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Post by northstarmom on Apr 2, 2019 14:10:52 GMT -5
You also can ignore and block his phone calls and texts.
It doesn't matter whose fault it is. Apparently you both were miserable in the marriage, and that's reason to end it.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 2, 2019 15:14:23 GMT -5
What you’re describing is pretty much exactly what happened to me. My STBX moved out of the master bedroom, then handed me a letter asking for divorce. Now he’s sending me 2:30 emails asking for reconciliation, or sending texts telling me “I know you’re not there yet...” Dude, I will probably not EVER “be there”.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 2, 2019 15:15:29 GMT -5
Agreed about getting counseling. A good one can help you sort that wheat from the chaff. And you’re moving in two weeks - that’s huge!
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Support
Apr 2, 2019 19:40:45 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by smith227 on Apr 2, 2019 19:40:45 GMT -5
Thank you guys for all the support and responses. I got told quite a bit last night that I’m just “insane” and that, though he’s not a doctor, he thinks that I should definitely be medicated bc I’m just always mad and hates everything he loves. That I constantly try to break him. That if I could just be nice, he would want to touch me. I responded that there were countless of times I stayed up late, on his time schedule to spend time with him. That we would laugh and have fun and then I would go shower and get all smooth and soft. Put on my sexiest underwear and go to bed and wait. And wait. Til I finally fell asleep. Only to wake up to him beside me on his laptop...again. And that broke me. His response was that instead of me getting mad, the next day I should have found something fun for him to do, so he would be in a good mood and then he could touch me. Instead of feeling defeated and turning off, just find something fun for him to do the next day like a NORMAL girl instead of an insane person. I KNOW NONE OF THIS MATTERS. He opinion of my isn’t relevant, but DAMN. He’s got me questioning if this all is my fault. Maybe he is the normal one? I’m still leaving either way, but I’d rather not feel so bad about myself walking into freedom. It doesn’t matter but the words still hurt. That is his intention- he does not want to own his part of your fuck-up of a marriage. Nothing you can do or say will change that. The very nature of an sm screws with your self confidence. A counselor would be very helpful if you could afford one. Check with your employee assistance program at your job. Some offer up to 3 free counseling sessions. 3 doesn’t sound like a whole lot but you will benefit from them. Are you a reader? I purchased a kindle book on divorce that was written by women for women. I found it immensely helpful. The cost was less than $10. If you’re interested, I can give you the details. I’m going through the same thing you are and totally understand how you’re feeling. I can’t emphasize enough how much counseling has helped me so please consider it for yourself. Hugs to you and hang in there! I’d love the info on the book you mentioned. As far as counseling goes, I’m looking for one that accepts my insurance. Out of pocket isn’t an option for me at the moment, but I know I definitely need it. It has helped me in the past. I met with my landlord and put my deposit down for my new place today. I packed up the bathroom and left only what I use daily. When my soon to be ex got up around 3pm he asked me if I wanted to go get food and watch a movie? Wtf? I told him I didn’t and went and took a nap. I can’t be around him. He’s completely unaffected and seems totally fine with everything. It’s like the past week hasn’t even happened? I don’t understand his angle and am seriously wondering if he’s even human. Thanks for the responses. |
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Post by smith227 on Apr 2, 2019 19:45:10 GMT -5
You also can ignore and block his phone calls and texts. It doesn't matter whose fault it is. Apparently you both were miserable in the marriage, and that's reason to end it. I actually told him this when he told me that I’m only moving 3 blocks away and he’s sure we’ll run into each other. I responded that I know what times he always go to the grocery and gas stations. I’ll avoid those times. I told him that his number will be blocked when I leave and I’ll only see him in court for the dissolution. I’ve dotted my I’s and crossed my T’s. And if we do happen to cross paths I’ll walk by him like a stranger. |
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 2, 2019 19:52:33 GMT -5
Smith227 said: "When my soon to be ex got up around 3pm he asked me if I wanted to go get food and watch a movie? Wtf? I told him I didn’t and went and took a nap. I can’t be around him. He’s completely unaffected and seems totally fine with everything. It’s like the past week hasn’t even happened? I don’t understand his angle and am seriously wondering if he’s even human. Thanks for the responses.
"
Hs didn't want to divorce. He just asked for a divorce so he could manipulate you into doing what he wanted.
He still doesn't believe you will divorce him. I fear that once you move out, he will escalate. Do everything you can to move the divorce process along quickly. Also, do everything you can to avoid being around him and having to communicate with him Stop arguing with him. He's not worth the effort, and you'll never convince him you're right. He doesn't need to see things the way you do for you to divorce him.
