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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 10, 2018 23:25:20 GMT -5
Well, it sounds like she was willing and that *maybe* you didn’t show her pictures? If so, well done! Move on. She’s not into you if she told you that, however - you got a little into her, so Ding Dong!! No I didn't show her pictures ! LOL!! Instead I danced with her a lot. They finally played a slow song, I put her arms around my neck and pulled her body against mine doing a slow sway. I haven't flexed my chest up against a woman in decades! She said to me "you know that whole table full of ladies over there is watching you, cheering you on" I was naive to it. It's been decades since I've been doing that with a woman. I met with her at the park by the ocean near my home. I took her to the lifeguard tower across the "no trespassing" chain. ( The same place where I had sat alone during my divorce, dreaming of sharing it with someone) She sat on my lap and leaned back against my legs and knees. I stroked her hair and her thighs, as the sun set. She repeatedly said to me " well I've never told anyone this before" as I gained her trust. We had a memorable evening. She wants to be "friends" . My FIL passed away, and I called my new friend. I needed someone to speak with. She did not return my calls. I texted her and explained my needs. She said" I was wondering why you called". Time to move on!! |
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Post by elkclan2 on Sept 11, 2018 2:40:54 GMT -5
One of the things that women do when they are dating is avoid saying "I don't want to date you or have sex with you [any more]" - the reason we do this is because we can experience some bad reactions when we're more blunt. From name calling to threats of violence - and in some cases actual violence. Hence there is a 'it doesn't mean we can't be friends".
But the use of the double negative means she probably doesn't actually want to be friends with you either. Sorry.
BTW - re. friends... When I was chatting with my partner online before we had our first date, I thought to myself - "Well, if the chemistry thing doesn't work out, then I really want to cultivate a friendship with this guy. I really like him and would like to have him in my friendship set." That was the first time I thought that about someone I'd met through online dating. Obvs the chemistry thing worked out.
Also - sorry to hear your FIL died - I know you had a lot of mixed feelings about him - and I think that sometimes that makes grief even harder.
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Post by WindSister on Sept 11, 2018 18:40:27 GMT -5
Honestly?
I'm glad you have fun memories with her and she boosted your confidence.
But...
That woman is not the one for you. Yup, let her go.
It sounds like she's into rehabbing men from SMs, and that's kinda creepy. lol. But, maybe I'm just reading into it and totally wrong.
I don't buy that women lie for fear of being beaten. Sorry. Men do the same thing, by the way. Passive-aggressive, avoidant people do not know how to be direct and honest and the world is full of this type of person. Fact. You will meet many more. They can call it "softening the blow" etc, but the truth is they don't know how to be honest.
Honesty is kindness.
Remember that. Even if others don't give it back.
I never told a guy a lie.
"I enjoyed spending time with you, but I'm not feeling a connection anymore so we need to end this. I wish you the best."
If he presses for more? (It happened)
"The details for why I feel this way don't matter and I can't be talked into wanting to be with you. I really do wish you the best."
Was it easy? No. But it was direct and clear. Then I'd block him from my phone. Cold? Nope. Honest.
Never lie.
Never string someone along to soften the blow and then get mad if they keep trying to contact you.
Most women do not operate this way. Most men don't either.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 12, 2018 5:59:49 GMT -5
“I don't buy that women lie for fear of being beaten.”
Please do not be naive because you could put yourself in danger. There was a recent national murder case in the US about a young woman who was killed for refusing a msn’s Advances on the street. Women often do lie to avoid angering men. Men fear wimen’s Laughing at them. Women fear men’s killing them. This is true.
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Post by WindSister on Sept 12, 2018 12:55:12 GMT -5
“I don't buy that women lie for fear of being beaten.” Please do not be naive because you could put yourself in danger. There was a recent national murder case in the US about a younger ng woman who was killed for refusing a msn’s Advanced on the street. Women often do lie to avoid angering men. Men fear wimen’s Laughing at them. Women fear men’s killing them. This is true. I have a different perspective. I'm not naive. I see women play games with men all the time. They aren't in danger of being killed, they don't know how to be honest. My SIL... doesn't want to "upset" a man she's dated so she just avoids him or tells half truths etc. When I asked why she lied to him right in front of me once, that was her response, "I didn't want to upset him." He is not an abuser. She can't handle any kind of conflict in life. Stereotypes are based on a shred of truth. Men joke they never know what women want for a reason. Women, as a whole, do not know how to be direct and honest. Not even with each other, which is why they are considered "catty" to each other. It's time to get honest. I am not saying there is never a time a woman might be fearful, but to say it always happens is just as naive. And untrue. And an excuse. |
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Post by Caris on Sept 12, 2018 19:07:38 GMT -5
It means despite (whatever) we can still be friends. It’s usually said when you are not romantically attracted to someone who is attracted to you. I said it when I was younger, and I was sincere, but most men don’t want to be friends but lovers...at least back then.
