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Post by ironhamster on Oct 3, 2018 8:34:01 GMT -5
Anything is better than where I was, and I know what I have moving forward. I am not happy about the deal, though. I will have some time to mull it over, and reconstruct my life, but it is a bitter pill to swallow. She went after my overtime, so I will cut back and there will be no overtime. She extended the child support, so I will work to get my daughter emancipated. I was adamant that her massive cash settlement and my offer to cover my eldest's college expenses would get me out of cutting a check to her lawyer, but it didn't. It is a token payment. It will not come in a standard envelope. It will come welded in a steel box. I don't like to be told what to do. The payment is about fucking with me. I will fuck back. Forget the steel box. Pay the bitch in nickels and dimes. Coins are quickly counted by machines at the bank, and he can claim they are not there and he needs another payment. This is a lawyer that lost - vaporized, like he threw it away or it sprouted legs and left his office - my financial information twice. I had thought of sending him a stack of 20's spooged together with egg whites, but, I am sure he will lose that, so it needs to be in check form. |
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Post by shamwow on Oct 3, 2018 8:46:04 GMT -5
Forget the steel box. Pay the bitch in nickels and dimes. Coins are quickly counted by machines at the bank, and he can claim they are not there and he needs another payment. This is a lawyer that lost - vaporized, like he threw it away or it sprouted legs and left his office - my financial information twice. I had thought of sending him a stack of 20's spooged together with egg whites, but, I am sure he will lose that, so it needs to be in check form. Was mostly joking but if it were me I'd send her like 50 bucks a month in loose change format. Let her bring it to the bank. It would be hardera work than she put into the marriage from what I gathered from your story. Now, me? I pay via check. Single biggest expense every month except rent. However I fled my homeland of Illinois decades ago and in the more civilized state of Texas we don't have alimony. Easier pill to swallow for sure. |
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 3, 2018 9:04:01 GMT -5
Coins are quickly counted by machines at the bank, and he can claim they are not there and he needs another payment. This is a lawyer that lost - vaporized, like he threw it away or it sprouted legs and left his office - my financial information twice. I had thought of sending him a stack of 20's spooged together with egg whites, but, I am sure he will lose that, so it needs to be in check form. Was mostly joking but if it were me I'd send her like 50 bucks a month in loose change format. Let her bring it to the bank. It would be hardera work than she put into the marriage from what I gathered from your story. Now, me? I pay via check. Single biggest expense every month except rent. However I fled my homeland of Illinois decades ago and in the more civilized state of Texas we don't have alimony. Easier pill to swallow for sure. My alimony will come right out of my paycheck. My child support will be sent to the state. My eldest and her university will receive checks from me. My lawyer and I will settle up in a normal fashion. I was adamant that I was not going to pay her lawyer anything, but he was demanding I cover his balance of $2500. I made the offer that my wife pay him, and I cover $4000 in college expenses. The judge ruled that I still pay the college expenses but lowered my payment to him from $2500 to $500. This took a lot of wind out of my sails. I should have ended the negotiations and come home at that point, because I ended up giving up on more nickel-dime issues and getting nothing back for the remainder. |
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Post by workingonit on Oct 3, 2018 10:14:42 GMT -5
ironhamster did your outsourcing come up? Did your lawyer tell you it would make you less sympathetic? Reading it again I am angry in your behalf for the magnitude of this financial burden. Just curious if IL just sucks or if your particular situation made it worse.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 3, 2018 11:02:01 GMT -5
ironhamster did your outsourcing come up? Did your lawyer tell you it would make you less sympathetic? Reading it again I am angry in your behalf for the magnitude of this financial burden. Just curious if IL just sucks or if your particular situation made it worse. It was never an issue. Illinois law is "no fault." They do not care why. All the law is concerned with is to "maintain the standard of living to which the [lazy] spouse has become accustomed to." I am inserting lazy because it is not included in the actual wording, but the living standards of the working spouse are not a consideration. The biggest issue was not setting the maintenance at 30% of my previous three years of overtime bloated income. I do not mind busting my ass to provide for my family, but I am not going to work like that for a lazy ex. |
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Post by workingonit on Oct 3, 2018 11:05:19 GMT -5
