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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 10, 2018 9:38:09 GMT -5
"It doesn't mean we cant be friends".
What does that mean to you?
( I looked and read 35 pages for a place to add on this question, and couldn't find it. Maybe it needs a thread of its own?)
Life lesson 101, when someone says that to you, it can have totally opposite meanings from one person to another.
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Post by jamesbonding on Sept 10, 2018 10:46:03 GMT -5
It's a double negative, so I would interpret it to mean "We can be friends."
It sounds like something one would say after a rejection, like "Sorry, you're not my type" (you're not the sort of person I would want to date or have as a romantic partner), "but that doesn't mean we can't be friends." It's meant to reduce the sting of the rejection and to reassure you that you're an OK person (maybe someone else would want to date you), and, hey, we can be friends. We can talk (just not in a romantic way), and do whatever "just friends" do.
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Post by WindSister on Sept 10, 2018 13:16:54 GMT -5
I also take it to mean there's no romantic interest at all and a way to soften the blow of rejection.
I think most of the time a friendship doesn't happen, but sometimes it may. Depends on the two parties involved.
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Post by WindSister on Sept 10, 2018 13:18:26 GMT -5
" Life lesson 101, when someone says that to you, it can have totally opposite meanings from one person to another. This is because most people play games, are passive aggressive, avoidant, etc. Very few people are direct and honest. |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 10, 2018 13:22:46 GMT -5
"It doesn't mean we cant be friends". What does that mean to you? ( I looked and read 35 pages for a place to add on this question, and couldn't find it. Maybe it needs a thread of its own?) Life lesson 101, when someone says that to you, it can have totally opposite meanings from one person to another. It means that it's not a romantic match. Better to find out now than later. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 10, 2018 15:04:05 GMT -5
I also take it to mean there's no romantic interest at all and a way to soften the blow of rejection. I think most of the time a friendship doesn't happen, but sometimes it may. Depends on the two parties involved. Actually, in this day and age, Full blown all out erotic sex first (after being told that there is so much chemistry between us)..... then friendship- only to have her not want to be much of a friend at all. ( so I have read about the current upcoming generation,AND was gobsmacked to experience this, with someone older than me). |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 10, 2018 15:37:14 GMT -5
My 3 cents on this? (and I would really like to hear from others and not taint the subject) The word "friend, friends, friendship" is rarely used by me, and has a way deeper meaning.
I recall my past 20 years of raising children:
When your FRIEND is over at our house you need to treat them like a guest, you ask them what they want and you share your things".
We have new neighbors moving in, they have kids your age, you are going to have a new FRIEND?
Hey I saw you talking with all the other players on your team, are you going to have any new FRIENDS?
How was your first day at school? Where any of your FRIENDS in your classes?
How was your bus ride? Did you get to sit with any of your FRIENDS?
No ones carrying your bookbag? And you're on crutches? Where are all these FRIENDS of yours?
Why don't you call your FRIENDS and have them come over the house today? Or I'll take you to your FRIENDS house.
You where a good FRIEND the way you helped out your neighbor like that.
People who served in the military together, and gave their lives for each other, they talk about their FRIENDS.
We met in 1st grade we are still FRIENDS.
Neighbors who have just met you and immediately tell you " anything you need to borrow, just let me know, what's mine is yours, need a ride or help with something I'll be glad to! That's what FRIENDS are for.
I could go on.... you get my drift.
Yes, I have had platonic friendships, surface friendships, I don't introduce those people as my "FRIEND".
When we talk on here about "your support network" that involves FRIENDS.
When someone dumps you after a date or two and says " lets be friends, or you are like a friend to me, or you are like a brother/sister," and is really "rejecting you politely" I am going to have to get used to what that "phrase" means, and not take it literally, and guess I got it right, or just ask outright for more clarification. It just seems like more "word salad" to have to deal with.
After being around other woman (mostly other moms) and getting to know them ,we became "FRIENDS", True friends, part of my support network.
I guess my old school is showing?!!
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 10, 2018 16:46:14 GMT -5
It means she’s not going to fuck you but would go out with you.
