Post by timeforliving2 on May 29, 2020 12:56:18 GMT -5
I am sort of making my wife jealous, but it is just slightly. I'm staying with her and not going anywhere, so there is no point in pissing her off. But to keep my sanity, I will try to meet and make friends with more women, for my sake. As long as my wife knows that I'm not a total loser and have some females who enjoy my company, she'll hopefully feel some urge to keep me happy. Our marriage has become sexless when she reached menopause, I guess it is a good milestone for her. But she has been better at intimacy lately. We've been together for 26 years, and we love each other, really. I really cannot justify leaving. So giving an ultimatum is much too risky for the marriage. If the wife doesn't want much attention, why not give more to friends. The key to being happy is to not think about the bad part of life and being thankful for the good things in life. I'm hoping this ILIASM deal will work itself out in the future. Good luck with getting closer, emotionally and physically, to your wife.
lwoetin ... Perhaps your marriage relationship is in overall better shape than I thought (other than the SM part). But two comments you made jump out at me and they raise the issue of how important good communication is in a relationship: (1) "So giving an ultimatum is much too risky for the marriage.", and (2) "I'm hoping this ILIASM deal will work itself out in the future."
In response to those two comments you made, I would say...KEEP discussing the issue... and how it affects BOTH of you (individually)... AND your marriage relationship. Treat your marriage relationship as a separate "thing". You (or your spouse / partner) can't expect to get much out of it if you don't put much into it. You cannot merely "hope" that things will get better. Also, don't use the word "ultimatum" in talking about it. Your marriage relationship is a separate thing, and it has to work for BOTH people. If it's not working in a significant way for ANY ONE of the people, then it might be a DEALBREAKER... IF the problem does not get resolved IN THE LONG RUN. So it's not an ultimatum... it's just a reality of how a 2-person relationship works... or doesn't work.
Since this issue has been going on for YEARS, it needs to be discussed / worked on until it is resolved to BOTH of your satisfaction. If you can't work this out on your own, then a third party (counselor) WILL be needed. If that cannot work, THEN it's certainly REASONABLE to "take a break" for a while (and the action of "taking a break" will be about as big of a sign as you can get that this is a *serious* issue). SOME PEOPLE will not change UNLESS they get a big enough kick in the butt / incentive to change. And don't worry about "what she may think"... because: (1) you certainly have a right to stand up for your needs in a 2-person relationship (otherwise the other person controls everything and you're effectively "a push over"), and (2) If she does in fact change, she will know that she was in the wrong and/or NEEDED to change... and then the relationship WILL be better and she will be amazed by how you are treating her EVEN BETTER.