9 questions to ask on a first date.

I am reminded of an Australian "artiste" (Kevin "Bloody" Wilson) who's amusing stand up / musical act poses some highly pertinent questions for a gentleman to ask a lady.
Without his permission, or even his knowledge I reproduce the opening verse and chorus of one his highly sophisticated and deeply meaningful songs called "Kev's Courting Song"

Blown too much of me time
Buyin' Dinner and Wine
And me money on flowers and lollies
Only to find
That what's on me mind
Isn't on hers and she's sorry
So I've made up some lines
That save wastin' time
And keep me from blowin' me brass
I'm ever so cool
I just prop on me stool
Right next to hers and I ask

Do you fuck on first dates
Does you Dad own a brewery
Could I feel Your tits
Or would you show 'em to me
Cause you've got a nice head
And you look pretty honest
So me face'll be leavin' in quart of an hour
I'd like you to be on it

There's more, and I can only imagine how keen you all are to see more of Kev's romantic offerings.
You could google him.

Yep! Good questions to ask. I just wouldn't ask that last one right out the gate. If someone asked me that on a first date, it would also be our last date. But that's me!

Those are good lines of questioning for a 'screening interview', aka first date. Other essential ones come to mind, and all deserve deeper exploration, but probably not on the first date.

I liked this article that was linked from the one above, but it's about maintaining relationships, not dating:

8 Ways Divorce Attorneys Approach Relationships Differently
www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/divorce-attorneys-relationship-advice_us_5a306067e4b07ff75afe9317

Questions I asked on my first date, a date that occurred 5 years ago with my post sm lover whom I just enjoyed an early Valentine’s Day with at a hotel in our town. We’d met 4 years before in a theater troupe but didn’t know each other well. By the end of the date I knew he was a guy I enjoyed hanging out with at least as platonic friends which was fine as I have and welcome male platonic friends. Didn’t know about sexual chemistry. Wasn’t ready to check that out yet and he didn’t push. Our theater troupe contains adult humor and has mixed gender dressing rooms so I was fairly sure he wasn’t a sexual prude.


1. How long have you lived here? Where are you from? What was it like growing up there?

2. How long have you been in the theater troupe and why did you get involved?

3. Where did you go to college and what was that like?

4. Do you have a spiritual path?

5. What kind of work do you do and what do you like about it?

6. Have you been married? Have kids? When and how did last relationship end?

By the end of the date, I knew he met my criteria for being at the least a person I’d enjoy as a friend. This included his having the following attributes:

Openness. He comfortably answered my questions about his life. By contrast, my ex would get a deer in the headlights look in response to my questions.

He had longtime friends whom he had maintained close relationships with. By contrast, ex had no real friends and said he was happy without them.

He liked women. His friends included women (including one with ms and indistinct speech as well as a wicked sense of humor).

He had liked and admired his mom who had died when he was 20.

He was resilient - was able to make the commencement speech at his college weeks after his mom died.

He had had long term romantic relationships and was able to view them without bitterness as learning experiences.

He shared my values in terms of politics and spirituality and also had hobbies in that both of us enjoyed.

He didn’t seem desperate.

It was a good start for further exploration, which is what we did with casual, spaced dates (due to our mutual busyness and lack of desperation) over the next few months. Had sex 3 months later after at my request he got tested.

I don't think that everyone should use the questions I used. But I do think that everyone should ask during their first date about things that are very important to them -- things that indicate whether their date has similar values. I do think it's OK to bring up sexual intimacy to weed out those who are too prudish to even talk about having sex or who think that romantic relationships should only include companionship. 

Everybody has their list of preferences, deal breakers, red flags. Know YOURS well. It's a good idea to have a list of questions in mind to help reveal things.

There's no one "correct path" to a happy relationship. Some people meet here while both are still married and go on to live happily ever after. Some say wait till you got your shit sorted out. Blah...blah.

Just know yourself well. Really well. Be open to love if she comes along but don't be blind.

"Everybody has their list of preferences, deal breakers, red flags. Know YOURS well. It's a good idea to have a list of questions in mind to help reveal things. "

Yes! View the date as an opportunity to find out if the person is a good fit for your preferences. Don't go in viewing it as a chance for you to contort yourself into being what they like. Be your authentic self while learning about who they are. If you aren't what they want, great, that leaves you free to find someone who'll be delighted with who you are. If they aren't what you want, move on even if you meet their dreams. If they close down become evasive or get offended when you ask about things that are important for you, they aren't a good fit for you.