Staying

There's several things that bring about ILIASM deals.
#1 - is your own choices dumping you in the shit.
#2 - is someone else's choice that - as collateral damage - dumps you in the shit.
#3 - random events handed out by the cosmos that dump you in the shit.

That you have chosen to stay in your deal for a number of years is a #1.
That your missus behaviours have disenfranchised you is a #2.
That your missus now has a serious medical issue is a #3.

But irrespective of "how" you ended up in the shit, it is going to be you, and only you, who digs you out.

And at times "timing" is in your favour, and sometimes it ain't.
Clearly here as events have unfolded, "timing" is not in your favour.

If your missus' condition is as serious as it seems, your focus is obviously going to be on that.

Hope this all turns out ok Brother lessingham

What worksforme2 said.

In addition, keep in mind that something could happen to you and make you I physically dependent upon your refuser. That possibility also was a reason I chose divorce. I knew my now ex was a man who closes his eyes to serious problems. He is not a person I could express my concerns to if I were diagnosed with a serious illness. Instead, he’d constantly natter about sports, a subject I have no interest in. If I became incapable of speech but wanted my directive followed to stop extraordinary medical means, he would not do that because he’d think I wasn’t that bad off. My younger son and a couple of close friends are whom I’d trust with such decisions but not my ex.

Anyone who is hanging on to a miserable marriage for fear of dying alone also needs to realize that being married doesn’t guarantee someone will be with you at the end. Even if your spouse is healthier and younger than you, they still could precede you in death.

all good points. but, as a hanger-on myself, I'm glad that lessingham is back on the board.

We all move at out own pace. sometimes that pace is slower than what might be good (or bad; who knows?) for us, but it is what it is.

you can't push the river.

That's a great little saying at the end. Never come across it before :-)

Perhaps. I guess the question is whether it's worth the effort to build a dam. I just made that up right now. The rest of you will have to figure out what it means!

One of the fun things of staying is finding reasons. Ok, sex is now off the agenda and so is bitching about it. So, what is good about the rest? My wife is funny, intelligent and great company for starters. That is worth exploring

If a "Big Conversation Looms" it would be as well for you to be as prepared as you can possibly be for such a thing so you can conduct the discourse from a position of strength and certainty.
"The Talk" is a helluva thing, even under the best preparation.
Going in under-prepared or not prepared invites a really poor outcome.

Legal advice.
Exit strategy in do-able shape.
Support network in place.

Good things to have in your pocket in these situations.