Post by Handy on Jun 22, 2019 12:36:25 GMT -5
I've found that the most common Love Busters in marriage fall into six categories: Selfish Demands, Disrespectful Judgments, Angry Outbursts, Dishonesty, Independent Behavior and Annoying Habits.
People in general many people react up to 5 times more on the detrimental side to some negative trait than to a positive trait they encounter.
If a "brownie point" (love or respect units) is worth one unit and you give a person or do something another person likes and appreciates, that is one brownie point to your credit. If you did the same thing to or for person #2 and they didn't like it, you would lose 5 brownie points in their mind.
The point of eliminating negative love units is because they drain the balance of love or respect some other person had or feels about you.
Many of the sexless marriage dynamics are related to an accumulation of negative brownie points or love units. In many cases it is more productive to eliminate the negative "negative brownie points" (negative love units) than trying to create positive brownie points (positive love units).
So my question or goal is to list activities your spouse did or does that you consider "negative love units." The goal is to list the things that others do but you or I could eliminate without changing who each one of us are deep inside.
I am going to ask that we not list the end results of their negative brownie points, such as with holding sex or things like kissing. We are too familiar with the results. I am more interested in their behaviors or verbal behaviors that decrease out attraction to our partners.
I am a saver and dislike buying new things.
I am not neat and have several repair projects going at the same time.
Read the following article to get a better idea of "love busters" or "negative brownie points."