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Post by Caris on Sept 14, 2018 20:29:12 GMT -5
“ I am not saying there is never a time a woman might be fearful, but to say it always happens is just as naive. And untrue. And an excuse.” You are greatly underestimating the percentage of women who are assaulted by men. One out of every 4 women is a rape survivor. I have seen thecteality of that from talking to women I know. My best h.s. Friend was raped while in high school by a boy whom she’d just met. My other h.s. Best friend was raped just after h.s. by a classmate. Both girls were virgins. A woman I know was shot by a coworker whose advanced she’s rejected. I know 2 women whose mothers were killed by abusive husband’s. I know many women who had abusivr husbands. This includes my ex’s former secretary who abruptly quit her job and fled to another state to escape her ex. If you honestly think you don’t know women who have been assaulted by men, your closed mindedness on the subject probably prevents women from revealing that info to you. Meanwhile men lie, too, in romantic situations. But men are less likely to lie out of fear that women will physically harm them if the menflat out say they aren’t interested in a relationship. How many men do you know who have been cursed at or threatened for not speaking to or smiling at a flirtatious stranger. It would be hard to find a woman who has not experienced this. It pains me to agree with you because of all this #Metoo BS that’s prevelant these days, as in “some guy asked me for a date,” and it’s labeled as sexual assault. That diminishes real sexual assault. However, if I told you how many times I’ve been sexually assaulted, I’d have to go get a pen and paper, and go through my memory in chronological order, but it’s a lot. Most assaults were by strangers...one on a train, several in the street I was walking on at different times in my life, at work places. Some were verbal (really disgusting and vulgar), others were physical. Some were minor and others traumatic. One of the worst was at a work party, and happened right in full view of co-workers and management, and no one did anything while I was screaming and trying to hold on to my underwear being pulled off. It was horrendous. In those days, we didn’t report things like we do today, and it was in England, and pretty much accepted that attractive women would be accosted. My very first work interview when I was still in my late teens, had the manager eye me up and down, and say, “hmm, I’d say you are 36-24-36. Am I right? I was so shy and shocked, I couldn’t speak. That kind of harassment happened several times through my work life (and others said a lot worse than my first manager), until the culture changed. I hate PC, but in this instance it certainly helped women. I’m sorry GC. I know this has nothing to do with your post, but as NSM brought it up, I wanted to respond. Anyway, many posts go off on a tangent. I know some of mine were hijacked over the years. You just roll with it because people make associations with what’s been said. |
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Post by baza on Sept 14, 2018 20:31:25 GMT -5
Staying on topic is not one of our collective strong points in this group.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 14, 2018 20:44:16 GMT -5
“
I am not saying there is never a time a woman might be fearful, but to say it always happens is just as naive. And untrue. And an excuse.”
I don’t think I’ve said that women always are fearful. It’s certainly true though that many women could avoid rape or other assault if they were fearful more such as being fearful enough to watch their drinks. Certainly some women are manipulative in a bad way when they communicate with men. Other women are not straightforward for fear the men will hurt them.
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Post by saarinista on Sept 15, 2018 2:21:29 GMT -5
I'll be honest-the me too thing has gone too far, too fast. it's become pop culture in my opinion. yeah, there are problems but it's going to take more than multimillion dollar lawsuits and Twitter hash tag campaigns to overcome them. it's going to take time. I get annoyed that we're judging people now against a standard that didn't exist years ago when some of these incidents happened. I'm not talking violent rape-sure that's relevant to pursue today even if it's decades old. but stuff like a pinch on te rear 30 years ago? let it go. things need to change but let's not be overly harsh judging old stuff like that using today's standards. some will disagree. no worries. The MAIN thing I want to say is greatcoastal yay, you had great sex. I wouldn't worry about what this woman is thinking. just move along! who knows, maybe you'll hear from her again. regardless it will be fine. and take the comments here with a grain of salt, including mine. |
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Post by saarinista on Sept 15, 2018 2:23:01 GMT -5
Staying on topic is not one of our collective strong points in this group. maybe we need an appointed keeper 8n topic person. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2018 20:09:36 GMT -5
Staying on topic is not one of our collective strong points in this group. maybe we need an appointed keeper 8n topic person. Sorry, you just violated the rules  |
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Post by saarinista on Sept 15, 2018 23:38:31 GMT -5
maybe we need an appointed keeper 8n topic person. Sorry, you just violated the rules by suggesting we need a moderator or talking about "me too" ? |
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Post by ihadalove on Sept 20, 2018 19:42:06 GMT -5
Why is it insulting to you personally? No one is accusing you of being a rapist. I’d think that since you have at least one daughter you’d be interested in how much legitimate fear women have of men and how prevalent it is that women are hurt or threatened by men. He wants to talk about the topic he started. If people want to talk about women and metoo there's an off topic forum for it. She said we can still be friends because she wanted to end the romantic relationship, but it also means she doesn't really want to be friends. It's supposed to be a gentle letdown. Better than "it's been fun but it's over and we won't be speaking again." |
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 21, 2018 6:07:12 GMT -5
What many are not understanding is that the topic of women and sexual assault did relate to bios topic. After a long marriage to a woman whom he described as a manipulative controller, he was trying to figure out why women may not be straightforward about whether they wished to date or have sex with him. His inclination was to assume that such women were manipulative controllers like his ex. My take is that many women are not straightforward because they fear men’s violent reactions.