ironhamster did your outsourcing come up? Did your lawyer tell you it would make you less sympathetic? Reading it again I am angry in your behalf for the magnitude of this financial burden. Just curious if IL just sucks or if your particular situation made it worse. It was never an issue. Illinois law is "no fault." They do not care why. All the law is concerned with is to "maintain the standard of living to which the [lazy] spouse has become accustomed to." I am inserting lazy because it is not included in the actual wording, but the living standards of the working spouse are not a consideration. The biggest issue was not setting the maintenance at 30% of my previous three years of overtime bloated income. I do not mind busting my ass to provide for my family, but I am not going to work like that for a lazy ex. Can you reopen this case if she were to, say, win the lottery? Or get a high paying job? (This might be a standard divorce agreement question I just don't know about) |
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Post by javba on Oct 3, 2018 11:54:00 GMT -5
@ Iron Hamster, Man you'll have to become a gold digger now ;-)
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 3, 2018 12:45:10 GMT -5
It was never an issue. Illinois law is "no fault." They do not care why. All the law is concerned with is to "maintain the standard of living to which the [lazy] spouse has become accustomed to." I am inserting lazy because it is not included in the actual wording, but the living standards of the working spouse are not a consideration. The biggest issue was not setting the maintenance at 30% of my previous three years of overtime bloated income. I do not mind busting my ass to provide for my family, but I am not going to work like that for a lazy ex. Can you reopen this case if she were to, say, win the lottery? Or get a high paying job? (This might be a standard divorce agreement question I just don't know about) Part of the problem is that divorce is an industry. I made the argument during the gay marriage debate that they were demanding the wrong thing, that they should be arguing to stop government from recognizing any marriage, but my argument never got traction. Now lawyers have an additional group to milk. If I could have bought stock in the divorce industry, I'd be retired. The agreements are modifiable. You just need a lawyer that will take your money and file the paperwork. I hope I can make an argument like that some day. I wish my wife every success in earning or winning her own money. I don't have much hope she will improve, though. |
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 3, 2018 12:50:10 GMT -5
@ Iron Hamster, Man you'll have to become a gold digger now ;-) I will be fine. I can live modestly on my income, without overtime. I am a recovering workahaulic. I have not had much of a life outside of work. I will have one, now. |
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Post by shamwow on Oct 3, 2018 13:10:45 GMT -5
@ Iron Hamster, Man you'll have to become a gold digger now ;-) I will be fine. I can live modestly on my income, without overtime. I am a recovering workahaulic. I have not had much of a life outside of work. I will have one, now. Was being a workaholic a coping mechanism? If so it sucks that its biting you in the ass. One question is about moving to a different state. From what I've read, they (rightly) jump on deadbeat dad's who move states to avoid child support. However, when the kids are out, it is considerably more difficult to chase people down for alimony. Seems like half the state is fleeing the Land of Lincoln anyway (I'm a refugee myself). This might be a good reason to do the same. And by the way fleeing the state is in jest. It likely wouldn't work. Fleeing the country on the other hand? 😉 |
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 3, 2018 13:50:29 GMT -5
I will be fine. I can live modestly on my income, without overtime. I am a recovering workahaulic. I have not had much of a life outside of work. I will have one, now. Was being a workaholic a coping mechanism? If so it sucks that its biting you in the ass. One question is about moving to a different state. From what I've read, they (rightly) jump on deadbeat dad's who move states to avoid child support. However, when the kids are out, it is considerably more difficult to chase people down for alimony. Seems like half the state is fleeing the Land of Lincoln anyway (I'm a refugee myself). This might be a good reason to do the same. And by the way fleeing the state is in jest. It likely wouldn't work. Fleeing the country on the other hand? 😉 My grandfather and father were both workaholics, also. I think it runs in the family. It helped me cope, for sure. I was the designated provider, but in time no matter how much I worked, the money disappeared. I do not believe my ex stashed money away from me. I think she pissed it all away. When I moved out, I went back into the master bedroom to retrieve my dresser and remaining clothes. Crap was stacked everywhere. The walk in closet was packed. She might have been a frugal shopper, but buying lots of crap at a good price does not mean the money went to good use. I will not try to get out of my child support, and, I expect I will be funding my youngest's college expenses, also. I won't run from that. If I can figure out how to minimize my maintenance, though, I will as soon as the last chick flies out of the nest. Fleeing the country, understanding that you are never returning, and renouncing your citizenship, works fine with me. |
