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Post by Pinkberry on May 27, 2016 1:51:37 GMT -5
I think most women who stay for money and get some on the side did not marry for love in the first place. I certainly cannot speak for everyone, but I couldn't stay with someone who hurt me just for the money. It would kill me.
On the other hand, if I found myself in a situation where I agreed to marry not out of love, but for mutual convenience and I would then have access to a lot of money, then staying would be less troublesome, as would finding sex elsewhere since the marriage was not built on love to begin with.
If you are anything like me, staying is not going to work.
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Post by 3000more on May 27, 2016 14:10:19 GMT -5
anniec, reading all of the opinions and questions and theories can get confusing, but it's really clear from this outsider's perspective. The marriage needs to end for full fulfillment and happiness for you and your child.
A.Only reason to stay is for the money, but you'll have to find physical companionship elsewhere. You'll then be at a disadvantage, if he can prove it in a divorce. None of us mourn loss of things do we? We mourn loss of human relationships and pets and you can't buy authentic love from either.
B. Leaving sooner and reestablishing your career will get you and son on the way to happiness and contentment sooner than later and you won't have to say, "I should have done this years ago," when you finally do it, which you will because there will come a day when you are just plain DONE, WORN OUT, TIRED OF BEING A DOORMAT. There is a much better partner out there for you. What happens if the superstar employer who will hire you back dies, gets sick, sells. Get back now, so you can establish your place.
If husband eventually makes the money you think he will, he can come and get son on a private jet and go to the Caribbean 5 times a year, face-time daily, and buy a vacation house down the street for holidays. While son and Dad are having their time together, you'll have complete freedom to shag the man who worships you, and treats you equal or better, and you'll have the personal satisfaction/self esteem of accomplishing things professionally and personally.
That's my unsolicited opinion. Run...sister...run.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2016 11:53:33 GMT -5
elle, thank you! Sorry you are here with the rest of us  |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2016 12:17:25 GMT -5
@anniec , I don't subscribe to the "Homophobes are closed Homosexuals" concept. I've never seen it in practice, and it doesn't work with any thing else. I'm not saying he's not gay, but being anti-gay isn't a gay trait I've ever seen. But the fact that his father was a homosexual would be more indicative of problems with hetero-social relational developmental issues analogous of not having a father in the home, having an overbearing mother, repeating learned familial patterns, etc. I'm thinking some of the experiences of the women here in similarly sexless marriages might be helpful. Here's what I've learned from several years reading this stuff back on the EP ILIASM forum: The women in sexless marriages that were married to men they deemed as Narcissists reported men that were VERY similar to yours -- highly successful and controlling. The main difference would seem to be that their husbands generally "Rationed" sex as a control method like the bad guys in Mad Max rationed water to their subjects. So, in general, the marriage wasn't totally sexless in the early going, but it was rationed to establish dominance and control until the narcissistic lost interest or found other means of control. Perhaps your husband was rationing sex prior to you marrying him, and that formality was dropped after the papers were signed? Perhaps the new form of control has become isolating you from your support structure? Maybe he IS gay, and the homophobic protestations only occur when he's pressed or suspects he's being suspected as being homosexual? Kind of like an adulterer becomes rabidly anti-adultery when the texts to sweetheart are found? Question: Would a group of Marines, Outlaw Bikers, or Oil Field Roughnecks consider your husband a "Masculine" guy, or is he more "Meterosexual"? Would a normal guy wonder about your husband's sexual orientation on an initial meeting? Your description of his parents is very accurate! I don't think a group of bikers, marines, oil fielders would find him very masculine at all. He had a harley when we met but it never quite seemed to fit him. I think he had it to fit in with his brother and cousins who rode. He's very hard to figure out. I guess he's more metro in general, but can be masculine when needed. I should probably mention that he forms friendly relationships with women easier than with men. The only male friends he has are my friends boyfriends/husbands or men he works with. He has very little interest in hanging out with the guys ..they usually ask him to go out. He never initiates or calls them. I'm thinking and writing as things come to mind about him so sorry if it's jumbled. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2016 12:21:49 GMT -5
What kind of relationship does your son have with his dad? He is very strict most of the time but can be caring at times. My son often tells me he doesn't want to come home. The counselor says it is probably due to the fact that he senses the anger in the home. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 16, 2016 7:19:24 GMT -5
What kind of relationship does your son have with his dad? He is very strict most of the time but can be caring at times. My son often tells me he doesn't want to come home. The counselor says it is probably due to the fact that he senses the anger in the home. Any new updates on your situation? |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2016 10:23:05 GMT -5
He is very strict most of the time but can be caring at times. My son often tells me he doesn't want to come home. The counselor says it is probably due to the fact that he senses the anger in the home. Any new updates on your situation? Nothing has really changed.  |
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Post by lost34 on Jun 21, 2016 7:48:13 GMT -5
Hugs to you. I hope whatever you decide it all works out.
