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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 11, 2018 8:41:46 GMT -5
They say " you only have one chance at making a first impression, so make it a good one!"
How reliable is a "first impression"? Do you find them to be true, or are they quickly dismissed?
People are fun! A first impression can mean all sorts of different things to different people, by asking others of their first impression you can find out things about how that person perceives things and people.
Sticking my foot back into the dating pool after a time of mental abuse with a SM is a whole nother mind game. I continue to meet new people, make and receive first impressions.
I recall many a story on here where people have said " they put up a big red flag and I ignored it". Then there are the times where people can surprise you, and your first impression was wrong. Your /mine impressions remain clouded with negativity from the past.
On one hand there is the advice " guard your heart". On the other hand " be bold, try new things, step outside the box".
Good luck to everyone on your new journeys, and the balancing act.
I recall a thread on here about "how did you meet your spouse and what attracted you to them in the first place?" Now that I am in opposite land, the decision making process is very real again.
Feel free to share any stories of "first impressions".
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Post by Caris on Aug 11, 2018 18:06:19 GMT -5
I like this post.  |
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Post by jim44444 on Aug 11, 2018 22:13:57 GMT -5
First impressions, so unpredictable, they can lead us down a primrose path.
A long time ago at the start of my sophomore year in high school my best friend Joe pointed out a young woman across the hall. He told me her name and stated the obvious by saying "She is beautiful". I wholeheartedly agreed with him since she was. Now being as we were 15 year old boys he then said "And she has great tits". I again wholeheartedly agreed with him since she did.
Two years later I was dating that beautiful girl with the great tits and a year later was married to her.
About thirty years after that first impression Joe and I had a good laugh remembering that time I first saw my wife. Unfortunately it was the last good laugh we had because the damn MS took him a few weeks later.
Now 53 years later I am in an SM but I can say she is still beautiful and still has great tits.
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Post by heartbrokengirl on Aug 11, 2018 22:20:20 GMT -5
They say " you only have one chance at making a first impression, so make it a good one!" How reliable is a "first impression"? Do you find them to be true, or are they quickly dismissed? People are fun! A first impression can mean all sorts of different things to different people, by asking others of their first impression you can find out things about how that person perceives things and people. Sticking my foot back into the dating pool after a time of mental abuse with a SM is a whole nother mind game. I continue to meet new people, make and receive first impressions. I recall many a story on here where people have said " they put up a big red flag and I ignored it". Then there are the times where people can surprise you, and your first impression was wrong. Your /mine impressions remain clouded with negativity from the past. On one hand there is the advice " guard your heart". On the other hand " be bold, try new things, step outside the box". Good luck to everyone on your new journeys, and the balancing act. I recall a thread on here about "how did you meet your spouse and what attracted you to them in the first place?" Now that I am in opposite land, the decision making process is very real again. Feel free to share any stories of "first impressions". Because my first impressions have been very, very wrong in both directions, I would say don’t trust first impressions. I’ve made lifelong friends with those I was less than impressed with on the outset, and ended up in a SM with someone though I was extremely impressed when we first met. Alas, I am a bad judge of character via first impressions. |
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Post by JMX on Aug 11, 2018 23:07:31 GMT -5
Interesting.
I can spot a nefarious soul from a mile away. I CANNOT spot someone who is a good person but maybe not *right* for me - even if they are in front of my face.
I give people a pass on a lot of ills. I find people (in general) very interesting. Enigmas that I want to learn about. I don’t want to fix them, I am just interested.
Meh.
I will need to work on that.
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Post by baza on Aug 12, 2018 0:39:16 GMT -5
One of my very good mates in my post ILIASM life is a tall elegant man.
First time I met him I thought he was a bit of a toff, well dressed, long sleeve designer shirt, expensive Italian shoes and all, but we hit it off pretty well.
Turns out he was once a Bank Manager.
No surprises there.
Next time I saw him a couple of weeks later at his riverside property where in his shorts he was revealed to have most of his body covered in tattoos (bar his hands and face) and a couple of puncture marks on his back.
Turns out he was also the Sargeant at Arms of a notorious outlaw motorcycle club as well in his past.
He's a good bloke, but at meeting #1 I would never have thought that he also had persona #2.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 12, 2018 3:53:00 GMT -5
I like this post. It's always nice to hear back from you again! |
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Post by worksforme2 on Aug 12, 2018 4:52:03 GMT -5
my 1st impression history is all over the place. my opinion, there are not reliable for me. case in point.....some time back I had a coffee meet with a woman one Saturday morning. she was attractive, pretty good at conversation, and seemed interested in me and having a real date, so I said I would call her. but life fell on me that weekend and I didn't ask her out because of all I had going on. when I called her a few days later she was furious, calling me arrogant and having misled her, giving me no chance to explain. so basically this person I initially thought might be pretty compatible turned out to be bat s*it crazy. I haven't put much reliance on 1st impressions since as a potential dating gauge.
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Post by sadkat on Aug 12, 2018 18:23:30 GMT -5
Being a very cautious and private person, I often wonder what kind of impression I give when first meeting someone. I know it takes several meetings before I can form any kind of impression about someone. Since I’m now stuck in a SM, not sure I’m very good at it though.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2018 19:03:22 GMT -5
Being a very cautious and private person, I often wonder what kind of impression I give when first meeting someone. I know it takes several meetings before I can form any kind of impression about someone. Since I’m now stuck in a SM, not sure I’m very good at it though. Impression-forming is a product of communication. In any communication, there is a transmitter, a receiver and (between them) interference. Each of us can control the transmission. Regulation of the interference is far more difficult. Critical, therefore, to whatever impression we wish to leave is an understanding of the receptive skills, desires, biases or even out-right prejudices of the receiver.
