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Post by ted on May 8, 2018 0:33:46 GMT -5
I offer you ted's "exit story," in the spirit of shamwow's exit story, T-Minus, and greatcoastal's exit story, Money, money,money,....MONEY!!!. We start with our hero in the middle of his journey, but we'll fill in with artistic flashbacks as the emotional ripples of past events reflect in the distance and return to haunt him again. I've wanted a place to journal a bit for the sake of processing things. And as I've benefited from watching others here, maybe someone will benefit from watching me. Feedback, critical and otherwise, is quite welcome. |
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Post by ted on May 8, 2018 0:34:44 GMT -5
In which ted begins to sell his dream houseWe met with a Realtor this afternoon to begin selling our marital home, the one my wife occupies. We’re still a few months from having a divorce decree, the final step in our legal process; however, she’s eager to reduce her housing expenses, so we’re exploring our options. I moved out four years ago, my first step in ending our 15-year SM, so most of the acute emotions are past, but today was surprisingly emotional for me. I still love that house. It was a beautiful, early spring day. The afternoon light, through the forest preserve behind the house, always was my favorite. Our kids and the neighborhood kids, who weren’t even born when we all built these houses, are playing together in a progressive game played in three different backyards. I sold the Realtor all the reasons it was a really great house. I walked in rooms I hadn’t been in for years: the office I built for my home-based business in the extra-deep basement we planned to finish, the large garage with my homemade benches and shelves, the kids’ rooms with the nice furniture, … our bedroom. We built a wonderful house—for a marriage that didn’t exist. Our family grew within those walls, but our marriage never did. It’s heartbreaking to sell the trappings of the hope I once had. It’s sad to pull the kids from their half-time Eden. It’s sad to give up the perfect house and voluntarily enter a financial position where I cannot afford anything like it. It’s worth noting that while I felt everything for the house, for my past dreams, and for my kids; I felt absolutely nothing for her. I finally know what it’s like to be her: to have no feelings for the other person, to be repulsed by the thought of a closer relationship.
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Post by northstarmom on May 8, 2018 6:41:57 GMT -5
I empathize with your selling your house. My house was my dream house, the only home that I have ever loved bed. I haven’t even driven down its street since selling it. But that was the price of divorce, and when I decided to divorce I knew I’d rather live alone in a rented room than remain in my dream house alone while married. I still feel that way.
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Post by elkclan2 on May 9, 2018 0:31:36 GMT -5
I guess there's one advantage of living in one of the tightest housing markets in the world...almost nobody gets their dream home, every house is a sacrifice of something. I'm currently doing up the marital home to sell it. It needs a bit of work. It's a cool little house. But I need something different now. My new partner and I looked at a house yesterday and it was also the 1 yr anniversary of our first date. We went out to eat after working on the house and then walked back to his flat talking about future plans and near-future plans. We just hung out for a bit and then we had some really hot sex. You can build a new life ted. |
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Post by choosinghappy on May 15, 2018 20:55:51 GMT -5
“We built a wonderful house—for a marriage that didn’t exist.”
This is how I feel about our home too. There have been a lot of memories here, both good and bad. I love this house. I will be sad to leave it. But I will be sadder if I stay.
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Post by saarinista on May 17, 2018 19:28:34 GMT -5
Hey ted I'm sorry for what you're going through. My h and I sold our house and moved (together) ~4 years ago to the house we're in now, for financial reasons, mainly. (Old house taxes were 10x higher than new house, plus we made money selling it.) I might add, back then, I was too broke and tired for many years to realize that our marriage was sexless. I just thought it was lackluster or we were old.
You'll get over it, eventually. But I loved that house, and even though I love the new one too, I still have dreams about how difficult the move was, being "forced" by the buyer to move by a specific date which was a real challenge because of other stuff going on, and about my beloved hydrangeas, daffodils, japanese maples and the stuff we did to the house to improve it, which I miss a lot. But I miss the hydrangeas more than anything. I had a dream about them last night-specifically, that the people who bought it pulled them up like so much trash.
Moving is tough. Along with parental deaths, divorce, job losses.....no fun. Hang in there. You'll love another abode and hopefully another partner one day. In the meantime, well, prepare for some pangs.
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Post by choosinghappy on May 17, 2018 21:13:24 GMT -5
saarinista Plant yourself a hydrangea bush, stat. 😊
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Post by saarinista on May 17, 2018 22:09:00 GMT -5
saarinista Plant yourself a hydrangea bush, stat. 😊 Oh, I have. Many. Well, not many, but several. But just like a marriage, they take time to root baza and bloom.
In the meantime, I have been known to swipe an "extra" bloom that won't be missed (or two, or three.....) from a neighbor's bushes. Shhh..don't tell. Hey, everyone has their own little signature sin. I don't do drugs, I always use my turn signals, I hardly ever get really nasty on Twitter...but I have been known to pilfer the occasional posy!  |
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