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Post by Caris on Sept 12, 2018 19:14:19 GMT -5
So, um....well, someone has to ask.... was it at least good?!?!? YES!!! A great boost of confidence! Several firsts, many orgasms for her, and awesome pleasure for me. I was nervous, so it was wonderful to be with someone who understands giving and receiving. I actually enjoyed the hours of intimacy just as much! That flowed from me like an open faucet! All it took was confirmation that i was desired, and it flowed like wine! Things I have been wanting to do and say to a woman for years!! ( I feel like I have a lot to offer) For reasons that remain a mystery she ended that? Her loss....... Heartiest congratulations on ending your celibacy. I can’t even imagine what that would be like, but I am so happy for you. I know you wanted more, but the fact that someone desired you has to be amazing. |
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Post by baza on Sept 12, 2018 19:31:45 GMT -5
This reads like a reversal of the old "everything is great bar the sex" Brother greatcoastal . "The sex was great but everything else was a bit sub-par". |
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 13, 2018 10:08:13 GMT -5
“
I am not saying there is never a time a woman might be fearful, but to say it always happens is just as naive. And untrue. And an excuse.”
You are greatly underestimating the percentage of women who are assaulted by men. One out of every 4 women is a rape survivor. I have seen thecteality of that from talking to women I know. My best h.s. Friend was raped while in high school by a boy whom she’d just met. My other h.s. Best friend was raped just after h.s. by a classmate. Both girls were virgins.
A woman I know was shot by a coworker whose advanced she’s rejected. I know 2 women whose mothers were killed by abusive husband’s. I know many women who had abusivr husbands. This includes my ex’s former secretary who abruptly quit her job and fled to another state to escape her ex.
If you honestly think you don’t know women who have been assaulted by men, your closed mindedness on the subject probably prevents women from revealing that info to you.
Meanwhile men lie, too, in romantic situations. But men are less likely to lie out of fear that women will physically harm them if the menflat out say they aren’t interested in a relationship. How many men do you know who have been cursed at or threatened for not speaking to or smiling at a flirtatious stranger. It would be hard to find a woman who has not experienced this.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 13, 2018 11:25:37 GMT -5
I love how I come on here talking about "let's be friends" after having my first intimate sex, and it soon leads to " raping woman,and woman who were assaulted by men"..... It's insulting and mind boggling. Very non-sequitur.
I will be posting less, and less on here.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 13, 2018 14:55:32 GMT -5
Why is it insulting to you personally? No one is accusing you of being a rapist. I’d think that since you have at least one daughter you’d be interested in how much legitimate fear women have of men and how prevalent it is that women are hurt or threatened by men. When you go out with a woman you may fear that she’s after your wallet, but I doubt if you fear that she will skip something in your drink so she can rape you. I doubt that you fear if you end the evening decking her sexual invitation that she will threaten you or assault you.
When you go out with a strange woman, you don’t feel the need to have a friend call to make sure you are ok. You probably would feel comfortable having the woman pick you up.
These are all things that women have to consider for their own good. Some also are not direct about their disinterest for fear of a rousing a man’s dangerous anger. The only way a woman can be sure you are not dangerous is by getting to know you extremely well. For her to quickly assume her own safety with a new romantic partner is foolish and dangerous.
Didn’t you talk to your daughter about safety?
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Post by jamesbonding on Sept 14, 2018 2:04:43 GMT -5
I was surprised by how often women feel afraid for their physical safety. Check out this Tony Robbins video starting at 1:03:00
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Post by elkclan2 on Sept 14, 2018 8:42:03 GMT -5
I'm pretty fortunate that I never really had any major issues with anyone reacting badly to not wanting to go out with them anymore. But I was always pretty careful and rarely had a second date anyway because I was EXTREMELY picky (not that I was always the one doing the turning down, but I think there was only one date where I'd have been happy to see him again but I could tell it was a No from him and several where it was a mutual no).
i was happy to be picky because I'd have rather been alone than be with someone who wasn't good for me or for my son (and to be fair I was never desperately horny as I had my AP). But I certainly had some nasty reactions in my younger years and I certainly had some nasty online reactions to my standard no which was 'I don't think we'd be well suited."
It's good to be honest, but it's better to be safe. I don't even like nasty confrontations or interrogations about why I don't like someone that way and frankly I don't owe them any explanations after a single date. If I felt there might be a confrontation I'd just ghost. It's not something I'm proud of, I certainly didn't always do it. I tried to be polite and upfront (but not blunt, no need for that) usually, but not always.
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Post by WindSister on Sept 14, 2018 14:33:36 GMT -5
I love how I come on here talking about "let's be friends" after having my first intimate sex, and it soon leads to " raping woman,and woman who were assaulted by men"..... It's insulting and mind boggling. I will be posting less, and less on here. I don't blame you. Something about the direction of this thread just infuriates me.... as a woman. I can't quite find a clean way to say what I feel, though, and I know I'll never "win" speaking against a very popular movement because most people are black/white, all/nothing thinkers and to utter any opposition makes me an evil person in their eyes. So. I'll shut up. Peace. Personal responsibility rocks. Take care. |
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Post by csl on Sept 14, 2018 16:39:07 GMT -5
I love how I come on here talking about "let's be friends" after having my first intimate sex, and it soon leads to " raping woman,and woman who were assaulted by men"..... It's insulting and mind boggling. I will be posting less, and less on here. I don't blame you. Something about the direction of this thread just infuriates me.... as a woman. I can't quite find a clean way to say what I feel, though, and I know I'll never "win" speaking against a very popular movement because most people are black/white, all/nothing thinkers and to utter any opposition makes me an evil person in their eyes. So. I'll shut up. Peace. Personal responsibility rocks. Take care. I made this observation many years ago, and it still holds true: "Sermonizing is the besetting sin of the deathly earnest, no matter what the theological stripe." |
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