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Post by cc on Jun 23, 2016 18:58:21 GMT -5
Yes, LOL, facebook is a damned lie!
But have you found if you try to talk to actual people in your life that you are shut down?
I am sorry. HUGS.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2016 22:38:47 GMT -5
@anniec I could have written this. The few friends who know my husband hasn't touched me since June 22, 2014. Fakebook, like I would air my thoughts there... The porn, the "business" trips, the moving to a new city, for HIM. Feeling alone, self esteem shot. And even though my dipshit husband has letters after his name to tell the world how educated he is, I am smarter. Ok, now I'm angry.
My point is, our stories are quite similar. My heart goes out to you. All I want to do is give you a hug. Or get a drink. Or go out and hit the heavy bag with our husbands faces on it. Whatever...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2016 12:31:06 GMT -5
@anniec I could have written this. The few friends who know my husband hasn't touched me since June 22, 2014. Fakebook, like I would air my thoughts there... The porn, the "business" trips, the moving to a new city, for HIM. Feeling alone, self esteem shot. And even though my dipshit husband has letters after his name to tell the world how educated he is, I am smarter. Ok, now I'm angry. My point is, our stories are quite similar. My heart goes out to you. All I want to do is give you a hug. Or get a drink. Or go out and hit the heavy bag with our husbands faces on it. Whatever... Andie....It's great to find another woman on here who is going through the same thing. We can help support each other through this mess we are in! I can't believe you are from Chicagoland. I was born and raised there and just moved to NY in April. Bad timing! I would have loved to meet up for a drink or girls night out! |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2016 18:43:25 GMT -5
@anniec I could have written this. The few friends who know my husband hasn't touched me since June 22, 2014. Fakebook, like I would air my thoughts there... The porn, the "business" trips, the moving to a new city, for HIM. Feeling alone, self esteem shot. And even though my dipshit husband has letters after his name to tell the world how educated he is, I am smarter. Ok, now I'm angry. My point is, our stories are quite similar. My heart goes out to you. All I want to do is give you a hug. Or get a drink. Or go out and hit the heavy bag with our husbands faces on it. Whatever... Andie....It's great to find another woman on here who is going through the same thing. We can help support each other through this mess we are in! I can't believe you are from Chicagoland. I was born and raised there and just moved to NY in April. Bad timing! I would have loved to meet up for a drink or girls night out! And as luck would have it, I grew up in New York (state, not city) left ten years ago for Bumfuck, Nowhere. After five years there, we moved to the Chicago suburbs because of his promotion. I love it here, but starting over (and over) sucks. No friends, shitty marriage. Thankfully I love my job and made friends there. Not sure how often you get home to Illinois, but I make it to New York about once a year, maybe twice. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2016 15:13:07 GMT -5
Andie....It's great to find another woman on here who is going through the same thing. We can help support each other through this mess we are in! I can't believe you are from Chicagoland. I was born and raised there and just moved to NY in April. Bad timing! I would have loved to meet up for a drink or girls night out! And as luck would have it, I grew up in New York (state, not city) left ten years ago for Bumfuck, Nowhere. After five years there, we moved to the Chicago suburbs because of his promotion. I love it here, but starting over (and over) sucks. No friends, shitty marriage. Thankfully I love my job and made friends there. Not sure how often you get home to Illinois, but I make it to New York about once a year, maybe twice. wow....very similar indeed! I haven't made it back to Chicagoland yet, but planning to within the next year or so. I probably won't want to come back!!! |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2016 19:23:04 GMT -5
@anniec let me know when you're back in town. First round is on me!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2016 11:07:09 GMT -5
@anniec let me know when you're back in town. First round is on me! ago Quote Edit like Post Options . Post by anniec on a few seconds ago I will!!! If you ever make your way this way let me know!!! It would be great to get together and hang out. |
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