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Post by sadkat on Apr 2, 2019 20:20:45 GMT -5
It doesn’t matter but the words still hurt. That is his intention- he does not want to own his part of your fuck-up of a marriage. Nothing you can do or say will change that. The very nature of an sm screws with your self confidence. A counselor would be very helpful if you could afford one. Check with your employee assistance program at your job. Some offer up to 3 free counseling sessions. 3 doesn’t sound like a whole lot but you will benefit from them. Are you a reader? I purchased a kindle book on divorce that was written by women for women. I found it immensely helpful. The cost was less than $10. If you’re interested, I can give you the details. I’m going through the same thing you are and totally understand how you’re feeling. I can’t emphasize enough how much counseling has helped me so please consider it for yourself. Hugs to you and hang in there! I’d love the info on the book you mentioned. As far as counseling goes, I’m looking for one that accepts my insurance. Out of pocket isn’t an option for me at the moment, but I know I definitely need it. It has helped me in the past. I met with my landlord and put my deposit down for my new place today. I packed up the bathroom and left only what I use daily. When my soon to be ex got up around 3pm he asked me if I wanted to go get food and watch a movie? Wtf? I told him I didn’t and went and took a nap. I can’t be around him. He’s completely unaffected and seems totally fine with everything. It’s like the past week hasn’t even happened? I don’t understand his angle and am seriously wondering if he’s even human. Thanks for the responses. Here is the link on Amazon. The kindle version is $1.99. The Optimist's Guide to Divorce: How to Get Through Your Breakup and Create a New Life You Love www.amazon.com/dp/0761187421/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_QNaPCbNYFMDZF |
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Post by baza on Apr 2, 2019 20:33:20 GMT -5
I think any member here would do well to read this linked book.
Indeed read, watch, listen to anything and everything you can find on having a wonderful or awful, respectful or disrespectful, collaborative or adversarial divorce.
The knowledge can't hurt you.
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Post by nyartgal on Apr 3, 2019 22:00:22 GMT -5
Girl. There is a book called “Living with the Passive Aggressive Man” or something like that. READ IT. He’s throwing out all the stops because it’s not working on you anymore and he has to face reality. Later you will look back and see it all clearly.
You’ve got this. You will be much happier in your new place, car or no, without him twisting your mind. Just hold on tight for the next couple of weeks and then get the hell out of there!
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Post by ihadalove on Apr 3, 2019 22:45:51 GMT -5
His response was that instead of me getting mad, the next day I should have found something fun for him to do, so he would be in a good mood and then he could touch me. Instead of feeling defeated and turning off, just find something fun for him to do the next day like a NORMAL girl instead of an insane person. He's the insane one. You get clean and ready and wait for him and he couldn't be bothered. Don't be fooled by his tricks. He's just mad he's losing his control over you. He enjoys making you wait like that and never showing. Don't engage with him on it anymore! |
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Support
Apr 3, 2019 22:48:56 GMT -5
Post by Handy on Apr 3, 2019 22:48:56 GMT -5
Smith, not your circus or your monkey (H) any more. Next!
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Post by shamwow on Apr 10, 2019 20:05:36 GMT -5
Don't ENGAGE. It's over. Grey rock that fucker. Practice saying "You may very well be right." But at least you have your answer to 'why is he being nice?' it's because he was setting you up for a mindfuck. Which I know is not the kind of fuck you were after. Grey rock that fucker I fucking love that phrase and am hereby stealing it |
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Post by hopingforachange on Apr 10, 2019 20:34:22 GMT -5
He trying everything he can to reset the hook. He tried being nice, that didn't work. Now he trying gas lighting you, don't let that work.
Step back and look and think about what he's doing. I'm certain you will see it and it will surprise you
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Post by angeleyes65 on Apr 10, 2019 21:08:13 GMT -5
I've been out for almost 2 years. He's been blocked from my phone for 6 months. I blocked his email today. He wants to get back together he tells me it's all his fault and is so sorry than basically says all the ways it's my fault. As is his misery. I just can't anymore.
They never cease to amaze me . Stay strong!
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Apr 11, 2019 10:10:37 GMT -5
I've been out for almost 2 years. He's been blocked from my phone for 6 months. I blocked his email today. He wants to get back together he tells me it's all his fault and is so sorry than basically says all the ways it's my fault. As is his misery. I just can't anymore. They never cease to amaze me . Stay strong! That has been my experience talking to my soon to be ex lately. We had a huge fight the other night because he is refusing to move out of the house until the divorce is final. I said that could take years and years. His response was that that is fine, he’s OK with that, he’s talked to several people and gotten all kinds of legal advice that tells him he loses his interest in the house if he moves out. He went on to tell me how horrible and mean and cold and caring of been toward him throughout this whole thing and that he has always been “extremely empathetic quotetoward me throughout our entire marriage and that he loves me so much and wants us so badly to get back together, but I am just not showing him any affection whatsoever. Yesterday, I dug up a couple of articles written by actual family law tourneys that state the obvious of what he is telling me he has learned and emailed them to him, along with all of the financial disclosure paperwork that we should have filled out by now. His response was “So we conciliation is out of the question? I was having all kinds of great memories of us together “ |
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