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Post by Handy on Oct 26, 2020 12:02:29 GMT -5
My opinion is Gungor's approach could improve a relationship if the people are close to being compatible and they BOTH want to improve things. OTH, with most SM, I don't think his advice holds much truths or hopes.
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Post by csl on Oct 27, 2020 7:18:29 GMT -5
My opinion is Gungor's approach could improve a relationship if the people are close to being compatible and they BOTH want to improve things. OTH, with most SM, I don't think his advice holds much truths or hopes. You should have a go at his podcasts/radio shows: he can be quite brutal and blunt. Funny as all get out and quite the iconoclast. |
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Post by Handy on Oct 27, 2020 8:43:38 GMT -5
Gungor's videos can be comical / houmorous, that is one reason he has an audience. It is good "showmanship" and gets the point across without sounding "too harsh."
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Post by csl on Oct 27, 2020 9:36:49 GMT -5
Gungor's videos can be comical / houmorous, that is one reason he has an audience. It is good "showmanship" and gets the point across without sounding "too harsh." Exactly. And just the opposite of how he was/is on his podcasts. |
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Post by jerri on Oct 27, 2020 13:50:02 GMT -5
Jerri, with some spouses there are very few brownie points to be mad and you have to ask yourself, is it worth trying? I used to try for "brownie points" but I quit trying. It wasn't worth the effort. When I tried to earn or make brownie points I might do 5 things for my W thinking I was doing well only to find out 3 of the 5 things wound up being negative points and the 2 good things didn't make uo for the 3 things she didn't like. The net effect was I was in the red and who likes being in the red on any balance sheet?
If you have to sneak out maybe you need to start a consulting business and offer in-home consults. That way you can have a legatimate consulting business and manage some private time away from home. I was fixing office equipment and "could have had some personal time that looked like a business activity." I never did it, but I could have.
I think this guy may have a plausible method to stay "in the black". I have been wanting a take out pick nic on the mountain overlooking all of the city lights. My husband doesn't think of creative things to do so a therapist told me to go out of my way to plan things like mother's day outings and I will have fun in the process he will participate and we both score points. My H gets in a hot tub that is red skin hot, I tell him not to turn on the heat and I get in afterwards, but solitarysoul taught me to sit there while he is in the tub and talk to him.
mirrororchid , and others what do you do to score points that they like?
Thanks for the video, I can always use love language pro-tips💞💙 |
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Post by Handy on Oct 27, 2020 15:27:07 GMT -5
A mountain outing sounds like a good thing. I like things like that. I do solo bike rides to a local river bottom park, except when it floods. There are lots of trees and some are so close / dense they form tunnels.
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 28, 2020 4:59:50 GMT -5
I think this guy may have a plausible method to stay "in the black".
mirrororchid , and others what do you do to score points that they like?
Thanks for the video, I can always use love language pro-tips💞💙 Buy gifts. Gifts are definitely a love language of hers. I started bringing her flowers after lovemaking (i have not told her that's what triggers flowers and she hasn't indicated she's guessed.) She beams when she sees them. Her joy makes me happy, but it is not my love language, I guess. I find it odd that a temporary gesture like that can have such an impact. I suppose gifts can be a love language for me if it's something precisely targeted. When it's something I didn't know I needed or did want but couldn't justify buying for myself. It's the thought that counts. Nothing expensive. Expensive gifts make me think of extra work I'll have to do to pay for it. A pricey gift from my wife is a net negative. My wife sends me links to stuff she likes and I buy it and hide it for the next holiday. Thus, my taste is exquisite, but my thoughts count for nothing. She hides disappointment poorly and wasting money on unwanted gifts is ill-advised. We ain't that comfortable. But $40 Christmas ornaments? I shake my head and know I'm buying love, not things. I live with an alien. I bring her mocha coffee in the morning. I tweaked it until I can make it quickly and highly specialized to her taste. That seems to score a point most days. All my many many gifts of service make her feel guilty because she does so little (clinical depression). Acts of service earn me negative points, I think. Language of Touch? I think when her body likes what I do, she gets guilt for wanting no more than that. (sex guilt) Language of words? She doesn't believe compliments. She substitutes her self-loathing. Don't know if she likes them despite that. She shows little reaction. Words of praise may be net negative too. Quality time... hm. I dig that. Just walking through a farmer's market was uplifting. Then again we held hands. Was it the double whammy of time and touch? Her reaction to quality time is subdued, but she expressed pleasure that we cooked dinner last night as a team. Cooking is one of the biggest time sucks mankind ever invented. Our cooking session happened because she doesn't cook anymore and all the raw meat in the freezer was taking space better used for high fat, high sodium, preservative laced processed food I'm willing to throw in the oven. (Better to die early, than spend extra years in the kitchen.) I did it to get rid of freezer squatters. There's three more in there. I'll keep my eyes open for any bonding over food bullshit I should tolerate and eventually enjoy. Again....alien to me. csl The two Gungor clips I saw were funny and insightful. Perhaps you'll direct me to some of his clunkers? |
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Post by jerri on Oct 28, 2020 15:33:41 GMT -5
mirrororchid what a great detailed post, I can relate to it! Act of service that doesn't take much time is making him frozen frappuccino, hot mocha, fresh lemonade, and smoothies! I am going out of my way a little bit, but he is excited to get a drink if I put a little more time in it. I score more brownie points 😉Your post should have it's own thread with a love languages article/video.
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Post by jerri on Oct 28, 2020 15:42:42 GMT -5
Gungor's videos can be comical / houmorous, that is one reason he has an audience. It is good "showmanship" and gets the point across without sounding "too harsh." Exactly. And just the opposite of how he was/is on his podcasts. What do you mean?  |
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Post by csl on Oct 28, 2020 22:24:01 GMT -5
Exactly. And just the opposite of how he was/is on his podcasts. What do you mean? 1. He and I are both coming from a conservative Christian point of view, but, curmudgeon that I am, I cannot/will not approach his level of bombast. 2. He can be over-the-top in his likes and dislikes. Some of his views would find great support on this board, some would anger ILIASM denizens; he would make no apologies, as he just doesn’t care whose feathers he ruffles. One of his explanations in his intro runs along the lines of “If we like what you have to say, we will celebrate you; if we don’t, we will castigate you.” And he means it. 3. The format of his podcasts was a) introduction and article of the day, to get him primed; b) letters from listeners read by his co-host; c) advice for the writer (or castigation, as the case may be), followed by c) discussion/debate between Gungor and his co-hosts. He used to have a daily podcast for several years, but in 2013, he went to a weekly show in which they did video podcasting. He stopped that in 2017, I believe when his wife of 40+ years was diagnosed with cancer, in order to devote more time to her. You can find an archive of his audio podcasts at tunein.com/podcasts/Comedy/The-Mark-Gungor-Show-p149501/?topicId=113463070Also YouTube has some of the video of his weekly podcast at www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuOHT9iFkbmPaGKvFlcKvt79Ud80_6qiGHe also tried his hand at a TV-style talk show called “Love, Marriage and Stinking Thinking.” There are about 12-15 half-hour episodes on YouTube, as well. mirrororchid - not “clunkers”, but a different approach. The videos that you watched were culled from his seminars. The podcasts are more akin to a Drive-time, morning zoo type of radio show. |
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Post by jerri on Oct 28, 2020 23:45:22 GMT -5
Will do and many thanks for your detailed explanation and the links.❣❣💙
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