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Post by worksforme2 on May 23, 2016 8:33:52 GMT -5
I have had a myriad of experiences in the 6 nearly 7 months since I waded back into the great pool of divorced dating adults. I have had some good dates, some average ones and none that I would describe as a disaster. And in all but 1 case I occasionally talk with the ladies I have dated. The one case being where the woman was somewhat shall we say,.... disturbed.
The last month has seen somewhat of a dry spell for me. I have emailed probably 20 local women with dismal results. Being the inquisitive fellow that I am and noting that most all of my dates have been with women who are at some distance from me I couldn't help but wonder if I was /am doing something wrong? Why is it that the local gals seem to have little interest in me? And the ones who do, seem to have a recurring theme of not actually being able to date, because of their jobs or family obligations. And how is it that the vast majority of ladies that initiate a conversation with me are always some distance away? So I ask 5 of the ladies I dated if they were having any luck with the local talent where they live? It seems we all shared a common experience. The local guys weren't interested in them either, just as the local girls here don't seem to favor me. I don't get it. These women are height/weight proportional. They aren't movie stars, but in no way are they unattractive either. And in several women's profiles I have read their disappointment reflected in what they say to those viewing. And as I have made it a point to go online the last 4 weekends I see many of the women I approached are also at home on Friday and Saturday nights surfing the site. And it doesn't seem to matter if they are average in appearance or knockouts. They are obviously turning down dating opportunities in favor of sitting home in front of a computer screen. Based on the replies from the women I dated the guys are doing the same. Clearly the dating experience is not going well for a significant # of people. The question is "why"? Uh-oh, ...here we go again.
It's somewhat early yet in my sojourn so I am not ready to throw in the towel, but the read at this time suggests that all is not well in the post divorce dating world. Not for the guys and not for the ladies either.
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Post by Dan on May 23, 2016 8:46:36 GMT -5
I "get" the issue you mention. My one suggestion is "vary your dating diet". What I mean is: online dating sites are only one way to meet people. Here are others: Check out meetup.com. Find activities that you like, and go do them. Make friends. Maybe romance will follow. In additional to purely social activities, find a SERVICE activity you like: volunteer at a program reading to kids, or join a local Boy Scout troop as a volunteer leader. Visit the elderly. Build a house with Habitat for Humanity. Help out at a soup kitchen or food pantry. Doing this you are likely to get a sense of fulfillment, you are likely to be around other positive-minded people. And you just might make some friendships... and one of those might become a romance. |
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2016 10:52:59 GMT -5
I wish I could double like, thumbs up and put a cherry on top of Dan's suggestions!! Meetups are a fantastic way to quickly expand your social group, by meeting other people who already have similar interests. Service opportunities are great to weed out folks who don't share some of your passions. My one friend who is now in a fabulous relationship, after divorce (for both of them) met her boyfriend at a service project that paired shelter pets with Veterans - two causes near and dear to her heart. She had also tried online dating to mixed results, but once she started doing service through meetups, she met the types of men she was hoping to find online. She described it as "dating is an ACTION. So, I also had to be in an ACTION mode. Sitting at home on the computer was counterintuitive to "action." Her explanation really struck me and made sense, as "go BE in life, rather than watch it unfold, online." |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 23, 2016 11:15:59 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing your experience worksforme2 . I can't add anything, ( married ,six kids, unemployed) hard to put myself out there. But I do wonder about the future. So I anxiously await responses.
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Post by worksforme2 on May 23, 2016 14:45:22 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing your experience worksforme2 . I can't add anything, ( married ,six kids, unemployed) hard to put myself out there. But I do wonder about the future. So I anxiously await responses. I hope I am misinterpreting your reply. You're married, with 6 kids and unemployed? If that is the case I don't think you are going to enjoy a lot of success. |
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Post by worksforme2 on May 23, 2016 14:54:19 GMT -5
I "get" the issue you mention. My one suggestion is "vary your dating diet". What I mean is: online dating sites are only one way to meet people. Here are others: Check out meetup.com. Find activities that you like, and go do them. Make friends. Maybe romance will follow. In additional to purely social activities, find a SERVICE activity you like: volunteer at a program reading to kids, or join a local Boy Scout troop as a volunteer leader. Visit the elderly. Build a house with Habitat for Humanity. Help out at a soup kitchen or food pantry. Doing this you are likely to get a sense of fulfillment, you are likely to be around other positive-minded people. And you just might make some friendships... and one of those might become a romance. I am pretty active in my church and volunteer at a soup kitchen. In the past I have worked on Habitat Houses but in the 2 I helped with I didn't note any attractive single ladies, but I wasn't specifically looking either. I will have a look at meetup., what could it hurt? |
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Post by Dan on May 23, 2016 14:57:52 GMT -5
I am pretty active in my church and volunteer at a soup kitchen. In the past I have worked on Habitat Houses but in the 2 I helped with I didn't note any attractive single ladies, but I wasn't specifically looking either. Try one volunteer gig for a few weeks, maybe three months. Didn't find the camaraderie or companionship you were looking for? NEXT! PS: Meetup.com is WAY COOL. Check it out. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 23, 2016 15:09:41 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing your experience worksforme2 . I can't add anything, ( married ,six kids, unemployed) hard to put myself out there. But I do wonder about the future. So I anxiously await responses. I hope I am misinterpreting your reply. You're married, with 6 kids and unemployed? If that is the case I don't think you are going to enjoy a lot of success. Thanks for your concern. I am one of the rare few who has lived the reverse roles. My wife is the breadwinner, her income exceeds mine by3x. We live in the top 5 percent. Hence adopting 3 children and having my father in law live with us. My employment is a question of finding the career I want for the next 15 yrs. since I am not pressed for income. The word unemployed is a big deterrent . |
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Post by itsjustus on May 23, 2016 15:43:18 GMT -5
worksforme2 I'm about to dip my toe in the dating pool as well and I'm very curious to see some input, especially from our lady friends here. I would not think that there would be some mysterious geographical barrier to interest. (20 miles? 50 miles? 100+?) It almost seems counter-intuitive. I also just learned about meetup.com from Dan post. I like the sound of it. It makes the experience not so focused on an actual agreement to go on a date , but more on a common interest. And it sounds like fun! And I'm all for that! We'll have to get together and compare some notes! LOL.
