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Post by Rhapsodee on Nov 16, 2017 12:37:47 GMT -5
I told him he wasn’t my type. He asked to meet me for lunch anyway, we can just be friends. I asked him if he really wanted to get stuck in the “friend zone”. He laughed and said it was ok with him.
He really wasn’t my type, but at that first meeting, we sat outside at a cafe and talked for nearly three hours. We were both raised catholic and attended catholic schools. Other than that, our pasts and experiences were completely opposite. He is an immigrant. I am a Texan who transplanted to California. I was allowed to run free with the neighborhood gang, he was controlled and restricted. My parents expressed no expectations, his entire family had high expectations. His life was planned out by his family, I flew by the seat of my pants with no guidance. Somehow we ended up in the same place.
I liked his careful grooming, his nice shirts, his clean car, his clean fingernails, his smile, his humor, his intelligence, his good manners. I looked forward to seeing him again. For nearly three months we would meet every couple of weeks and talk and enjoy each other’s company.
Then, he kissed me.
It was completely unexpected and nice. Very nice. I wanted to kiss him more. He whispered to me, “Do you remember what you asked me? Are we still in the friend zone?” I laughed and told him “No, not any more.” We continued to meet for lunch with hugs and kisses afterward and started to talk about carrying the friendship to the next level.
I was happy.
Then he was gone.
He broke our last lunch date, telling me he needed to think about what he was doing with me. His family was most important and he wasn’t willing to risk being discovered and losing all he had. He said all the nice complimentary things, said goodbye and wished me the best. Do I believe his reason for ending the friendship?Does it really matter? It’s over.
On the positive side, I had met someone special and learned things about his home country that I would never had known. I was inspired to check books out of the library to learn more. I’ll continue to read and learn. He enriched my life and I value the memories and experience of our short friendship.
I miss him.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 16, 2017 16:35:27 GMT -5
I’m sorry for the loss of a friendship, Rhapsodee. I’m glad you can focus on the positive parts, but missing people sucks. Hugs, sister. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Nov 16, 2017 16:37:03 GMT -5
I’m sorry for the loss of a friendship, Rhapsodee. I’m glad you can focus on the positive parts, but missing people sucks. Hugs, sister. Thank you 🤗 it really does suck. |
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Post by lwoetin on Nov 16, 2017 17:13:22 GMT -5
When you say his family, do you mean parents or is he married? If he is married, then I would understand. If it's the other, then I think your friend needs to grow up more. (From perspective of an immigrant myself, but light on grooming, manners, cleanliness of fingernails, car....)
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Post by solodriver on Nov 16, 2017 22:45:03 GMT -5
I understand how it feels Rhapsodee. At least you are taking the good parts of the friendship and remembering them. And he kissed you, so he was letting you know that you're desirable, he just wasn't ready to risk himself for it. But that's on him, not you. Smile when you think about that. I'm happy for you that you had that to enjoy.
And it can happen again. Maybe next time it will be the right mix.
Yes it sucks that it ended. But you should now know that you're a desirable woman. Keep that thought and smile about it. It helps make our SMs more bearable and maybe can even change how you feel about it.
I do enjoy reading the stories of the members here having these encounters. It encourages me that maybe one day my turn will come.
Keep the faith Rhapsodee! We're here for you always  |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Nov 16, 2017 22:51:26 GMT -5
When you say his family, do you mean parents or is he married? If he is married, then I would understand. If it's the other, then I think your friend needs to grow up more. (From perspective of an immigrant myself, but light on grooming, manners, cleanliness of fingernails, car....) He’s married. In a sexless marriage. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Nov 16, 2017 22:52:53 GMT -5
I understand how it feels Rhapsodee. At least you are taking the good parts of the friendship and remembering them. And he kissed you, so he was letting you know that you're desirable, he just wasn't ready to risk himself for it. But that's on him, not you. Smile when you think about that. I'm happy for you that you had that to enjoy.
And it can happen again. Maybe next time it will be the right mix.
Yes it sucks that it ended. But you should now know that you're a desirable woman. Keep that thought and smile about it. It helps make our SMs more bearable and maybe can even change how you feel about it.
I do enjoy reading the stories of the members here having these encounters. It encourages me that maybe one day my turn will come.
Keep the faith Rhapsodee! We're here for you always Thank you solodriver! |
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Post by baza on Nov 16, 2017 23:46:42 GMT -5
Interesting to compare this story of yours Sister Rhapsodee , with a recent post by Sister GeekGoddess . In yours, he was the instigator of cooling things off. In GeekGoddess s, she was the instigator of cooling it off. Either (being the one to make the call, or being the one who had the call made for them) are both scenarios that can and do arise in relationships. And usually, it turns out for the best in the longer term of things. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Nov 17, 2017 0:43:06 GMT -5
Interesting to compare this story of yours Sister Rhapsodee , with a recent post by Sister GeekGoddess . In yours, he was the instigator of cooling things off. In GeekGoddess s, she was the instigator of cooling it off. Either (being the one to make the call, or being the one who had the call made for them) are both scenarios that can and do arise in relationships. And usually, it turns out for the best in the longer term of things. I agree. It is for the best that it has ended. The only possible future was grief and regret. |
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Post by lwoetin on Nov 18, 2017 9:45:08 GMT -5
When you say his family, do you mean parents or is he married? If he is married, then I would understand. If it's the other, then I think your friend needs to grow up more. He’s married. In a sexless marriage. he should join iliasm forum and benefit from the experience of a thousand members. It's too bad a kiss leads to losing your friend. |
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Post by Caris on Nov 18, 2017 20:26:02 GMT -5
I’m sorry, Rhapsodee, although better it ended before you took it to the next level because that would be a heartbreaker, and maybe he realized this. Still, it’s no consolation for what you feel now. Even a small attachment to someone we like can hurt us, and we miss their presence. Hugs.
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Post by M2G on Nov 24, 2017 11:16:18 GMT -5
I'm sorry too rhapsodee but as said above by others, you were able to draw some positives from the experience. Also illustrates why I nixed my search for an AP or FWB: I didn't want to let anyone down. I'm glad to hear that your friend pulled back before things got too enmeshed. He sounds like a good guy in a lot of pain. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Nov 24, 2017 13:37:32 GMT -5
He’s where I was 7 years ago, looking at a future with no intimacy. It’s a confusing time for all of us. Torn between our needs and our honor.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2017 16:47:52 GMT -5
I agree. It is for the best that it has ended. The only possible future was grief and regret. I don't know. There is a definite future -- the one you have. I don't know how grievous it is or how much you'll regret staying in it in 20 years. Then there's what's behind Door #1. That one's a mystery In most of our cases, Door #1 at least holds some adventure -- even if it is a bad one. But most of us here are more resourceful than the average bears. It seems to me that many (most?) of the folks here have made really great adventures out of the "Stuff" behind Door #1. I keep reading about folks "Trading Up" ( elkclan2), finding ridiculously awesome, supportive, attractive, fun, adventuresome, friends/spouses ( WindSister and westsider), or just reveling in the total debauchery that alluded them before or during their marriages. Sometimes the mystery is almost guaranteed to be better than the known definite life of "Grief and Regret". Your friend sounded like he really added some adventure, fun, and intimacy to your life. Those are such pleasant things. I wouldn't disparage it. Sometimes we find things we never knew existed and/or didn't know we were missing. Those are such fun discoveries. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 24, 2017 22:45:26 GMT -5
Not giving details here, but I can relate to a lot of this. ((Hugs))
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