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Post by shamwow on Aug 13, 2018 8:40:58 GMT -5
Brutal. Fucking. Honesty.
Start with that and you will scare some people off. Good.
The alternative is peeling back layer after layer after the relationship starts until you finally learn who you are with. And let's be honest, you're putting forward your best foot too. They are learning after the fact who YOU are.
But if you establish that you will have a complete no bullshit relationship from the get go? Well then, folks, intimacy takes on a whole new level.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 13, 2018 9:18:19 GMT -5
Brutal. Fucking. Honesty. Start with that and you will scare some people off. Good. The alternative is peeling back layer after layer after the relationship starts until you finally learn who you are with. And let's be honest, you're putting forward your best foot too. They are learning after the fact who YOU are. But if you establish that you will have a complete no bullshit relationship from the get go? Well then, folks, intimacy takes on a whole new level. You da MAN! |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 13, 2018 10:24:55 GMT -5
The only first impressions I'm really good at are being able to virtually immediately sense whether some women are survivors of sexual or domestic abuse. I don't want this sixth sense. But I pick it up even from women I casually encounter. I don't tell them, but if I become friends with the women, eventually they tell me.
As for other first iimpressions -- some of my closest friends made no first impressions on me in that I don't know when we met. One of my closest male friends made a negative first impression on me. Something about him scared me. It may be that I sensed that he has a very bad temper, and we met in an acting class where we very effectively played George and Martha in a scene from the vitriolic play "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolfe." In reality, he is one of the nicest, most gregarious and generous people on the planet. Another of my close friends made no impression as she's very quiet, old and small. Once I got to know her, she is one of the wisest, most courageous and inspirational people I've ever met. I remember when I met my refuser ex. I thought he was a fascinating font of knowledge and I also thought he thought I was sexy. I wanted to get to know him better. I know think he is a walking encyclopedia of boring trivia, and certainly is not attracted to my sexual charms. When I met post SM lover, I thought he was a dull guy who told stale jokes but had a cute dog. I had absolutely no sexual or even friendship type of interest in him. I now view him as sexy, funny, intelligent.....
I remember meeting a woman co-worker whom I immediately thought was going to be one of my best friends. We never became friends.
So -- with the exceptions of my impressions identifying women who were sexual/domestic abuse survivors, my first impressions aren't worth much.
At 67, I don't concern myself much with others' first impressions of me. I'm usually outgoing and straightforward and opinionated. That will put off some people, and I don't feel I lose without them in my life. It will attract others and that's where the gold is for me: getting to be with people who know and love the authentic me.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 13, 2018 11:25:01 GMT -5
Being in opposite land ,going out on the dating scene, going to meetup.com events, is loaded with receiving and giving first impressions. I've had years of being an usher at church, greeting people at the door, seating them ,answering questions, etc... loaded with making a good first impression. Also as an optician it was full of sales and service. When a customer/patient walked into the store you applied the 30 second rule. ' Don't wait more than 30 seconds to greet them, welcome them, offer to assist them ,and sell them something!".
Now I'm having to sell myself! I went back to lous Blues to hear a live band -I won't bore you with the details- there where two of the ladies I met a week ago, three of the ladies I hadn't met before.
I probably made a bad first impression. The only tables available where little tables for two, there where already 5 people at that table. I arrived on time no one was there, ( they came a half hour late) I hadn't eaten, I ordered my food, I sat alone.
Troy ( she's so nice to me) came up to me and said " come on over , join us". I said " thank you, but there's no room for me, I need to finish eating". I also did not want to be the only one eating.
Later,I was introduced to Margaret by Troy. Margaret barely glanced up , long enough for me to shake her hand and hear me say, " it's very nice to meet you". Margaret immediately continued her conversation with Donna. My first impression? That was rude, kind of cold, her loss.A total opposite of the way troy, Susan , and Jennifer treated me.
Interesting how things change when your on the dance floor. (not to brag) but I do find that because I can dance woman like a man who can dance. At one point I was doing a basic swing step and I'm looking up at the open second floor, watching the band, and I then look behind me and there's the 5 ladies in a line holding on to me and copying my dance!
This is all new to me! I've been sheltered for decades! I think I'm making an impression. later in the evening Troy( who can dance ) is telling me , "those ladies at that table over there, have been watching you the whole time. ( i tell her: that's because you make me look good!) I am in deep space 9! I have no idea! I'm so naive to this stuff!
These same ladies tell me , " unbutton that shirt of yours some more, show off those chest hairs" I'm SOO not used to that....ever! Then comes " you have broad shoulders and manly arms" I'm so not used to handling these kind of " impressions".
I then get asked " what do you think of Margaret? She's a few years younger than you? The same Margaret who acted like I don't exist! Well I've got to tell ya, I like the older Troy who gave me classy touch and made me feel like a man again. The same Troy who said " come on Rusty we need to get you on the dance floor!". The same Troy who put her arms around my neck and danced with me, while Margaret danced alone.
I'm still learning to not make a big deal of it .Margaret may be a super nice lady and not interested in being with a man ,right now ,or who knows what else? I'll still be cordial, open and polite to her.
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Post by WindSister on Aug 13, 2018 12:20:20 GMT -5
First impressions are what they are.... but it is based on perception and our perceptions definitely can be incorrect, or lacking big picture details. That's why you don't get married on the first date.  Sounds like you are having fun as you go along. Awesome news! |
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