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Post by worksforme2 on May 23, 2016 16:13:02 GMT -5
worksforme2 I'm about to dip my toe in the dating pool as well and I'm very curious to see some input, especially from our lady friends here. I would not think that there would be some mysterious geographical barrier to interest. (20 miles? 50 miles? 100+?) It almost seems counter-intuitive. I also just learned about meetup.com from Dan post. I like the sound of it. It makes the experience not so focused on an actual agreement to go on a date , but more on a common interest. And it sounds like fun! And I'm all for that! We'll have to get together and compare some notes! LOL.
It seems counter intuitive to me also. And what I really don't get is why a woman presses a yes button saying she would like to meet me. Then when I email her she doesn't respond. Why be on a dating site if you have no real interest in dating. If it was just me not being successful with the local gals I could understand it. But when I hear the same thing happening to attractive women in other locals I can't help but wonder WTH? And that's the reason given for the ladies who have emailed me from towns 50 to 100 miles away. The local guys aren't interested in them. These are reasonably attractive women, so what gives? And I am going to look at meetup.com. I could use some variety to spice up my life. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 23, 2016 16:32:58 GMT -5
Just a bizarre thing!! I went to look at the local Meetups.com here and saw a group for people that like Blues music, a great group for me as I love Blues music. I clicked on a folder of pictures of one of their recent outings and....there I was!!!! On stage behind their group photo, playing guitar on a Sunday open mic night with a group of my friends. And I REMEMBER THEM!! They were having a blast. A group of about 12 lady's, and two very happy looking guys, all around my age. I remember thinking I'd like to get to know them. Well....I signed up for their next outing. Hopefully, there will be a picture of THREE very happy looking guys soon. LOL!!!
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2016 16:54:04 GMT -5
Just a bizarre thing!! I went to look at the local Meetups.com here and saw a group for people that like Blues music, a great group for me as I love Blues music. I clicked on a folder of pictures of one of their recent outings and....there I was!!!! On stage behind their group photo, playing guitar on a Sunday open mic night with a group of my friends. And I REMEMBER THEM!! They were having a blast. A group of about 12 lady's, and two very happy looking guys, all around my age. I remember thinking I'd like to get to know them. Well....I signed up for their next outing. Hopefully, there will be a picture of THREE very happy looking guys soon. LOL!!! You won't have any fun at all. They're going to make you play. So, you'll be playing while they're dancing and cutting up! |
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Post by itsjustus on May 23, 2016 17:04:35 GMT -5
Just a bizarre thing!! I went to look at the local Meetups.com here and saw a group for people that like Blues music, a great group for me as I love Blues music. I clicked on a folder of pictures of one of their recent outings and....there I was!!!! On stage behind their group photo, playing guitar on a Sunday open mic night with a group of my friends. And I REMEMBER THEM!! They were having a blast. A group of about 12 lady's, and two very happy looking guys, all around my age. I remember thinking I'd like to get to know them. Well....I signed up for their next outing. Hopefully, there will be a picture of THREE very happy looking guys soon. LOL!!! You won't have any fun at all. They're going to make you play. So, you'll be playing while they're dancing and cutting up! Don't we know it!! That's happened in the past, going to party's and end up being schmucked into playing all night. Not going to happen with this group. The mantra's going to be like that bumper sticker you see on pickup trucks. "Yes, I do play guitar. No, I won't"
Unless it's one on one......just sayin.... 
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2016 17:10:10 GMT -5
You won't have any fun at all. They're going to make you play. So, you'll be playing while they're dancing and cutting up! Don't we know it!! That's happened in the past, going to party's and end up being schmucked into playing all night. Not going to happen with this group. The mantra's going to be like that bumper sticker you see on pickup trucks. "Yes, I do play guitar. No, I won't"
Unless it's one on one......just sayin....
Join them somewhere where the entertainment is better than you are. Or you may take the showoff route. "He's Doing it Wrong! Like This!" |
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Post by itsjustus on May 23, 2016 18:06:10 GMT -5
Don't we know it!! That's happened in the past, going to party's and end up being schmucked into playing all night. Not going to happen with this group. The mantra's going to be like that bumper sticker you see on pickup trucks. "Yes, I do play guitar. No, I won't"
Unless it's one on one......just sayin....
Join them somewhere where the entertainment is better than you are. Or you may take the showoff route. "He's Doing it Wrong! Like This!" It can be hard being a musician out somewhere with friends. One wrong note.....arrghh.... LOL. |
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