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Post by shamwow on Sept 10, 2018 17:00:39 GMT -5
My 3 cents on this? (and I would really like to hear from others and not taint the subject) The word "friend, friends, friendship" is rarely used by me, and has a way deeper meaning. I recall my past 20 years of raising children: When your FRIEND is over at our house you need to treat them like a guest, you ask them what they want and you share your things". We have new neighbors moving in, they have kids your age, you are going to have a new FRIEND? Hey I saw you talking with all the other players on your team, are you going to have any new FRIENDS? How was your first day at school? Where any of your FRIENDS in your classes? How was your bus ride? Did you get to sit with any of your FRIENDS? No ones carrying your bookbag? And you're on crutches? Where are all these FRIENDS of yours? Why don't you call your FRIENDS and have them come over the house today? Or I'll take you to your FRIENDS house. You where a good FRIEND the way you helped out your neighbor like that. People who served in the military together, and gave their lives for each other, they talk about their FRIENDS. We met in 1st grade we are still FRIENDS. Neighbors who have just met you and immediately tell you " anything you need to borrow, just let me know, what's mine is yours, need a ride or help with something I'll be glad to! That's what FRIENDS are for. I could go on.... you get my drift. Yes, I have had platonic friendships, surface friendships, I don't introduce those people as my "FRIEND". When we talk on here about "your support network" that involves FRIENDS. When someone dumps you after a date or two and says " lets be friends, or you are like a friend to me, or you are like a brother/sister," and is really "rejecting you politely" I am going to have to get used to what that "phrase" means, and not take it literally, and guess I got it right, or just ask outright for more clarification. It just seems like more "word salad" to have to deal with. After being around other woman (mostly other moms) and getting to know them ,we became "FRIENDS", True friends, part of my support network. I guess my old school is showing?!! is my friend. As a matter of fact she is my best friend. She is the first person I wake up and talk with every day She is the last person I see and talk with every day when I go to bed. We are Co-conspirators She holds me at night when I have nightmares. I tell her it will be ok when her son is recovering from cancer surgery We hold hands and smooch in front of the kids. We fuck like animals in a yoga swing and collapse from exhaustion in bed. Yes, we are friends. As a matter of fact we started off as friends. But we've never been "just friends". Don't bother "why chasing" people after the first date. They have done you a favor. As someone fresh out of a SM you know this better than most people. Go meet the next contestant. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 10, 2018 18:08:19 GMT -5
It means she’s not going to fuck you but would go out with you. Yeah, that's what I thought i would run into, a lot of it! Instead I ran into the opposite. She will fuck you multiple dates, then not want to go out with you, (she's not ready for it) I feel like I was love bombed. Then ghosted. It's a crazy world! |
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Post by WindSister on Sept 10, 2018 20:17:28 GMT -5
It means she’s not going to fuck you but would go out with you. Yea, that's what I thought i would run into, a lot of it! Instead I ran into the opposite. She will fuck you multiple dates, then not want to go out with you, (she's not ready for it) I feel like I was love bombed. It's a crazy world! So, um....well, someone has to ask.... was it at least good?!?!? |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 10, 2018 21:44:16 GMT -5
Yea, that's what I thought i would run into, a lot of it! Instead I ran into the opposite. She will fuck you multiple dates, then not want to go out with you, (she's not ready for it) I feel like I was love bombed. It's a crazy world! So, um....well, someone has to ask.... was it at least good?!?!? YES!!! A great boost of confidence! Several firsts, many orgasms for her, and awesome pleasure for me. I was nervous, so it was wonderful to be with someone who understands giving and receiving. I actually enjoyed the hours of intimacy just as much! That flowed from me like an open faucet! All it took was confirmation that i was desired, and it flowed like wine! Things I have been wanting to do and say to a woman for years!! ( I feel like I have a lot to offer) For reasons that remain a mystery she ended that? Her loss....... |
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 10, 2018 22:00:08 GMT -5
You may have come on too strong in terms of romance. She may not be ready or love, but have been comfortable with a casual WB. If my post SM over ad come on strong at first, I would have been scare away despite the great sex.
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Post by JMX on Sept 10, 2018 22:12:46 GMT -5
Well, it sounds like she was willing and that *maybe* you didn’t show her pictures?
If so, well done! Move on. She’s not into you if she told you that, however - you got a little into her, so Ding Dong!!
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 10, 2018 23:02:04 GMT -5
You may have come on too strong in terms of romance. She may not be ready or love, but have been comfortable with a casual WB. If my post SM over ad come on strong at first, I would have been scare away despite the great sex. WB??? No not to strong. Not strong enough for her liking in some ways. She wanted more of the sex! Hot and ready! She couldn't even wait a day, when I would have had the house to myself. We did it in the backseat of my car, ( My kids were asleep in the house) something I haven't done since I was 19! After 10 years of vanila and 15 yrs of nothing with my ex, do you think I was ready for that? I wanted to talk and build my way up, she wanted me to shut up and was all over me. Her words where full of affirmation. " I love to submit to you, you are like a dream! I love that you hold my hand and take the lead, I've been thinking about this for days!. I've never wanted to do this with someone else like this before, but I trust you so much, you're so open with me, I love your honesty" ( I will edit out the ummm ...other compliments  ) (I am not bragging) Instead I am confessing ( to a group that I would think could understand) that I am really not used to that! If I am used to anything, it's certainly NOT me being an agressive 'sex only 'guy! Days later she said to me " I had a date a year ago with a guy who was in a SM like you, I tried to work with him, he could not leave his marriage, I don't think I want to go through that again". I responded to that quickly, "we are not the same. I AM DIVORCED I made my choice, I have already been through that, I am already on my way to healing, my own houses, my way, my rules." As shamwow said " on to the next contestant". |
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