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Post by isthisit on Dec 9, 2018 12:42:10 GMT -5
[Which I eat by myself because her and the kids eat together as a family when I’m not there.
Michael you have every right to rant. I am so sorry you find yourself in these circumstances. You sound like a hardworking man with integrity who is doing his best in an exceptionally trying situation. My heart squeezed when I read that the family who depend on you do not wait to eat with you. That’s breathtakingly unappreciative of you and efforts to support your family. Your post raises an issue which I have noticed on my short time here- the sense of entitlement evident amongst many of the wives of men on this forum. Many wives are reported as financially dependent with expectations of lifelong financial support simply for wearing a wedding ring. This is totally alien to me- I am financially independent from my H (actually earn considerably more nowadays) and expect to receive exactly 50% of our assets and not one penny more. And as for ongoing financial support.... why on earth would that be appropriate?. I have an education, skills and energy, and most importantly am an adult and not a child. Apologies if this view is culturally influenced, I have no wish to offend anyone, or any culture- just makes no sense to me. Important also to note: In contrast the ladies of ILIASM give the impression of talented, hard working and independent women. Isn’t that interesting? Entitled and frigid vs libidinous and independent. If only we knew then what we know now huh??
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Post by Handy on Dec 9, 2018 12:49:55 GMT -5
michael, that sounds like you are being used as a paycheck or should I spell it cheque. Also Hydro as I know it is the Canadian equivalent to the USA electric bill.
After my stepdad died I had to get a minimum wage job to support myself and my mother. I was almost 18 and took a 54 hr a week job and often worked extra half shifts so my pay would be from 59 to 64 and sometimes a few more hours a week. The work was easy so I didn't mind at the time.
To do it again if I was in your position would really irritate me to the Nth degree.
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Post by michael on Dec 9, 2018 14:41:29 GMT -5
Thanks isthisit. I’m glad someone else can recognize that. I’m embarrassed to tell anyone that I actually know, so I rant here.
.
Yes handy. Hydro is the Canadian version of the electric bill. And yes, I do feel used.
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Post by workingonit on Dec 10, 2018 10:27:18 GMT -5
michael this is an absurd arrangement. At the very least get yourself a bed! I am so sorry to hear about your arrangement. We are all here to vent so don't hold back. isthisit that is super interesting about independence and libido. I am curious about the correlation. Of course it would not always work out that way but interesting to think of trends. I will say that sometimes support should be offered. My sister is married to a dr and they have 4 kids. When the last 2 were toddlers her h wanted to open his own practice. She gave up her tenured job as a teacher to run his practice and take care of the kids to avoid childcare costs. She worked really hard for him- did all his billing, scheduling and office management. She was not paid. Now he closed his practice and they arelooking at divorce. She is having a hard time getting back into teaching as she is close to 50. If they divorce I believe she should be supported for the rest of her life. She gave up her independence for his success. Just a thought to counter your post.
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Post by choosinghappy on Dec 10, 2018 12:21:40 GMT -5
[Which I eat by myself because her and the kids eat together as a family when I’m not there. Michael you have every right to rant. I am so sorry you find yourself in these circumstances. You sound like a hardworking man with integrity who is doing his best in an exceptionally trying situation. My heart squeezed when I read that the family who depend on you do not wait to eat with you. That’s breathtakingly unappreciative of you and efforts to support your family. Your post raises an issue which I have noticed on my short time here- the sense of entitlement evident amongst many of the wives of men on this forum. Many wives are reported as financially dependent with expectations of lifelong financial support simply for wearing a wedding ring. This is totally alien to me- I am financially independent from my H (actually earn considerably more nowadays) and expect to receive exactly 50% of our assets and not one penny more. And as for ongoing financial support.... why on earth would that be appropriate?. I have an education, skills and energy, and most importantly am an adult and not a child. Apologies if this view is culturally influenced, I have no wish to offend anyone, or any culture- just makes no sense to me. Important also to note: In contrast the ladies of ILIASM give the impression of talented, hard working and independent women. Isn’t that interesting? Entitled and frigid vs libidinous and independent. If only we knew then what we know now huh?? I don’t disagree with you but would just like to point out that through this forum, we are only getting one side of the story. It’s been a bit eye opening the few times a spouse of the refused has come onto this site and revealed his or her own side of the story. As with anything in life, the issues in our SMs are rarely so black and white. |
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Post by isthisit on Dec 10, 2018 14:38:37 GMT -5
michael this is an absurd arrangement. At the very least get yourself a bed! I am so sorry to hear about your arrangement. We are all here to vent so don't hold back. isthisit that is super interesting about independence and libido. I am curious about the correlation. Of course it would not always work out that way but interesting to think of trends. I will say that sometimes support should be offered. My sister is married to a dr and they have 4 kids. When the last 2 were toddlers her h wanted to open his own practice. She gave up her tenured job as a teacher to run his practice and take care of the kids to avoid childcare costs. She worked really hard for him- did all his billing, scheduling and office management. She was not paid. Now he closed his practice and they arelooking at divorce. She is having a hard time getting back into teaching as she is close to 50. If they divorce I believe she should be supported for the rest of her life. She gave up her independence for his success. Just a thought to counter your post. Workingonit that’s a terrible story about your sister- it sounds like she was thoroughly shafted by her H and deserves every entitlement to shared assets with Dr Twunt. I also know women who have been actively encouraged to relinquish careers by men who later behave reprehensively. I have wondered whether some of these men purposely attempt to position these women into dependence upon them. I agree with you that every circumstance is unique to its context and the players in the story. |
