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Post by darktippedrose on May 16, 2016 2:54:08 GMT -5
@phinheasgage - he wanted us to move to two different muslim countries and was unable to - first it was Yemen and the second one was Morocco. Only rich people can afford treatment and systems for special need kidz. Not to mention that my kidz still need diapers at night. The religious community is his idea of experiencing a bigger religious community without having to move to another country. Same affect. But I doubt his true intentions. I am experienced with his mind games. In some of those countries, most of the women who get help, they get help either from a rich widow who helps out women and orphans, or an organization that helps women like her, etc. But police, they do not take womens' abuse very seriously. The only time it is is if you are American and the person is in the country. Not american on american problems. Or if its on camera and got spread around online, then they'll do something so it doesn't make their country look bad. But yes, I think one of the reasons he likes Morocco is because womens' rights makes him feel emasculated (the list of things that threatens his masculinity is kinda long)and I think its a power trip for him. www.youtube.com/channel/UCkUVh2cwep3jCYwDjE689WgThis youtube channel has been quite helpful and helping me understand more things about myself. Life is a bit easier when I slow down and try to think of my husband as being sick. Because to me, he kind of is. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 16, 2016 6:52:06 GMT -5
But yes, I think one of the reasons he likes Morocco is because womens' rights makes him feel emasculated (the list of things that threatens his masculinity is kinda long)and I think its a power trip for him. I'm sorry - I found " (the list of things that threatens his masculinity is kinda long)" inappropriately funny. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 16, 2016 6:56:32 GMT -5
darktippedrose The important thing is finding you a place where you can be you - safely and without fear. Making your man happy and fulling his wants and needs is a great thing- As a man I fully support that. But it is the man's responsibility to do the same for his wife. As a man I fully support that.
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Post by Dan on May 16, 2016 8:06:25 GMT -5
In the beginning of my marriage, If I said the smallest thing that wasn't 100% ok religiously, or my husband didn't like it ... I'd have the cower and beg forgiveness. Making you feel stupid is one of his ways of controlling you. My STBX was an absolute master at making me question my own judgement. It got to the point that it wasn't worth arguing with him or even trying to explain how I felt about something because I knew he would a) not listen; or b) make me feel like an idiot. I can't begin to tell you how angry this stuff makes me. I'm angry at men who pull this sh*t. I'm angry at their parents for "raising them that way". (OK, my "rational self" knows you can't blame all undesirable character traits on bad parenting... but I'm on a rant, so I'm telling my rational self to just shut-up for a moment...) I'm angry at a society that allows/accommodates -- if not sometimes actually reveres -- the "macho male jerk" archetype. I'm angry that women get the short-end of the stick sometimes, but I'm with someone who doesn't seem to appreciate me. At least not in the ways that would matter most to me. Really: I'm quiet peeved. (Rrrrrrrrrrrgh.) |
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Post by Dan on May 16, 2016 8:14:37 GMT -5
www.youtube.com/channel/UCkUVh2cwep3jCYwDjE689WgThis youtube channel has been quite helpful and helping me understand more things about myself. Life is a bit easier when I slow down and try to think of my husband as being sick. Because to me, he kind of is. This looks pretty good. I think I'll bookmark it for future reference, so as to refer others to it. I was Carissimi was still around; I'd recommend this to her. This is the type of thing that, IMO, deserves a thread of its own in the "Resources" board. darktippedrose: would you be willing to create a thread there with this link, and mention briefly why you think it will be helpful to others, and/or what you got out of it that helped you in your SM? |
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2016 8:16:53 GMT -5
@phinheasgage - he wanted us to move to two different muslim countries and was unable to - first it was Yemen and the second one was Morocco. Only rich people can afford treatment and systems for special need kidz. Not to mention that my kidz still need diapers at night. The religious community is his idea of experiencing a bigger religious community without having to move to another country. Same affect. But I doubt his true intentions. I am experienced with his mind games. In some of those countries, most of the women who get help, they get help either from a rich widow who helps out women and orphans, or an organization that helps women like her, etc. But police, they do not take womens' abuse very seriously. The only time it is is if you are American and the person is in the country. Not american on american problems. Or if its on camera and got spread around online, then they'll do something so it doesn't make their country look bad. But yes, I think one of the reasons he likes Morocco is because womens' rights makes him feel emasculated (the list of things that threatens his masculinity is kinda long)and I think its a power trip for him. www.youtube.com/channel/UCkUVh2cwep3jCYwDjE689WgThis youtube channel has been quite helpful and helping me understand more things about myself. Life is a bit easier when I slow down and try to think of my husband as being sick. Because to me, he kind of is. When dating someone new, it's imperative to know about their family and cultural heritage. Don't let a man get away with "I'm not my father." Assume he is until he proves otherwise. I know there are many Mahometan men who are decent hardworking Americans just trying to make it through the day like any other Joe Schmuck. My ex's brother in law is such a guy. I'd trust him with money, I'd trust him with my safety, I'd trust him with my family. He is too busy working two jobs to blow anything up or mutilate his wife. He works like a dog so his kids can have a good chance in life. So before you have me hauled off by the PC police for what I'm about to say, read that again, there are Muslims for whom I have great respect. But if you're a woman dating a Muslim man, you are playing with fire and you had better make extra super redundant fail safe sure he takes a liberal reading of his religion. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 16, 2016 10:06:58 GMT -5
@phinheasgage - but that can be said of any man and any religion.
