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Post by lessingham on Mar 12, 2019 3:53:55 GMT -5
Starting to look at me, how I can be a truer me. Today I am going swimming. As a younger man I loved swimming but she did not and it fell by the wayside. It will be a rediscovery. One of my kids in a project I work with gave me a wonderful thought. He is 8 and so delightful. He is very popular and I commented that he seemed to be known and liked by everybody. I asked him his secret. He pondered and replied, "I smile and say hello to everybody and try to remember their names". Wow!
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Post by saarinista on Mar 19, 2019 0:31:57 GMT -5
Another bad night, so horny I could not sleep. I lay there wanting her so badly and scared to touch her for beibg angrily rebuffed. So, today I feel wasted and empty. Some days I cannot see any future and it is a struggle to get to the next day. But I will get there, one day atca time, dear Lord. I'm sorry you're going through this. how was swimming, though? And take those dance classes! anything you can do to get away from her nastiness is good. Fuck the chore play.
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Post by lessingham on Mar 19, 2019 14:44:22 GMT -5
The swimming was oddly wonderful. The only downside were the godawful showers. I am far too grown up to put up with a trickle of tepid water. I love the weightlessness of tbe water and delight in passing through a band of sunlight caught in the pool
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Post by choosinghappy on Mar 19, 2019 15:15:16 GMT -5
The swimming was oddly wonderful.... I love the weightlessness of tbe water and delight in passing through a band of sunlight caught in the pool Poetic :-). I love that too.
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Post by lessingham on Mar 19, 2019 15:25:20 GMT -5
Sigh, one day I will master the tricky art of spellchecking.
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jessie83
Junior Member
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Posts: 35
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Post by jessie83 on Mar 29, 2019 18:06:34 GMT -5
You got the “fuck off”? I get that too. Anytime I bring up anything at all that isn’t about the internet or video games. Basically anytime my behavior isn’t pleasing to him. Of course I’m also “fucking psycho”, for wanting an affectionate, intimate marriage. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Wow I get the your a fucking psycho remark too!
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Post by lessingham on Mar 30, 2019 4:37:56 GMT -5
Remember, we are the mirror people. The refusers, basing this on conversations with my wife, think they are normal and have no problems. Hence, it is us who are the sex mad, the psychos, the intolerant and the plain weird. Maybe we are so hungry for sex we are a bit mad around the edges, but we are not the things they label us.
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Post by baza on Mar 30, 2019 19:17:13 GMT -5
Under the mirror scenario, what we might term a "refused spouse" could well be termed as being an unreasonable sex fiend who's wanton desires are driving the marriage into the ditch.
But which ever way you look at it, from the refused spouse's point of view or the refuser spouse's point of view, there is a chasm of incompatibility, and a big fuck up ensues.
Who's view is *right* doesn't matter a rats arse.
If you are a member here, it is highly likely that you are a refused spouse. It is also highly likely that you figure your spouse's refusal is *wrong* and your position is *right*.
And, even if your view that you are *right* is correct, it is not going to help bring the situation to resolution. Any more than if your view that you are *right* is totally incorrect.
Finding fault, apportioning blame, being *right*, taking a moral highground position ..... none of it helps in resolving the problem.
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firefollower
Full Member
Only you can prevent forest fires
Posts: 154
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by firefollower on Mar 30, 2019 20:57:54 GMT -5
Remember, we are the mirror people. The refusers, basing this on conversations with my wife, think they are normal and have no problems. Hence, it is us who are the sex mad, the psychos, the intolerant and the plain weird. Maybe we are so hungry for sex we are a bit mad around the edges, but we are not the things they label us. Well said...I get tire of hearing "that's all you think about"...and "your addicted to sex"...makes you start to doubt your own mental health. Thanks to everyone here for making me feel that I am normal for wanting sex...
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Post by lessingham on Mar 31, 2019 5:05:51 GMT -5
I did not say who was right or wrong, but that we see things differentky, as if in a mirror. Anyhow, I am in the doghouse today. Yesterday was bad, both my don and wife being awkward over food. I shopped, bought food they both like and got a nose turning up. Driving to the shops ny wife went into her passive aggressive mode, sounding off about how no one listens to her, how we cut her off mid flow and I do not reply (hard of hearing guy here, remember darling?) i shouted at her to just shut up. I hate that negative poor little me act. So, I am the bully and violent guy today and must be punished by snide remarks and long silences. I actually don't care, I admire my outburst after all these years
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Post by saarinista on Apr 1, 2019 1:13:12 GMT -5
I did not say who was right or wrong, but that we see things differentky, as if in a mirror. Anyhow, I am in the doghouse today. Yesterday was bad, both my don and wife being awkward over food. I shopped, bought food they both like and got a nose turning up. Driving to the shops ny wife went into her passive aggressive mode, sounding off about how no one listens to her, how we cut her off mid flow and I do not reply (hard of hearing guy here, remember darling?) i shouted at her to just shut up. I hate that negative poor little me act. So, I am the bully and violent guy today and must be punished by snide remarks and long silences. I actually don't care, I admire my outburst after all these years What about HER mistreatment of you? Don't beat yourself up, perhaps for being human and shouting your true feelings for once. Think about her passive aggression and wonder instead why you are staying with a woman who treats you so badly. I admire your outburst, too. Perhaps you're starting to see reality. You matter. You matter.
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Post by lessingham on Apr 1, 2019 7:26:53 GMT -5
On the plus side, it is a lovely April day full of sunshine. Trees are budding and the spring flowers are out. Some days make you smile and be happy. On days like this my sexless marriage fade into the background.
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Post by h on Apr 1, 2019 8:48:52 GMT -5
On the plus side, it is a lovely April day full of sunshine. Trees are budding and the spring flowers are out. Some days make you smile and be happy. On days like this my sexless marriage fade into the background. Ground is still frozen and covered with snow here.
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Post by northstarmom on Apr 1, 2019 8:51:19 GMT -5
Lessingham said : “Yesterday was bad, both my don and wife being awkward over food. I shopped, bought food they both like and got a nose turning up.”
Why’d you bother doing that for your unappreciative wife? You can’t nice her into treating you well and aporeciating you. You can do things to make yourself happy.
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Post by lessingham on Apr 2, 2019 6:39:51 GMT -5
It is the curse of the English, we are desperately addicted to being nice. And on top of that I have my desperate need to be nice, pat my head and I roll over. I have tried therapy for years to try and unlock my assertiveness or even my "New York Strop". In my sillier reflective mood, I believe all the assertive English left and went to live in Australia!
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