Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2018 7:08:36 GMT -5
I filed for divorce this week. In a twist of unexpected events (details of which are not important), the last straw was placed on my back and I positively broke. I knew I was done beyond a shadow of a doubt. It all happened after an incident on the last Friday in February. Had it been an isolated incident, I might not have noticed, but it was a perfect trifecta (H yelling at me because he broke a bowl in the kitchen; H making an important financial decision without consulting me; and finding myself at the gym alone late on a Friday night because I didn't/don't have a happy home to go back to).
The last 2 weeks are a blur in my mind. I felt almost as though I was outside of my body. I was terrified to take this leap, but I could not go on any longer. As I said in another thread, when the pain of staying becomes greater than the pain of leaving, you will leave. Staying became so painful and so destructive, I honestly felt I had no other choice but to leave. It was/is the only path that offered hope. Once hope is gone, you have nothing. I had to leave to regain hope for the future. I had to leave to want to continue living.
I'm so grateful for the support I've received here over the last (almost) 2 years. Without it, I would not have been strong and confident enough in myself to muster the immense courage I needed to file for divorce. Getting myself to the lawyer, filing the papers the next day, and telling my H what I had done were the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. My H took it remarkably well. He's in shock, but he's being compliant, and now he's resigned to his fate. Last time, I asked for a divorce. This time, I TOLD him we were divorcing. He has no choice.
My emotions are fluctuating between elated, excited, sad, and tearful. It's bittersweet; I won't lie about that. In my heart of hearts, I still wonder why my H couldn't just make the effort to love me. But that question is fading as reality sets in. It's over.
Thank you everyone. I'm so grateful to all of you for sharing your hearts here and for holding mine. I'll update when I can.
The last 2 weeks are a blur in my mind. I felt almost as though I was outside of my body. I was terrified to take this leap, but I could not go on any longer. As I said in another thread, when the pain of staying becomes greater than the pain of leaving, you will leave. Staying became so painful and so destructive, I honestly felt I had no other choice but to leave. It was/is the only path that offered hope. Once hope is gone, you have nothing. I had to leave to regain hope for the future. I had to leave to want to continue living.
I'm so grateful for the support I've received here over the last (almost) 2 years. Without it, I would not have been strong and confident enough in myself to muster the immense courage I needed to file for divorce. Getting myself to the lawyer, filing the papers the next day, and telling my H what I had done were the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. My H took it remarkably well. He's in shock, but he's being compliant, and now he's resigned to his fate. Last time, I asked for a divorce. This time, I TOLD him we were divorcing. He has no choice.
My emotions are fluctuating between elated, excited, sad, and tearful. It's bittersweet; I won't lie about that. In my heart of hearts, I still wonder why my H couldn't just make the effort to love me. But that question is fading as reality sets in. It's over.
Thank you everyone. I'm so grateful to all of you for sharing your hearts here and for holding mine. I'll update when I can.