But I think we are beyond that now - that is in the future.
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2016 12:46:43 GMT -5
@phinheasgage - but that can be said of any man and any religion. But I think we are beyond that now - that is in the future. Yes that post was more directed at women who are dating or getting involved with a Muslim man. For Rose, the question is how to get out of it. It could indeed be any religion or no religion. Islam just happens to be in a dark age now. When Christians were mired in violence and superstition in the Dark Ages, Muslims were flourishing in the arts and sciences. It all goes in cycles. I'd bet a dollar to a donut that a moderate liberal Islam will slowly crowd out the terrorists and fanatics and occupy the mainstream. Meanwhile the well organized and well funded politically motivated Christian theocrats will drag that faith back to the barbaric days. Everything goes in cycles. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 16, 2016 12:50:22 GMT -5
I agree and understand - it is an interesting topic and I don't mind discussing it. I just wanted to make sure we didn't highjack the thread. This is about darktippedroseWe can start that under off topic. |
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Post by JMX on May 16, 2016 13:42:06 GMT -5
I agree and understand - it is an interesting topic and I don't mind discussing it. I just wanted to make sure we didn't highjack the thread. This is about darktippedroseWe can start that under off topic. Pointing out the obvious - Rose's husband has a tendency to ultra-conservative Muslim belief systems (which is rare in America and NOT at all good - back stories here are very scary) is not hijacking the thread, respectfully. She is in a much more controlled and hard situation with the fact that he is a devout Muslim and with 3 children on the spectrum. |
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Post by darktippedrose on May 16, 2016 13:50:06 GMT -5
My husband was raised Christian as was I. He's African American. He's from the south. My husband would make fun of me and just say thats how black people tease. My husband didn't grow up around lots of men. He grew up in a house full of women. His mom got pregnant at 16 and delivered him at 17, while his dad was 21? or 22? In today, he would be in jail for something something rape.
His dad slept on the couch. He'd go escapades with women while his mom worked like a dog, was very active in Church with help mostly from her Aunts.
His dad would flirt with other women in front of him.
I could go on and and on about his dad. He says hes hims mom's child, my mother in law says hes' more like her, but I think they're both in denial.
I'm half white and half arab. My dad who raised me was Albanian. I never met my father. My husband hates mixed kidz. He thinks its weird that your parents look so different and you think nothing of it
My mom was blond with blue eyes and white skin. I don't look like her, i have some similar shaped face, etc. but not really like her.
After getting married he kept on talking about you and your cracker a$$ mama, etc. He says I'm racists. He had his dna tested showing he had some Arab DNA markers and now he thinks hes 100% arab. He taught himself to speak arabic while I jsut know enough to pray and scold my kidz.
he thinks hes more arab. he gets mad,are you white or are you Arab? Quit switching sides.
After all the crap that he gave me about my family being white - and then I found nude pics of white women. it hurt more than I thought it would.
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Post by darktippedrose on May 16, 2016 13:52:49 GMT -5
and yes, my husband is much more conservative that most Muslims that you'll find in America or Turkey or Morocco, etc. The lifestyle he wants to have, has never existed. NOt if you actually know a thing or two. His desire is for something thats never existed and is unrealistic to live life.
combined with the fact that he read and thinks he knows more that most of the Muslims in this community. The scholar that I listen to is very lenient towards women, very funny actually and moderate. Conveniently my husband doesn't like him.
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Post by JMX on May 16, 2016 14:04:17 GMT -5
I find it off-putting that he attacks you for being mixed, but yet his children are mixed. I wish you far, far away from this man Rose. I've said it before, but you should make haste.
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2016 14:28:21 GMT -5
darktippedrose's husband reminds me of something like this: Only he's not funny.
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Post by wewbwb on May 16, 2016 14:33:25 GMT -5
I agree and understand - it is an interesting topic and I don't mind discussing it. I just wanted to make sure we didn't highjack the thread. This is about darktippedrose We can start that under off topic. Pointing out the obvious - Rose's husband has a tendency to ultra-conservative Muslim belief systems (which is rare in America and NOT at all good - back stories here are very scary) is not hijacking the thread, respectfully. She is in a much more controlled and hard situation with the fact that he is a devout Muslim and with 3 children on the spectrum. I'm sorry - I misunderstood. I thought it was going off topic about the larger question of religions and cycles. Of cultures and bias. That is what I was trying to avoid to keep it about DTR. I meant no offense. |
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