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Post by orangepeel on Aug 5, 2019 0:58:16 GMT -5
I know exactly how you feel, lessingham. My own ‘solution’, for what it’s worth, was to accept the absence of sex. This took about ten or eleven years (three or four as it dwindled to nothing and the rest with well, nothing) and then I just stopped initiating. This had the immediate benefit of me not being directly rejected (no small consideration), but the real clincher was stopping why-chasing and focussing on me instead of making myself desirable to her. I’m not desirable to her. That’s a fact. I know because she doesn’t fuck me and I can’t will her desire into existence. And nor can you, my friend. I called it a solution, but it’s never entirely complete: it can’t be - we’re wounded creatures, after all. In the War on Sexlessness, it’s only ever an armistice and not a treaty. |
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Post by nyctos on Aug 5, 2019 6:54:52 GMT -5
I called it a solution, but it’s never entirely complete: it can’t be - we’re wounded creatures, after all. In the War on Sexlessness, it’s only ever an armistice and not a treaty. Yes, though it feels more like an abject surrender to me, rather than any kind of armistice. Along with being a prisoner of war under intermittent torture. And yes, I definitely feel wounded. Crippled. Actually,I admire anyone who's able to really give up why-chasing. It always seems to nag in the back of my mind in some form -- that and wondering if she EVER desired sex with me. Because if she didn't...I've only had three sex partners ever, and two of them were only once. There are days I walk around depressed for no particular reason other than my entire fucking life. |
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Staying
Aug 5, 2019 12:48:13 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by orangepeel on Aug 5, 2019 12:48:13 GMT -5
A fair point: it’s an armistice at best; that would be a better way of putting it.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 7, 2019 11:20:46 GMT -5
I called it a solution, but it’s never entirely complete: it can’t be - we’re wounded creatures, after all. In the War on Sexlessness, it’s only ever an armistice and not a treaty. Yes, though it feels more like an abject surrender to me, rather than any kind of armistice. Along with being a prisoner of war under intermittent torture. And yes, I definitely feel wounded. Crippled. Actually,I admire anyone who's able to really give up why-chasing. It always seems to nag in the back of my mind in some form -- that and wondering if she EVER desired sex with me. Because if she didn't...I've only had three sex partners ever, and two of them were only once. There are days I walk around depressed for no particular reason other than my entire fucking life. I had so many years of why chasing to the point that when I finally outsourced after our first time together I was asking my AP if I wasn’t tight or if I didn’t give a good blow job, etc. Nothing was wrong with me. So how did I get to the point where I could stop why chasing? I just said there is something wrong with him. He just doesn’t like sex and I think that would be the case with any woman. Just realize it’s not you it’s her. Our only problem was we were too nice and did not cut bait when we were young. Put yourself out there and don’t let her control your sexuality. Life is too short and it’s your life to enjoy! |
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Aug 14, 2019 20:49:16 GMT -5
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Post by Vijay.. on Aug 14, 2019 20:49:16 GMT -5
Me took...
I am very excited..
As Acceptance takes the pressure...
Satisfy myself....
Actually it's quite exciting...
No sex for life...
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Post by lessingham on Aug 19, 2019 3:16:14 GMT -5
Not sure if another line has been crossed. Recently I find I no longer desire my wife, even if she changed and wanted sex. She has put on a lot of weight recently, I try to be supportive and eagerly join her in her diets but they fade out. He negativity to sex has me wondering if seduction is worth it for a few moments of starfish sex. Could desire be refound or do I continue on the journey away from her?
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Post by baza on Aug 19, 2019 3:36:35 GMT -5
It's your call entirely what you do or don't do Brother lessingham . But in regard to the likelyhood of "desire being refound" the clear anecdotal evidence in this group is that such an event is highly unlikely. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2019 18:04:30 GMT -5
I agree with baza. There are precious few stories of renewal and discovered wells of endless desire.
For myself, a little weight gain on a partner would be inconsequential. What matters is what's between the ears and there is nothing sexier than an eager, willing partner. Most of us are here because we don't have that. You're saying that not only would she need to find desire but now you would also. That's the long shot.
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Post by lessingham on Aug 21, 2019 16:10:43 GMT -5
She still plays the tomorrow game. When I am well, all will change. Once things settke, I will lose weight. We will have a sex life, just wait. My loss of desire for her is due to this, the realisation she is trying to drag out the game
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Post by baza on Aug 21, 2019 19:10:52 GMT -5
If you have - truly - lost desire for her, then what she is offering (at some arbitrary later time) would be of no interest to you anyway Brother lessingham . But right here and now, she has a plan (to spin this out as long as possible) - and you don't. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 21, 2019 21:03:14 GMT -5
lessingham This is also known as " moving the goal post".
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Aug 26, 2019 14:27:51 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2019 14:27:51 GMT -5
Really dark day today. The need to get laid consumes me and I cannot find the inner calm. Yesterday she refused me again, saying she had checked her meds and apparently a rare side effect is reduced libido. And like a muppet I replied, how can you reduce something that is non existant? Trying to stay calm until after her operation and then we shall see. The Big Conversation looms. The Big Conversation ever happen before? Everyone talks about "The Talk" but my W always dismissed it quickly anyway. It's been many years since I said a thing but even back when I did, the reaction was immediately, "Oh, this again!! Fine, fine we'll have more sex. Men are pigs." I never had the "No sex then I'm outta here" talk because I knew I wasn't prepared to do that. Also, it wouldn't have worked anyway. |
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Post by steve1968 on Apr 3, 2022 13:52:47 GMT -5
Not sure if another line has been crossed. Recently I find I no longer desire my wife, even if she changed and wanted sex. She has put on a lot of weight recently, I try to be supportive and eagerly join her in her diets but they fade out. He negativity to sex has me wondering if seduction is worth it for a few moments of starfish sex. Could desire be refound or do I continue on the journey away from her? You just absolutely nailed my situation. Getting off with someone who has no desire for the act and who is MUCH less desirable due to weight gain is just not an option. I'm not saying it might not happen. But I keep remembering the last full-on session - 5 years ago. So much bitching before, during, and after. Add to that, the turnoff of mounting someone with a pretty serious beer gut. |
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Post by worksforme2 on May 16, 2022 8:59:49 GMT -5
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