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Post by shamwow on Oct 3, 2018 17:04:34 GMT -5
Was being a workaholic a coping mechanism? If so it sucks that its biting you in the ass. One question is about moving to a different state. From what I've read, they (rightly) jump on deadbeat dad's who move states to avoid child support. However, when the kids are out, it is considerably more difficult to chase people down for alimony. Seems like half the state is fleeing the Land of Lincoln anyway (I'm a refugee myself). This might be a good reason to do the same. And by the way fleeing the state is in jest. It likely wouldn't work. Fleeing the country on the other hand? 😉 My grandfather and father were both workaholics, also. I think it runs in the family. It helped me cope, for sure. I was the designated provider, but in time no matter how much I worked, the money disappeared. I do not believe my ex stashed money away from me. I think she pissed it all away. When I moved out, I went back into the master bedroom to retrieve my dresser and remaining clothes. Crap was stacked everywhere. The walk in closet was packed. She might have been a frugal shopper, but buying lots of crap at a good price does not mean the money went to good use. I will not try to get out of my child support, and, I expect I will be funding my youngest's college expenses, also. I won't run from that. If I can figure out how to minimize my maintenance, though, I will as soon as the last chick flies out of the nest. Fleeing the country, understanding that you are never returning, and renouncing your citizenship, works fine with me. OMG I had the same "frugal hoarder" wife. When we moved it took at least a half dozen trips from Purple Heart to get rid of all of the crap. All of those purchases were "good deals", no doubt. Much of it still had the tags on. As distasteful as writing that huge check to her was, it was far preferable to her running us into the ground. I used to joke that we were a four income family. It's just that I had all the incomes. The sad part is that even with me working 2-4 jobs at a time, she spent every dime I didn't auto deposit somewhere she couldn't touch it. By the time our youngest graduates high school I will have paid about 120k in child support. She spends it on maids, spa memberships, vacations (two to Florida this year including professional photography of course). In less than 4 years the youngest graduates and she will have pissed away that money. Then back to her $36k salary to support herself. It will be entertaining to watch to say the least when $2,200 per month drops out of her budget. |
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Post by workingonit on Oct 3, 2018 18:02:01 GMT -5
I am the supporter in my family. Recently looking at the numbers I realized how well I could be doing if I were not supporting my h. He is not a big spender in the ways you guys describe but he is an academic with a HUGE library. HUGE. Like not quite believable huge. Our book budget is an emormous drain on our resources.
I also dream of a very simple and minimalist life. That is my nature. I would rather travel/have experiences than have stuff. I have always looked at this massive library as such a burden due to the amount of space, shelves, etc it takes to have. It is one of those things I look forward to not having to fund or support in the future.
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Post by shamwow on Oct 3, 2018 18:27:56 GMT -5
I am the supporter in my family. Recently looking at the numbers I realized how well I could be doing if I were not supporting my h. He is not a big spender in the ways you guys describe but he is an academic with a HUGE library. HUGE. Like not quite believable huge. Our book budget is an emormous drain on our resources. I also dream of a very simple and minimalist life. That is my nature. I would rather travel/have experiences than have stuff. I have always looked at this massive library as such a burden due to the amount of space, shelves, etc it takes to have. It is one of those things I look forward to not having to fund or support in the future. My book library numbers over 20,000. Meticulously collected over a period of years. All kindle format and all "liberated" online. I could put them on my phone if I wished. Seriously, though. Being a spender is not a gender specific thing. ballofconfusion's ex has a talent for it I've never seen in another human being. |
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Post by itsmytime2be on Oct 3, 2018 23:51:44 GMT -5
I have to say, mine was expensive, too. Kills me, and truly makes me wish I'd have left 15 years sooner than I did. I'll never be able to get those years back! In the end though, freedom was, and still is, worth the cost!!!!
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