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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2016 19:26:14 GMT -5
So, I finally joined OK Cupid. There are a number of men who want to talk to me that I don't even want to start with. (Messages to me that resemble some of the bad PMs on EP that all women were familiar with:
"Hi" (and nothing else)
"U R hot"
Then, there was one guy who could write reasonably well...but all he wanted to talk about was: 1) the fact that he's bisexual and 2) the fact that he's attracted to white women who are into black men.
Now that I think about it, he was probably right to bring those things up right away. I'm pretty liberal, and have no problems with either bisexuality or interracial situations. But those things would be a dealbreaker for some people.
However, I'm not on OKC looking for somebody to marry (in which case, I'd want to know all about his sexual ideas.) I'm on there looking for men to practice dating with. Since all he wanted to do was talk about this (and mine my sexual fantasies) - I think I'll take a pass on this one. I told him that I don't have sex on the first date, and that I generally don't get into a lot of sexy talk with people I have only just met. IOW, let's find out if we even like each other, before I tell you what I like in bed.
And - I talked to 2 other guys who seemed pretty normal.
So, we'll see if I get any practice dating done.
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Post by misssunnybunny on May 16, 2016 20:33:33 GMT -5
I am sure this will be an interesting experience! Best of luck to you (and I hope you share stories  ) |
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Post by bballgirl on May 16, 2016 20:55:30 GMT -5
Good for you Kat!! Glad to hear you are putting yourself out there. I got a lot of the Hi messages.
Thanks to the EP trolls we actually are at an advantage with dealing with those men. Heck I even got one message from a woman, I didn't respond.
Since March I've dated 7 men, two of them had a second date. I went out tonight on a first date. It was nice. I think this will get a second date.
Again I'm glad you are putting yourself out there, just have fun with it!!
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2016 21:05:07 GMT -5
Kat, are you going to tell them that they will be practice date fodder?
Now, I'm going to try an experiment.....
Why did you feel compelled to ..?.. Ah, I understand. Let me try this again.
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2016 21:14:57 GMT -5
@creelunion, I have told the ones that I've actually had a normal conversation with that I ended a long relationship a few months ago, and that I'm just starting to casual-date again.
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Post by wewbwb on May 16, 2016 21:27:36 GMT -5
I think you should bring up obscure "guide " facts and see if they can keep up.
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2016 21:58:58 GMT -5
@smartkat You took the first steps! I have a chat rule: of they can't be bothered to type in actual words, they probably can't be bothered to satisfy a woman. It's my non-scientific experience with chat sites.
There are nice guys out there, you just have to weed out the riffraff. And, there's a lot of riffraff. Be patient with yourself. And be VERY selective.
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Post by wewbwb on May 16, 2016 22:05:13 GMT -5
Hi baby ups to u
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2016 0:11:12 GMT -5
Congrats SK.
Anyhoo, I saw this article which is on-topic that I thought would be interesting to share here:
jezebel.com/women-who-message-dudes-first-on-okcupid-are-getting-mo-1763848001
what I got out of the article:
1) 1.5 men for every woman
2) women get more responses when they message men first
3) women who message men end up with more desirable matches because:
4) on average, men aim for women 17% out of their league while women aim for men only 10% out of their league.
5) therefore, on average, in situations where a man messaged you first, your date if you accept will be 17% less desirable than you (whatever that means). If you message him first, you're likely to get a response from him and if you go on a date he is likely to be 10% more desirable than you (whatever that means) AND 27% more desirable than a man who messages you first |
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2016 0:18:58 GMT -5
Also, we MUST have stories!!!! Do not disappoint us SK!
(p.s. just thinking about this topic makes me nauseous, or was that tuna I had for dinner a bit off?)
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2016 0:42:15 GMT -5
Congrats SK.
Anyhoo, I saw this article which is on-topic that I thought would be interesting to share here:
jezebel.com/women-who-message-dudes-first-on-okcupid-are-getting-mo-1763848001
what I got out of the article:
1) 1.5 men for every woman
2) women get more responses when they message men first
3) women who message men end up with more desirable matches because:
4) on average, men aim for women 17% out of their league while women aim for men only 10% out of their league.
5) therefore, on average, in situations where a man messaged you first, your date if you accept will be 17% less desirable than you (whatever that means). If you message him first, you're likely to get a response from him and if you go on a date he is likely to be 10% more desirable than you (whatever that means) AND 27% more desirable than a man who messages you firstHelen, we need to go to Vegas. Baby needs a new pair of shoes. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 17, 2016 1:42:49 GMT -5
I've got to start doing this too....[shudder]. Please, send me to a dentist, pull my teeth out, one by one. That has to be more pleasent.... You and bballgirl lead on, I'll follow, promise. |
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Post by snowman12345 on May 17, 2016 5:12:15 GMT -5
Good for you Kat! Every first time is a little awkward and maybe even a little comical. You can't start a journey without taking that first step. I hope you find what you are looking for.
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Post by worksforme2 on May 17, 2016 12:02:56 GMT -5
Hi SK,...It might be interesting to have a man vs. woman view of what dating sites are like. I have been on POF for about 7 months and it has not been exactly a barn burner of an experience for me. But in my conversations and dating, ladies have informed me that from the female perspective the pickens are less than optimal.
I have emailed probably 100 ladies over the 7 mo. time frame . I have been contacted 1st by probably 20 or 25. I have only dated 3 and ended up in bed with 1 and that didn't last. So I guess what I am saying is be prepared for a pretty long slog. It will at times be really frustrating when the other person disappoints you by either not replying or when you do meet they look nothing like the pictures they post or you have a conversation and it turns out that philosophically the 2 of you are on different trains going in opposite directions. In a couple cases for me they turned out to be bat sh*t crazy.
Good luck.......wfm2
Oh and a piece of info about men for you. Don't wait for Mr. Right. Since women are generally the ultimate determiners of whether a relationship takes off you probably would be best served by making the 1st contact. Most guys respond well to a woman's overture, unless she is as big as a house, ugly as a lap dog (maybe both), or a religious zealot. And we both know, that ain't you.
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Post by smilin61 on May 17, 2016 12:16:03 GMT -5
@smartkat You took the first steps! I have a chat rule: of they can't be bothered to type in actual words, they probably can't be bothered to satisfy a woman. It's my non-scientific experience with chat sites. There are nice guys out there, you just have to weed out the riffraff. And, there's a lot of riffraff. Be patient with yourself. And be VERY selective. @smartkat When I used these sites I exhausted myself trying to be nice and answer everyone. Now I think I would be much better at screening out those that I know I wouldn't even want a friendship with because on this side of my SM I understand my own needs so much better. I liked okcupid much better than pof for that because it gives you the ability to see answers to so many types of questions, and even "customize" your own criteria with them. I wish you luck and a minimum of pervs! 
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