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Post by loneranger on Jun 22, 2019 19:34:27 GMT -5
I’ve been hit with the “its too hot” several times but never been told to try again some other season... Might as well heard it though because thats exactly what ends up happening... sorry man. Sucks
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Post by notdeadyet on Jun 23, 2019 12:56:32 GMT -5
AT some point Nyctos, you said, "I still do have feelings for her when she's not making me feel like shit." These women don't get that their refusals hit us the same way it would hit them if every day we told them, "you're just too ugly to fuck!"
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Post by Handy on Jun 23, 2019 15:52:02 GMT -5
Bfar if every day we told them, "you're just too ugly to fuck!"
I wouldn't normally even think this level of low class but the more I think about it, just maybe!
OTH, WTG. It certainally makes a dramatic statement.
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Post by missma2019 on Jun 23, 2019 16:17:10 GMT -5
AT some point Nyctos, you said, "I still do have feelings for her when she's not making me feel like shit." These women don't get that their refusals hit us the same way it would hit them if every day we told them, "you're just too ugly to fuck!" Sorry don’t mean to laugh but that sounds fair too...
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 23, 2019 16:48:06 GMT -5
Bear said: “These women don't get that their refusals hit us the same way it would hit them if every day we told them, "you're just too ugly to fuck!"
They don’t care how you feel. Why stay with a spouse who doesn't give a damn about you except for what you do for them?
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 23, 2019 17:16:09 GMT -5
Bear said: “These women don't get that their refusals hit us the same way it would hit them if every day we told them, "you're just too ugly to fuck!" They don’t care how you feel. Why stay with a spouse who doesn't give a damn about you except for what you do for them? This perspective had a fair amount of influence on me as I made my determination on ending the marriage. Like the poster I also still cared deeply about my then W. But it just seemed the longer this sexless aspect continued the less she cared about the effect it was having on me. At the end of the last bout of reset sex (which lasted a remarkable 3 months) she returned to refusing again. And with her refusal would come a denigrating remark like "that's all you care about" or words to that effect. And if we did have sex and I lasted too long, she would ask me to "hurry up". So I came "kicking and screaming" to the decision to distance myself from her and then perhaps if we continued as roommates to start looking else where for intimacy. But the plan changed when she decided to move out. It was the best thing, although she was bitter for a while having to give up a new house and furnishings, along with the periodic cross country trips and vacations. I could not have used the "you're too ugly to f*ck" line, she was actually quite attractive.
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Post by Handy on Jun 23, 2019 18:25:40 GMT -5
The "you're too ugly to f*ck" line line sounds too cruel to use to me. I might suggest "I don't want to fuck anyone that doesn't want to fuck me" which is more about the lacking emotional connection.
Worksforme2, I bet there are several people on this forum that wish their refuser would "move out." I am one of them and my W said she was looking for a place but it was all bluff.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 23, 2019 19:46:25 GMT -5
“I bet there are several people on this forum that wish their refuser would "move out." I am one of them and my W said she was looking for a place but it was all bluff.”
Why wait for your refuser when you yourself could file and thus put the divorce in motion?
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Post by nyctos on Jun 24, 2019 13:59:34 GMT -5
AT some point Nyctos, you said, "I still do have feelings for her when she's not making me feel like shit." These women don't get that their refusals hit us the same way it would hit them if every day we told them, "you're just too ugly to fuck!" Yeah, they don't get it. I know I hold back on making cruel comments every single day. And I have no hope that she'll ever realize it.
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Post by saarinista on Jul 12, 2019 15:28:47 GMT -5
“I bet there are several people on this forum that wish their refuser would "move out." I am one of them and my W said she was looking for a place but it was all bluff.” Why wait for your refuser when you yourself could file and thus put the divorce in motion? That's a great question. Here's my lame-o answer: I hate moving and it costs money just to move. Ugh.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 12, 2019 16:40:47 GMT -5
“That's a great question. Here's my lame-o answer: I hate moving and it costs money just to move. Ugh.”
So a sexless marriage is more pleasant for you than the hassle and expense of moving. That indicates sex isn’t high in your priority list.
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Post by saarinista on Jul 13, 2019 4:00:04 GMT -5
“That's a great question. Here's my lame-o answer: I hate moving and it costs money just to move. Ugh.” So a sexless marriage is more pleasant for you than the hassle and expense of moving. That indicates sex isn’t high in your priority list. Well , I can understand why it might SEEM that way. However, bear in mind that people's financial situations, support networks and personal energy levels vary. If I had family members, for example, who could assist with a move or let me stay with them temporarily, moving would be easier. But I don't. Also, I need to find a job first. Like most people, I can handle only just so much change at once. Sex IS a priority, but one crisis at a time, please.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 13, 2019 8:14:50 GMT -5
“If I had family members, for example, who could assist with a move or let me stay with them temporarily, moving would be easier. But I don't. Also, I need to find a job first. ”
Have you talked to a lawyer to see what your rights would be in a divorce? If you haven’t done that then your concerns about needing a job, having to move, etc. are just assumptions.
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Post by nyctos on Jul 13, 2019 11:10:45 GMT -5
So a sexless marriage is more pleasant for you than the hassle and expense of moving. That indicates sex isn’t high in your priority list. That line of reasoning also assumes that once out off the sexless marriage, sex will follow. I know that it's also been said that one needs to be happy getting out of the marriage regardless of the sex. So, his priority on sex isn't entirely clear from his one statement alone.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 13, 2019 11:54:24 GMT -5
“That line of reasoning also assumes that once out off the sexless marriage, sex will follow..”
No it doesn’t. It assumes that if sex is a big priority, one would rather be sexless and unmarried than be married to a person who refuses to have sexually with you. If sex is sa big priority, one wouldn’t do what many here do, not only choose to remain in a sexless marriage but also share s bed with one’s refuser.
Divorce, moving away from one’s refuser are time limited hassles. Living with one’s refuser is daily pain if one values sex in an intimate relationship and if one isn’t choosing to outsource.
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