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Post by ironhamster on Jul 24, 2019 1:41:33 GMT -5
My ex had a fear of getting pregnant, but, she had plenty of other excuses, too.
After my vasectomy, sex took off. We had sex as often as two times a week. I was elated that I had finally found the secret to a better sex life with my ex. I think that lasted until her first period afterward, then we went back to our version of normal.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jul 26, 2019 15:53:31 GMT -5
deadzone75 Is it possible she has convinced herself the main reason she doesn't like sex with you is due to a fear of getting pregnant? I'm only mentioning this because I noticed a few asexual people discussing how the idea of getting pregnant is a massive issue for them. It took my husband an insanely long time to understand his fear of impregnating me was only part of his aversion to sex in general. I've been 'making' him tell me the truth lately. It's exhausting, draining and at times just annoying but I am finding a kind of freedom in demanding truth. It's also been eye opening to hear what has been going on in his head during our near 30yr relationship. He is also feeling some relief in finally being honest. The only way to find out why your wife has done this is to ask her straight out what her reasoning was/is. Something else that caught my attention this morning is this quote from an unknown source, "You either say how you feel and fuck it up or say nothing and let it fuck you up instead". I asked her what the point was in getting it, as we never have sex, and she said she figured it was easier than using condoms (she knows I don't like them). As far as her being afraid of pregnancy, she's probably not...at least not by me. Last time we had sex, I used the pull-out method. Doubtful she would have allowed that if she was afraid of pregnancy.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jul 26, 2019 15:58:06 GMT -5
Well, due to discomfort, she's getting it taken out already. She's been complaining since the day she got it, and though I am sympathetic (I don't want her to be in pain), I very directly told her to get the thing out, and that it was ridiculous to even get it in the first place. She agreed. What an absolutely unnecessary experience.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 26, 2019 16:40:29 GMT -5
Well, due to discomfort, she's getting it taken out already. She's been complaining since the day she got it, and though I am sympathetic (I don't want her to be in pain), I very directly told her to get the thing out, and that it was ridiculous to even get it in the first place. She agreed. What an absolutely unnecessary experience. This blows my theory out of the water. Now I'm flummoxed as to why she had the implant to begin with.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jul 26, 2019 17:12:42 GMT -5
Well, due to discomfort, she's getting it taken out already. She's been complaining since the day she got it, and though I am sympathetic (I don't want her to be in pain), I very directly told her to get the thing out, and that it was ridiculous to even get it in the first place. She agreed. What an absolutely unnecessary experience. This blows my theory out of the water. Now I'm flummoxed as to why she had the implant to begin with. I guess now she could potentially have an ironclad excuse for no more sex, ever. "My cervix is permanently damaged, sorry".
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Post by saarinista on Jul 27, 2019 17:59:29 GMT -5
This blows my theory out of the water. Now I'm flummoxed as to why she had the implant to begin with. I guess now she could potentially have an ironclad excuse for no more sex, ever. "My cervix is permanently damaged, sorry". I would not think her cervix would be damaged permanently from this, and even if it was, I'm sure plenty of women have sex with damaged cervixes. I didn't even think you could remove an IUD on your own. For my part, I would go to a doctor if I needed that Don but whatever maybe they have new kinds now. I don't know. The whole thing is very weird and all I can say is: get marriage counseling. This is strange. And seriously I mean I would say she should see a doctor about this to make sure there's no infection or anything like that.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jul 27, 2019 18:15:11 GMT -5
I guess now she could potentially have an ironclad excuse for no more sex, ever. "My cervix is permanently damaged, sorry". I would not think her cervix would be damaged permanently from this, and even if it was, I'm sure plenty of women have sex with damaged cervixes. I didn't even think you could remove an IUD on your own. For my part, I would go to a doctor if I needed that Don but whatever maybe they have new kinds now. I don't know. The whole thing is very weird and all I can say is: get marriage counseling. This is strange. And seriously I mean I would say she should see a doctor about this to make sure there's no infection or anything like that. She is going to a doctor next week to have it removed. She went yesterday, but the doctor couldn't get it out, so she has to go to a different doctor who can use an ultrasound to make sure they don't cause any damage in there.
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Post by baza on Jul 27, 2019 19:05:41 GMT -5
I would put good money on the outcome here being - "damage being done in the procedure to remove the device, such damage requiring the cessation of sex for the indefinite future".
If you wanted, you could accompany her to the Doc's, and the removal procedure, and hear exactly what the Doc says afterward (rather than relying on what your missus said the Doc said).
But it is highly unlikely to make an iota's difference to your marital dynamic.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 27, 2019 21:46:09 GMT -5
Dead zone said: “Last time we had sex, I used the pull-out method. Doubtful she would have allowed that if she was afraid of pregnancy. ”
That’s s crappy way to have sex. Not only does it have a high risk of causing a pregnancy but it takes lots of the pleasure out of sex.
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Post by saarinista on Jul 27, 2019 22:32:34 GMT -5
Agreed with northstarmom. Withdrawal is a very poor way of preventing pregnancy. And not any fun, either. 😢
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Post by deadzone75 on Jul 27, 2019 22:45:09 GMT -5
Dead zone said: “Last time we had sex, I used the pull-out method. Doubtful she would have allowed that if she was afraid of pregnancy. ” That’s s crappy way to have sex. Not only does it have a high risk of causing a pregnancy but it takes lots of the pleasure out of sex. Yeah, it's pretty much teasing followed by masturbation.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jul 27, 2019 22:50:58 GMT -5
I would put good money on the outcome here being - "damage being done in the procedure to remove the device, such damage requiring the cessation of sex for the indefinite future". If you wanted, you could accompany her to the Doc's, and the removal procedure, and hear exactly what the Doc says afterward (rather than relying on what your missus said the Doc said). But it is highly unlikely to make an iota's difference to your marital dynamic. Going with her is a good idea; I hadn't thought of that. True it won't change anything in the marriage, but at least she'll still have to stumble for her excuses. I guess I'll never know her true intention with the device, but it seems a pretty extreme way to go about creating an ironclad excuse to remove any hope of sex for the rest of our days together. But...clever in it's own way.
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Post by baza on Jul 28, 2019 16:58:23 GMT -5
Here's the thing. The refuser doesn't need to construct an elaborate excuse .... any excuse will do, even the lamest.
Have you ever heard her excuse, considered it, discounted it, and then forced yourself upon her anyway ? I am betting the answer to that is "no".
Any excuse will do. And "no" - however it is communicated to you - means "no".
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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 28, 2019 22:37:59 GMT -5
Depending on your partner the pull out method can be fun and enjoyable for both parties. Who said the man had to finish himself, why not the woman/receiver "finish the job". I believe mrslowmaintenance can speak to this.
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Post by flashjohn on Jul 30, 2019 16:39:30 GMT -5
Going with her is a good idea; I hadn't thought of that. True it won't change anything in the marriage, but at least she'll still have to stumble for her excuses. I guess I'll never know her true intention with the device, but it seems a pretty extreme way to go about creating an ironclad excuse to remove any hope of sex for the rest of our days together. But...clever in it's own way. Get a vasectomy. If she really wants things to improve, she will be supportive. I had one in 2002. It was one of the smartest things I ever did.
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