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Post by deadzone75 on Jul 30, 2019 17:24:12 GMT -5
Going with her is a good idea; I hadn't thought of that. True it won't change anything in the marriage, but at least she'll still have to stumble for her excuses. I guess I'll never know her true intention with the device, but it seems a pretty extreme way to go about creating an ironclad excuse to remove any hope of sex for the rest of our days together. But...clever in it's own way. Get a vasectomy. If she really wants things to improve, she will be supportive. I had one in 2002. It was one of the smartest things I ever did. Nobody will ever snip inside my junk. It makes me shiver just thinking about it. I suppose if I had an active sex life, it would make some sense, but there's really no more of a need for me to get a vasectomy than there was for her to get an implant.
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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 30, 2019 17:35:34 GMT -5
Get a vasectomy. If she really wants things to improve, she will be supportive. I had one in 2002. It was one of the smartest things I ever did. Nobody will ever snip inside my junk. It makes me shiver just thinking about it. I suppose if I had an active sex life, it would make some sense, but there's really no more of a need for me to get a vasectomy than there was for her to get an implant. If you outsource, then it eliminates the risk. I suspect potential partners would find it attractive.
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Post by nyctos on Jul 30, 2019 17:53:24 GMT -5
Sex from someone who doesn't want to have sex with you, will make you hate yourself and sex. Takes a few times to realize that's where it has landed. t. Absolutely. I had sex with my wife maybe once after I realized she really was just trying to avoid it and delay it at all costs. Now of I even get close to her she preemptively refuses, like when she told me it was too hot for sex and I should try in winter (this was back in May, by the way). She even got angry with me because we had some foreign visitors who asked me what I liked about my wife, and I told them. No, she wasn't mad because I gave them physical features. She was mad that I admitted I liked her at all. Apparently when they asked if II liked her I was supposed to say, "sort of..." Note that she wasn't actually present for that conversation either, she just heard about it later. Argh, sorry -- got locked in my own thoughts again. Really just wanted to say that sex with someone who actually doesn't wanted sucks, and not just because the sex itself isn't good but also because it makes you feel like shit. I honestly don't know how people go to prostitutes. Anyway, in other news I started looking up divorce lawyers and finding more about the process in my state.
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Post by flashjohn on Jul 31, 2019 9:48:12 GMT -5
Get a vasectomy. If she really wants things to improve, she will be supportive. I had one in 2002. It was one of the smartest things I ever did. Nobody will ever snip inside my junk. It makes me shiver just thinking about it. I suppose if I had an active sex life, it would make some sense, but there's really no more of a need for me to get a vasectomy than there was for her to get an implant. You might have an active sex life one day. You never know.
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Post by Apocrypha on Aug 1, 2019 9:52:31 GMT -5
Really just wanted to say that sex with someone who actually doesn't wanted sucks, and not just because the sex itself isn't good but also because it makes you feel like shit. Ya, it was helpful for me to finally hover on that thought for a while, and be mindful to how I felt before, during, and after. Having sex with someone who doesn't want to with you, ends up changing the nature of the sex, and can end up being very confusing and upsetting in the longer run. It gives you what you think you want, and what you asked for - but it does so in a way that ensures it falls short of the connection you desire. In fact, it starkly illustrates the disconnection - it ends up feeling like "a trick" or a "performance". Listen closely during your fights about intimacy, and that language will come up. It's about "giving you" sex, rather than wanting it or having it. And it's about the struggle to ensure you have "enough" of it, to satisfy your rutting appetites. Eventually, their own acquiesence to the bad sex they ensure it is, becomes a club with which to beat you with in a later fight (showing they are the hero here). Even worse, the bad, disconnected sex, serves to prove to themselves, the level of the disconnection they have. Even when performed lovingly or in a spirit of giving and charity - it ends up feeling in both roles - giver and receiver - like a loving biological function - like changing a baby's diaper. All intimacy dissipates eventually if you initiate it, because it "leads to sex" and they will not want to "send the wrong message". Or, if they initiate non-sexual intimacy (cuddling), then this becomes a great pretext to blame you and train you to eventually cooperate into not seeking sex, even when in comforting non-sexual intimate situations, which is the reality of the relationship. It leads you to feel passive, defeated, and subservient to your partner's whims, and to your own body's needs. In fact, it's pretty common to develop a sense of resentment or disgust at one's own normal or even nominal sexual appetite, and can take quite a while to untangle that.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 11, 2019 13:27:21 GMT -5
Well, due to discomfort, she's getting it taken out already. She's been complaining since the day she got it, and though I am sympathetic (I don't want her to be in pain), I very directly told her to get the thing out, and that it was ridiculous to even get it in the first place. She agreed. What an absolutely unnecessary experience. It's been a few weeks now, so what's the latest? My guess is......Avoidance. She is content to "not even go there anymore, and shows zero signs of wanting it with anyone else either!"
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 11, 2019 18:00:51 GMT -5
Well, due to discomfort, she's getting it taken out already. She's been complaining since the day she got it, and though I am sympathetic (I don't want her to be in pain), I very directly told her to get the thing out, and that it was ridiculous to even get it in the first place. She agreed. What an absolutely unnecessary experience. It's been a few weeks now, so what's the latest? My guess is......Avoidance. She is content to "not even go there anymore, and shows zero signs of wanting it with anyone else either!" Well, she had the device removed, and a few days later said she felt perfectly fine. She still gives preemptive excuses--upset stomach, heartburn, "oh my head is killing me today!"-- in the event I'm thinking about making a move (which I don't anymore), but none of them involve complications from the implant. So I'll likely never know the reason behind it.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2019 18:11:19 GMT -5
It's been a few weeks now, so what's the latest? My guess is......Avoidance. She is content to "not even go there anymore, and shows zero signs of wanting it with anyone else either!" Well, she had the device removed, and a few days later said she felt perfectly fine. She still gives preemptive excuses--upset stomach, heartburn, "oh my head is killing me today!"-- in the event I'm thinking about making a move (which I don't anymore), but none of them involve complications from the implant. So I'll likely never know the reason behind it. Always be wary of a possible head-fake.
