3 month reset and then went back to saying no to intimacy. It's interesting re: the conversations I had with my then W. She wasn't a bit upset or angry by my broaching the possibility of having another person in the relationship. She was quite calm about it but adamant in her refusal for it happening. My argument that it relieved her of the heavy burden of continued quarterly sex with me carried no weight. Your W's opinion that his W was an a** comes across as righteous indignation and not really sympathy for his situation. My wife's sympathy reservoir is quite shallow, especially when you don't follow her direction... But, in her defense, her work sucks most of the sympathy out of her.
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