The me too movement is not a farce. It exists because of the many women who are harmed and threatened by men. To angrily write off women as manipulative controllers because they do not directly state they don’t want today’s or have sex with one is to misrepresent many women. Women’s fears are based on the prevalence of male’s violence against women. Even if one is a man who has never been violent or threatened such violence women may fear you. This is not an insult. It is women’s being realistically self protective.
I’m sure virtually every woman here has either experienced violence or the threat of violence from a man or has had a woman friend who has. The women I know include one woman who was shot by a rejected suited; a woman professor who had to take a former student to court for stalking her; a woman who has a no contact order against a stalker who even disabled her security system; a woman raped by a former boyfriend; several women whose ex husbands were physically abusive; two women whose fathers killed their moms; other women who were date raped. And there have been plenty of women including me who have been called vulgar names when refusing or ignoring the overtures of complete strangers on the street.
When one posts a situation here responses may spin off in directions one didn’t anticipate. That doesn’t make the responses less valid.
I most respond here out of a genuine desire to give helpful support or advice.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 21, 2018 9:20:54 GMT -5
The shoe is on the other foot now. I met a woman online. We had a few discussions by text. She posted neck up pics. She works a full time job, a part time job, and is raising three kids, her ex is in jail.
WE live 7 miles from each other. She is close to my age.
I got to treat her to dinner , I received her company. I am not the least bit sexually attracted to her. I like her very much as a person!
I do not wish to continue to "ghost" her. She deserves some honest feedback. I could easily like to meet with her again, have more conversations with her, encourage her with -as I like to call it -"pressing forward with her journey".
I am lousy and woefully inexperienced at wording such things in a text message.
Should I even go there?
Doesn't she deserve an explanation or a response?
I've had multiple woman whom I can share my daily stories with, why can't I offer her the same thing to do with me? If she so desires?
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 11, 2019 7:12:29 GMT -5
You may have come on too strong in terms of romance. She may not be ready or love, but have been comfortable with a casual WB. If my post SM over ad come on strong at first, I would have been scare away despite the great sex. WB??? No not to strong. Not strong enough for her liking in some ways. She wanted more of the sex! Hot and ready! She couldn't even wait a day, when I would have had the house to myself. We did it in the backseat of my car, ( My kids were asleep in the house) something I haven't done since I was 19! After 10 years of vanila and 15 yrs of nothing with my ex, do you think I was ready for that? I wanted to talk and build my way up, she wanted me to shut up and was all over me. Her words where full of affirmation. " I love to submit to you, you are like a dream! I love that you hold my hand and take the lead, I've been thinking about this for days!. I've never wanted to do this with someone else like this before, but I trust you so much, you're so open with me, I love your honesty" ( I will edit out the ummm ...other compliments ) (I am not bragging) Instead I am confessing ( to a group that I would think could understand) that I am really not used to that! If I am used to anything, it's certainly NOT me being an agressive 'sex only 'guy! Days later she said to me " I had a date a year ago with a guy who was in a SM like you, I tried to work with him, he could not leave his marriage, I don't think I want to go through that again". I responded to that quickly, "we are not the same. I AM DIVORCED I made my choice, I have already been through that, I am already on my way to healing, my own houses, my way, my rules." As shamwow said " on to the next contestant". I received closure on this a few months ago. I was told by another female friend of this woman " she went back to her guy friend who promised her he would leave his SM, but never did." I was also told by this female friend of this woman" we are no longer friends. She won't speak with me. She also is no longer living with her male long time room mate. He cut off all contact with her. She doesn't come to the meetup group anymore". ( there is much more involved in all those stories. MONEY-her lack of it-, and her dismal track record, is another factor. I really wasn't interested in hearing too much about it. The truth was clear enough.) Lots of 'closure' that ....." it ain't me" . This woman has problems of her own! Fortunately I am currently having much better success with a different woman. One who understands friendship, and the importance of "giving/receiving sex and intimacy" and all that comes with it! |
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