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Post by isthisit on Dec 10, 2018 14:44:07 GMT -5
[Which I eat by myself because her and the kids eat together as a family when I’m not there. Michael you have every right to rant. I am so sorry you find yourself in these circumstances. You sound like a hardworking man with integrity who is doing his best in an exceptionally trying situation. My heart squeezed when I read that the family who depend on you do not wait to eat with you. That’s breathtakingly unappreciative of you and efforts to support your family. Your post raises an issue which I have noticed on my short time here- the sense of entitlement evident amongst many of the wives of men on this forum. Many wives are reported as financially dependent with expectations of lifelong financial support simply for wearing a wedding ring. This is totally alien to me- I am financially independent from my H (actually earn considerably more nowadays) and expect to receive exactly 50% of our assets and not one penny more. And as for ongoing financial support.... why on earth would that be appropriate?. I have an education, skills and energy, and most importantly am an adult and not a child. Apologies if this view is culturally influenced, I have no wish to offend anyone, or any culture- just makes no sense to me. Important also to note: In contrast the ladies of ILIASM give the impression of talented, hard working and independent women. Isn’t that interesting? Entitled and frigid vs libidinous and independent. If only we knew then what we know now huh?? I don’t disagree with you but would just like to point out that through this forum, we are only getting one side of the story. It’s been a bit eye opening the few times a spouse of the refused has come onto this site and revealed his or her own side of the story. As with anything in life, the issues in our SMs are rarely so black and white. Indeed you are spot on here, every story is good until another is told. After all, we only have everyone’s word for it that they are not getting a thorough seeing to three times a day. I am super intrigued with your description of spouses providing counter stories to posters here. I will have a rummage in the archives to see if I can find them. |
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Post by darktippedrose on Dec 18, 2018 15:52:37 GMT -5
Except for once, I haven't slept next to my husband since I was 29. I was sick and tired of falling asleep by myself. And crying myself to sleep. My husband couldn't even stand to hold my hand in bed. Even in his sleep, he'd withdraw himself. I felt like I had leprosy or something.
It just hurt soooooo much.
So when we moved, I got my own bed. I haven't had my own room to sleep in since I was 20. Everyone else has a room. I sleep in the living room in a bed.
One time i asked my husband to tuck me into bed. he hadn't touched me in years. It was beyond awkward. 100x worse than sex for the first time.
and it gave me anxiety. I couldn't sleep. It was cold. I never asked again.
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Post by heelots on Dec 8, 2021 12:02:08 GMT -5
When she moved to the lazy boy in the living room a few years ago it was the best thing that ever happened to our joke of a marriage in years! Just underscored our room mate status, removed all likelihood of any ideas of intimacy on any level, and firmly cemented an emotional barrier between us that is reinforced every night when I go to bed.
Honestly, we both simply tolerate the other it is really that simple. If I went tits up tomorrow it would likely be a welcome relief for us both. I think we are both too damned mean, resentful, and stubborn to walk away. I think we would both prefer to just stay here together and make the other one hate their life equally!
Thank goodness I am note resentful and just hating my life right?
Nope, I refuse to give her half and live in poverty, I would prefer this! You could not give me another woman on a bet! 23 years of hell with her has taught me that much, knowing my luck, if such an opportunity ever came up I would end up with some fire breathing stone cold bitch more evil than the one I have been shackled to for all these years....
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Post by Handy on Dec 8, 2021 12:19:01 GMT -5
Heelots
I think we are both too damned mean, resentful, and stubborn to walk away. I think we would both prefer to just stay here together and make the other one hate their life equally!
I question if you or your W are too dammed mean. There is something to say about knowing your living expenses VS the possibility of living alone and what that would cost.
Maybe I inject what my situation is like too much.
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Post by heelots on Dec 8, 2021 23:11:03 GMT -5
I suspect you are correct based on our past conversations Handy. I hope you are doing well.
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Post by Handy on Dec 9, 2021 0:21:05 GMT -5
Heelots, I had two different bugs for a nasty kidney infection. Extremely cold at first, then a 102 fever so I went to Emergency Sunday evening. Three days on IV antibiotics in the hospital's "over flow" ward. A big long room, no windows, cubicles with curtains, a good bed, nurses from out of town, nurse stations down the middle of the ward, 2 shared toilets and 1 shower/toilet room. I had good service and reasonable food but little to do because the "over flow ward" was next to the public area so walking the halls for exercise was allowed. Now at home with fourteen days of two different antibiotic pills and I hope the two infections are cured.
Tomorrow I have to go through the refrigerator and throw out the food I cooked pre-hospital stay. My W does TV dinners if I am not home.
The "over flow" ward is used when there are too many clients for the available rooms. Covid cases cause the hospital to be over capacity and some military are helping plus all of the traveling medical staff being employed. Only 1 nurse was local in the "over flow" ward. Thanks you all that refuse to get vaccinated but need help when you get a serious case of covid. (not)
How come I can get 2 jabs and a booster jab AND the seasonal flu jab, and some people think no government is going to tell then what to do? Maybe some of those people do not have car insurance, thinking they will not be in an accident. I have a decent auto insurance policy, house insurance for multiple disasters, but some people think they are immune to covid and other common hazards. I think our governor is an idiot, he supports weekly testing as a perfect alternative to vaccination.
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