For example:
1. She and the boyfriend split up. 2. She had the procedure and can now feign lingering medical complications that preclude sex with you. 3. She never had the procedure but can now feign lingering medical complications that preclude sex with you.
The list goes on.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 11, 2019 18:12:45 GMT -5
It's been a few weeks now, so what's the latest? My guess is......Avoidance. She is content to "not even go there anymore, and shows zero signs of wanting it with anyone else either!" Well, she had the device removed, and a few days later said she felt perfectly fine. She still gives preemptive excuses--upset stomach, heartburn, "oh my head is killing me today!"-- in the event I'm thinking about making a move (which I don't anymore), but none of them involve complications from the implant. So I'll likely never know the reason behind it. Sadly this spills over into all other aspects of your relationship, " can you really trust anything she says?"
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Post by hopingforachange on Aug 11, 2019 20:33:15 GMT -5
Well, she had the device removed, and a few days later said she felt perfectly fine. She still gives preemptive excuses--upset stomach, heartburn, "oh my head is killing me today!"-- in the event I'm thinking about making a move (which I don't anymore), but none of them involve complications from the implant. So I'll likely never know the reason behind it. Always be wary of a possible head-fake.
For example:
1. She and the boyfriend split up. 2. She had the procedure and can now feign lingering medical complications that preclude sex with you. 3. She never had the procedure but can now feign lingering medical complications that preclude sex with you.
The list goes on.
Or she thinks your on to her and are taking a break so you don't find out about the boyfriend.
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Post by workingonit on Aug 11, 2019 22:57:36 GMT -5
I think I am alone in not thinking this is a trick. I think this is a prime example of how people create their own reality. She is a bit delusional. I keep thinking about your kitchen fun, deadzone75 . She accepted standing kitchen oral from you! See recent post on another thread by @islandtime who got punched for touching his refusers hips. I think your wife believes she is highly sexual and you have a fine sex life and you just have weird kinky desires she can write off as "not her thing." She likely lumps your desire for increased frequency with your desire to watch her have sex with someone else. I don't think she is cheating. I think she is happy with the relationship as is.
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Post by orangepeel on Aug 12, 2019 5:26:07 GMT -5
Because it was free with her insurance, I suppose? She got one of those copper IUDs implanted last week. I asked her why, and she says because I don't like messing with condoms. True, I'm no fan of condoms because they hurt and they dull sensation, but...we don't have sex. A box of condoms will last me until they expire, literally. But she gets the thing and feels terrible for about a week. She informed me that the doctor advised her against having sex for a week. HAHAHAHAHA!! A week? We'll do you better than that, doc; we'll make it 5 months just to be safe. I genuinely think that our partners (of sorts) do live in a self-constructed alternate reality in which they see their sexual responses (of sorts) as not only non-problematic, but actually normal. They’re not deluding themselves as we see self-delusion (i.e. imposing a fiction on themselves and making themselves believe it), but they actually really do genuinely totally think they’re normal. Scary.
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 12, 2019 12:56:14 GMT -5
I think I am alone in not thinking this is a trick. I think this is a prime example of how people create their own reality. She is a bit delusional. I keep thinking about your kitchen fun, deadzone75 . She accepted standing kitchen oral from you! See recent post on another thread by @islandtime who got punched for touching his refusers hips. I think your wife believes she is highly sexual and you have a fine sex life and you just have weird kinky desires she can write off as "not her thing." She likely lumps your desire for increased frequency with your desire to watch her have sex with someone else. I don't think she is cheating. I think she is happy with the relationship as is. I agree with you. I would have believed it was a very elaborate plan to never have sex again before I believed she was cheating. I say that because of how she reacts to other people, conversations we've had about other people, and other factors. Delusional seems to be the case. I don't know that she thinks she is highly sexual, but I think she believes that sex just isn't that big of a deal if it doesn't happen. And maybe in that regard, I have done myself a disservice by not being 100% transparent when we used to have those "talks". Maybe the only thing she would understand is "If you don't fuck me, I'm going to find someone who will." It could go a couple ways from there, neither resulting in more sex.
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Post by isthisit on Aug 12, 2019 13:23:51 GMT -5
Yeah, I considered that approach too, but concluded at best it would result in duty sex which would undoubtedly be crappy boy starfish which was not at all what I wanted or needed. Duty sex is not a result at all. The only way to ensure your sanity is to accept your spouses right to their preference of refusing intimacy with you. Once this is recognised the big question then is what will you do about that?
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Post by deadzone75 on Aug 12, 2019 14:57:37 GMT -5
Yeah, I considered that approach too, but concluded at best it would result in duty sex which would undoubtedly be crappy boy starfish which was not at all what I wanted or needed. Duty sex is not a result at all. The only way to ensure your sanity is to accept your spouses right to their preference of refusing intimacy with you. Once this is recognised the big question then is what will you do about that? Yup. Duty sex is worse than masturbation. At least by myself I know everyone involved is into it.
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